mike588 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) I don't know what triggered it but I'm beyond pissed and boiling over with anger! Most of you know my story, dumped for the ex., what just takes me over the edge is you don't already know is that she dumped me 2 weeks after her surgery,, after she healed and I waited on her hand and foot during that time!!!!!! WHY the FU*K did'nt she have him take care of her,, and have him sit in the recovery room holding her hand as I did. The betrayel I feel is overwhelming!! As I write this I'm so dissapointed in myself for having/feeling this setback and I'm just a few seconds away from sending her an ass reaming email telling/asking her ,, Where the FU*CK was he during your time of need?? and so much more!!!!!!!! I'm 6 weeks into strict N.C. and am to the point I don't really care if I break it or not. Why the hell should I care about breaking it,, it's not like she coming back or anything and most likely I'll never see that her again, GOOD. It's not begging, pleading hoping to get her back to where you look pathetic,, I understand that. Hey, I'm sorry for this RANT, Just have to get this off my chest. Please someone talk some sense into me about sending her that email. Edited October 6, 2011 by mike588
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Dude punch a couple of pillows or somethin!!! I've been walking my house today, room to room trying to stop myself calling my ex, and now I've calmed down I feel a bit better! I promise you, you'll feel worse if you break nc, you're doing so well and we're all here for you. Tell me what you want to say to her... Be as brutal as you need to be, just let it out!!!
Author mike588 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Other than where the FU*K was he,, why did you string me along for almost a year with your BULL SH*T LIES about loving me and how happy you were with me,,, how I made you feel so special and appreciated, how you loved being with me and waking up in the morning with me,, oh sh*t here come the tears again,, DAMN DAMN!!! Excuse me I gotta cry. Damn!!!!!!!!!!
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 *BIG HUG* buddy, this really sucks! Let it out though, promise you cryin helps!!!
chloe56 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Big bear hug from me, just vent here as much as you want, we are here for you.
Mack05 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I'll be on for a while if u wana keep talkin! Mike this is what we call progress..fantastic rant!
Surfer Girl Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Mike Anger is another stage to the whole grief process... and sometimes it helps to look at the situation with more open eyes... To act on it involving her is not going to help...Write what you need in a draft but don't send it.... You have been NC this long and sending an angry message may have its regrets in the long run... For one... now she knows you are still thinking about her... which gives her some kind of satisfaction for confirming she did the right thing and does not have to feel any guilt because look at this angry message... instead of remembering you were there for her. Let her leave with the memories of someone that treated her with compassion.... She will much more remember that than an angry letter that will dispell what a great person you are...
Author mike588 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) Thanks to both of you,where this came from I don't know, I hate it.I was doing so well! Most know my story and how well I treated her without, really being a door mat. The pain of giving your heart and love to someone then having them do that to you is the ultimate in betrayel. I sincerely hope she has some feelings towards me?? must of ??? for being with me 4 days/nights per week for a year. Hoping, knowing that??? makes me feel that my love to/for her wasn't in vain and I did'nt waste almost a year of my life to someone whose heart belonged elsewhere. Thats painful enough,,, but being dumped 2 weeks after her surgery just,,, just kills me. Edited October 6, 2011 by mike588
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Thanks to both of you,where this came from I don't know, I hate it.I was doing so well! Most know my story and how well I treated her without, really being a door mat. The pain of giving your heart and love to someone then having them do that to you is the ultimate in betrayel. I sincerely hope she has some feelings towards me?? must of ??? for being with me 4 days/nights per week. Hoping, knowing that??? makes me feel that my love to/for her wasn't in vain and I did'nt waste almost a year of my life to someone whose heart belonged elsewhere. Thats painful enough,,, but being dumped 2 weeks after her surgery just,,, just kills me. I honestly believe she does have feelings for you buddy... they don't just switch off!!!
EgoJoe Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Anger stage is the worst! Let it out because if you bottle it up it will most definitely become depression. If you have or have access to a punching bag. It is not your best friend. Punch until you're exhausted and then do pushups and then punch some more. By the time you're at acceptance you'll be a modern adonis. Think positive, be positive and live positive!
Author mike588 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Mike Anger is another stage to the whole grief process... and sometimes it helps to look at the situation with more open eyes... To act on it involving her is not going to help...Write what you need in a draft but don't send it.... You have been NC this long and sending an angry message may have its regrets in the long run... For one... now she knows you are still thinking about her... which gives her some kind of satisfaction for confirming she did the right thing and does not have to feel any guilt because look at this angry message... instead of remembering you were there for her. Let her leave with the memories of someone that treated her with compassion.... She will much more remember that than an angry letter that will dispell what a great person you are... Thanks, that makes sense as tears still roll down my face. The justice of time is not really mine.
arbrne_vet Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I think alot of people here have felt the way you have. i sure have. wish you could take things back. feel used, betrayed, and menatlly raped. this is like lifting iron in the gym. it will make you stronger. please, let this make you stronger, not bitter.
Author mike588 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Anger stage is the worst! Let it out because if you bottle it up it will most definitely become depression. If you have or have access to a punching bag. It is not your best friend. Punch until you're exhausted and then do pushups and then punch some more. By the time you're at acceptance you'll be a modern adonis. Think positive, be positive and live positive! Earlier when I felt this coming on I went to the gym and worked out like hell and felt better. Then when I got home and was alone it hit me like a brick!!!
Author mike588 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Mike this is what we call progress..fantastic rant! Thanks, you have been so helpful!!!
Author mike588 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 No more tears left tonight, I hope. No more tears over her ever again I really hope. I can only hope that she has felt some of the pain that I've felt and wonder if her guilt (if any) has affected or will affect her relationship with her ex that shes back with?
TheDovic Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Very possible Mike. You know this girl better than we do, so do you think it could be affecting her?
Author mike588 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Very possible Mike. You know this girl better than we do, so do you think it could be affecting her? Most of us wanna say that our ex was special etc. And knowing her I do know that she has compasion,, sponseres one of those hungry kids in Africa, gives money to the animal shelter, cried at sad movies etc. Thats another reason why this hurts so much,,,, that she did'nt have the compassion for me. You know I was her rebound guy,,, in her last "sorry" email she did said: I chose to enter this relationship (ours) knowing that it would fail. I think now,,,WHAT! WHAT!! You mean I never even stood a chance??? You never even tried??? she also said: Shes confused about what she wants and not capable of it sometimes,,,,, WHAT?????????
lovesickmonkey Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Yep ... you're okay for awhile then ANGRY AGAIN. Then the next day you might feel sadness and longing and a few days go by and ANGER comes back. I'm in month 5 and the anger still shows up, but I'm pretty sure contacting her with the letter I really want to write would hurt me more than anyone. But that doesn't keep me from writing it over and over and over again both in my mind and on paper (that won't be sent). My psychiatrist says you don't have to stop at writing just one letter ... write another one and make this one more angry and more detailed, and longer! Damn, it does help. It's really about working to resolve the anger for yourself. She doesn't enter into it. If she wanted to hear about your feelings she would have stuck around. You are the far, far better person for 1.) looking after her and 2.) not running after her when she ran away. You win!
Author mike588 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Yep ... you're okay for awhile then ANGRY AGAIN. Then the next day you might feel sadness and longing and a few days go by and ANGER comes back. I'm in month 5 and the anger still shows up, but I'm pretty sure contacting her with the letter I really want to write would hurt me more than anyone. But that doesn't keep me from writing it over and over and over again both in my mind and on paper (that won't be sent). My psychiatrist says you don't have to stop at writing just one letter ... write another one and make this one more angry and more detailed, and longer! Damn, it does help. It's really about working to resolve the anger for yourself. She doesn't enter into it. If she wanted to hear about your feelings she would have stuck around. You are the far, far better person for 1.) looking after her and 2.) not running after her when she ran away. You win! Thanks, I needed that. Hard to feel like I won though when I'm the one suffering.
betterdeal Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Feel the rage! Let it out. Then it will be gone. More may bubble up from time to time, but it does get lesser and lesser each time. It's like a pressure cooker. Letting the steam out brings the pressure down. You're on a good path now. Just feel the rage and let it seep out of you pores. It's always darkest before the dawn.
TheDovic Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Most of us wanna say that our ex was special etc. And knowing her I do know that she has compasion,, sponseres one of those hungry kids in Africa, gives money to the animal shelter, cried at sad movies etc. Thats another reason why this hurts so much,,,, that she did'nt have the compassion for me. You know I was her rebound guy,,, in her last "sorry" email she did said: I chose to enter this relationship (ours) knowing that it would fail. I think now,,,WHAT! WHAT!! You mean I never even stood a chance??? You never even tried??? she also said: Shes confused about what she wants and not capable of it sometimes,,,,, WHAT????????? Even the nicest most caring people in the world can be mean dude! I imagine the pope's even a **** to some people (sorry if I've offended anyone - just trying to make a point!) So whilst she does all these nice things, it doesn't make her a nice person. We are far too complex to be defined by one aspect of our lives i.e. I play football, but that doesn't mean I'm ONLY a footballer. I have a lot of aspects which make up who I am. Your ex does nice things, but that doesn't make her a nice person. Although she helps children etc she still lead you on knowing fully it wasn't going to work, and this is mean and unfair! So she isn't totally a nice person! There is an alternate reason why she said she knew it would never work, and although I don't want to give you false hope I think you deserve to hear all possible explanations. It is very rare a dumper leaves and is 100% sure they have done the right thing, therefore they try to convince themselves of this. Many jump into new relationships to try and prove to themselves and the dumpee that it is really over i.e. completely sabotaging any chance of reconciliation. They believe by doing this they will cause enough damage to take away their doubts as there is no way back! I guess this could also apply to her saying she knew it would never work, as in her eyes it may have been sabotaging, thus ending her confusion!!!
Author mike588 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Thanks for the response,,, I don't see the false hope part in your reply. The other stuff makes sense though about causing so much damage there is no way back,,, she did mention and apoligized about the damage she caused. I can only hope that she feels SO TERRIBLE,,,, SO GUILTY about dumping me 2 weeks after surgery,,,, I just can wrap my head around how cruel that was. She said it wasn't planned,,,, yea right!!!!! That's something she's going to have to live with.
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