FelicityShot Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 OK so I have lurked here some after my A. I wanted to learn something. And I find a confusion mixed with a stagnation. Now I am all for BSs and WSs making up and finding a kind of mature love in the dead M. That's what they want and so be it. That's a movement out of deadness into maturity. Healthy stuff. I don't like to see thread after thread of APs saying they are so sorry, the A was bad and they own it. Yes there was hurt and we all feel sorry if someone is hurt. But As are an inevitable hurt - like if there is no sex or intimacy in the M - well what do you expect? The As I know about in my circles are like this. And are mainly under the radar. There is something wrong with the ethos here - like As are wrong and as soon as we see it we will be cured. And if we don't we are morally reprehensible. No, As are right. They are the worm that turns. They are an outlet, they involve love which is always good. The bad thing is when an AP has to eat their own life and say it was fog. Because basically WSs and BSs are afraid of changing the status quo. Fear governs return to M. Fear of having hurt someone, and fear of a new life. There is so little acceptance of this, admittedly only one possible view, that LS will die a stagnant death. Along with the people in the Ms they so adhere to. I have not yet heard a BS say, hell yes I understand the A, the M was worthless more or less, and leaving it would be financial and emotional hell. An A would be a reasonable course of action. Love beats morals like paper beats stone. It's just stronger.
eleanor01 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I want some of what FelicityShot is having! Ellie
half_ofa_heart Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I want some of what FelicityShot is having! Ellie Me too! Does it come in a bottle cuz I'll take a case please.
Author FelicityShot Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Me too! Does it come in a bottle cuz I'll take a case please. It's called fed up with the same old. You'll find it under WW.
MissBee Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 OK so I have lurked here some after my A. I wanted to learn something. And I find a confusion mixed with a stagnation. Now I am all for BSs and WSs making up and finding a kind of mature love in the dead M. That's what they want and so be it. That's a movement out of deadness into maturity. Healthy stuff. I don't like to see thread after thread of APs saying they are so sorry, the A was bad and they own it. Yes there was hurt and we all feel sorry if someone is hurt. But As are an inevitable hurt - like if there is no sex or intimacy in the M - well what do you expect? The As I know about in my circles are like this. And are mainly under the radar. There is something wrong with the ethos here - like As are wrong and as soon as we see it we will be cured. And if we don't we are morally reprehensible. No, As are right. They are the worm that turns. They are an outlet, they involve love which is always good. The bad thing is when an AP has to eat their own life and say it was fog. Because basically WSs and BSs are afraid of changing the status quo. Fear governs return to M. Fear of having hurt someone, and fear of a new life. There is so little acceptance of this, admittedly only one possible view, that LS will die a stagnant death. Along with the people in the Ms they so adhere to. I have not yet heard a BS say, hell yes I understand the A, the M was worthless more or less, and leaving it would be financial and emotional hell. An A would be a reasonable course of action. Love beats morals like paper beats stone. It's just stronger. You are basing your post on that As are about love....and that is not always the case. I have no concrete percentage about how many As are about love versus distraction, sex or some other form of outlet but surely, the fact that many As encompass a lot of things besides love has to be noted. Do some As have love in them? Yes. But the way you're speaking is as if ALL As are about love when that is simply an idealization. Likewise the presumption of what all BSs and WSs feel and think is false... We have to have a balanced and truthful outlook on these things IMO. I can see the causes of an A, I do not believe someone is morally reprehensible for participating in one, I can see how good comes out of one in the end....but I do not confuse that with it in and of itself being a great thing. I do think there are many general trends and things that can be teased out of A scenarios or the whole matter of As but I also understand nuances and find it to be a problem when one wants to defend As as a cause....I just do not get that line of thinking at all. I cannot relate.
reboot Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 What is not caring who you hurt or how you hurt them called?
Lostinlife4now Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Hi Felicity! I do definitely agree with some of your post. Like the part where the BS doesn't give any intimacy, appreciation, sex, etc. in the relationship, where else is the WS supposed to go? Dead marriages that people adhere to! Great statement! Keep posting!
anne1707 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I do definitely agree with some of your post. Like the part where the BS doesn't give any intimacy, appreciation, sex, etc. in the relationship, where else is the WS supposed to go? But that is what WS want the AP to believe whether it is true or not. And to be honest, if that is the true state of the marriage, what kind of person does not end such a relationship. Not someone I would want to be with.
MissBee Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Hi Felicity! I do definitely agree with some of your post. Like the part where the BS doesn't give any intimacy, appreciation, sex, etc. in the relationship, where else is the WS supposed to go? Dead marriages that people adhere to! Great statement! Keep posting! I don't get this...what do you mean where else is the WS supposed to go? I think we fail to consider that in life problems inevitably arise...it is how one chooses to deal with them that is of importance. One cannot have a problem free relationship....even the A that is supposed to be the reprieve from one's horrible marriage, will have it's own set of problems. The question is: do most people who find problems in their marriage actually address these issues adequately BEFORE or do they have an A as the first resort. ALSO...let us not forget the fact that a lot of As include people who do not claim unhappiness with their marriages/relationship. Where else do they go? What else are they supposed to be? An A is a logical output? No it's not necessarily....communication and addressing one's marriage issues should be the first step...not an affair. An A is one of many options and usually a poor option. It is not THE solution or inevitable result.
ShatteredReality Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Here's the thing, Felicity. I was the WS in my marriage. Yes my marriage was complete and utter shyte and needed a death sentence. Yes I needed to leave. Some positive came from the aftermath of the A. Here's where I break greatly from your line of thinking. Since when is it ok to respond to a slap with a dagger in the heart? My H hurt me, but that in no way justifies the pain and anguish I caused him in return. I have to own my actions because it's how I learn from them. If my marriage goes to pot again I now know I will have the self worth to leave rather than skulk around with some POS who would be willing to treat me like a $5 whore and sex me up in the back of his car b/c we have no alternate location to go. Affairs are not ok. They're right up there with stealing, murdering, abusing, and lying. There is no justification. If it's too financially difficult to leave your SO then it should likewise be too financially difficult to have an affair. The cost is much higher than a dollar price when the chips all fall flat.
MissBee Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 But that is what WS want the AP to believe whether it is true or not. And to be honest, if that is the true state of the marriage, what kind of person does not end such a relationship. Not someone I would want to be with. Exactly... That's the worst. At least in my A he said nothing was wrong with his relationship, he just loved me too. That seemed more truthful and understandable that he had a dilemma of loving two women versus him moaning and groaning about being unhappy and stuck. Are we not agents in our own life? Can you not choose to exercise that agency and leave your unhappy marriage or at least inform your partner that you are unhappy? I have never cheated on a partner and cannot see myself doing so, especially not as a first resort. If I am seriously that unhappy...I am going to first let them know that I am and try to fix it and if upon counseling and so forth it is still a lost cause....why have a secret affair? I'd opt out of the marriage or get a trial separation or SOMETHING....but to sit down as if I am waiting for the gods to do something about the situation for me doesn't make sense. Unless ofcourse I am not unhappy with my partner, I just want the excitement of another man too.... And there lies the interesting aspect....that sometimes many As are of the latter form, of wanting your cake and eating it too but instead of admitting that, you pretend like you're unhappy or some other thing. I suppose a lot of APs wouldn't continue the A if they felt like they weren't special or that the person still cared for their spouse so for many MPs they feel the need to lie about that....but then it presents itself in the contradiction of claiming unhappiness but never seeming to be able to leave...
MissBee Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Here's the thing, Felicity. I was the WS in my marriage. Yes my marriage was complete and utter shyte and needed a death sentence. Yes I needed to leave. Some positive came from the aftermath of the A. Here's where I break greatly from your line of thinking. Since when is it ok to respond to a slap with a dagger in the heart? My H hurt me, but that in no way justifies the pain and anguish I caused him in return. I have to own my actions because it's how I learn from them. If my marriage goes to pot again I now know I will have the self worth to leave rather than skulk around with some POS who would be willing to treat me like a $5 whore and sex me up in the back of his car b/c we have no alternate location to go. Affairs are not ok. They're right up there with stealing, murdering, abusing, and lying. There is no justification. If it's too financially difficult to leave your SO then it should likewise be too financially difficult to have an affair. The cost is much higher than a dollar price when the chips all fall flat. And the thing is, one doesn't have to run off and divorce immediately. The point is to be truthful with one's spouse about the state of things. I know people who are separated, not divorced, and they live separately and BOTH KNOW that their partner sees other people. Are they always happy about it? Not always....but the point is, no one is unaware of the state of things. No one is being betrayed (even if they feel upset at the state of things). No one is thinking things are one way while it isn't. That's the point. If one cannot afford to divorce or wants to stay around for the kids...why do you need it to be secret? At some point you're going to HAVE to tell this person you want out...soooo maybe you should start early versus compound the inevitable by adding secret As. A friend of mine lives with his ex-gf. Odd set up, but they moved in together and he wanted out of the relationship, they broke up and got back together a few times but eventually they parted ways for good. They had a lease together so he didn't want to break it and they decided to stay (and have separate rooms) until the lease is up....they agreed not to bring men/women back to the house to avoid tension but THEY BOTH KNOW and understand that this person is free to date other people, out of sight out of mind. That makes sense to me...it is an HONEST arrangement. For financial reasons they couldn't just part ways (like some can't up and divorce) but they are separated and no longer involved, even though they're in the same space and neither is pretending to be with the other while secretly dating. They don't discuss who they're dating BUT they are fully aware of the fact that the other is free to date....
fooled once Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Hi Felicity! I do definitely agree with some of your post. Like the part where the BS doesn't give any intimacy, appreciation, sex, etc. in the relationship, where else is the WS supposed to go? Dead marriages that people adhere to! Great statement! Keep posting! How's that? Are you a BS? Did you not give intimacy, appreciation, sex, etc in your marriage? Or are you just regurgitating what the MM told you about his marriage? Would that be the same MM who hasn't left his wife? Is it because of those pesky kids? Come on. Affairs are not good for anyone, for the most part. People get HURT. People KILL others. CHILDREN suffer. Sorry, but no way will I ever stand on the roof and shout how great affairs are and oh well if someone gets hurt. What happened to DIVORCE? Why can't a cheater divorce? Please don't use the kids excuse. I have no issue with a married couple divorcing. I have no problem with a married couple separating and each begin dating others. I do have issue with a cheater sneaking around to screw his latest side girl and not being HONEST. I know so many OW will swear on their life the MM has told them the truth, because he LOVES them Well, gee, I bet he loved his wife at one point too If you want someone new to have sex with, and you are married, get divorce and/or be honest and tell your spouse you are going to start screwing around. Make sure she can take measure to protect herself from any STD the husband brings home. If we are supposed to believe all this crap over how affairs are such fantastic things.... shouldn't it start with honesty? And what is honest about sneaking around for a quick roll in the hay?
heartinlove Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 There is one sentence in your post that i really agree with. The bad thing is when an AP has to eat their own life and say it was fog. That is one thing I notice with all alot of the infidelity sites is they treat EVERY affair as if the cause is fog. Its never addressed that maybe, just maybe the MM or MW fell in love with another person and that it is just that LOVE. How can the truth be addressed if it is referred to as fog or an addiction. I think fog or addiction is true in some cases but not all. My MM's therapist treated the affair as an addiction and likened me to heroin. Just quit and it will get easier in time. He didn't find this very helpful. I thought it was silly and evading what was happening. I think that referring to all affairs as addictions and fog is an interesting way that people have come up with to not deal with a basic reality that may have happened which is that your spouse fell in love with someone else. Its a way to minimize hurt and heal marriages. Well, my husbands just in a fog, or their just addicted, so I don't have to be hurt, and as soon as the fog lifts all will go back to normal. I think all thats alot of bs meant to cover up the truth so people don't have to face the truth or make a decision based on the truth. Leaving a marriage and security especially where there is children is very scary and both MM and BS I believe are looking for anything to cling to to not have to go there.
bentnotbroken Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 There is one sentence in your post that i really agree with. The bad thing is when an AP has to eat their own life and say it was fog. That is one thing I notice with all alot of the infidelity sites is they treat EVERY affair as if the cause is fog. Its never addressed that maybe, just maybe the MM or MW fell in love with another person and that it is just that LOVE. How can the truth be addressed if it is referred to as fog or an addiction. I think fog or addiction is true in some cases but not all. My MM's therapist treated the affair as an addiction and likened me to heroin. Just quit and it will get easier in time. He didn't find this very helpful. I thought it was silly and evading what was happening. I think that referring to all affairs as addictions and fog is an interesting way that people have come up with to not deal with a basic reality that may have happened which is that your spouse fell in love with someone else. Its a way to minimize hurt and heal marriages. Well, my husbands just in a fog, or their just addicted, so I don't have to be hurt, and as soon as the fog lifts all will go back to normal. I think all thats alot of bs meant to cover up the truth so people don't have to face the truth or make a decision based on the truth. Leaving a marriage and security especially where there is children is very scary and both MM and BS I believe are looking for anything to cling to to not have to go there. Sure. We are all clinging to that life raft with numbed fingers and rose colored glasses. Cover the truth, you mean like covering by lying to the BS?
MissBee Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 There is one sentence in your post that i really agree with. The bad thing is when an AP has to eat their own life and say it was fog. That is one thing I notice with all alot of the infidelity sites is they treat EVERY affair as if the cause is fog . Its never addressed that maybe, just maybe the MM or MW fell in love with another person and that it is just that LOVE. How can the truth be addressed if it is referred to as fog or an addiction. I think fog or addiction is true in some cases but not all. My MM's therapist treated the affair as an addiction and likened me to heroin. Just quit and it will get easier in time. He didn't find this very helpful. I thought it was silly and evading what was happening. I think that referring to all affairs as addictions and fog is an interesting way that people have come up with to not deal with a basic reality that may have happened which is that your spouse fell in love with someone else. Its a way to minimize hurt and heal marriages. Well, my husbands just in a fog, or their just addicted, so I don't have to be hurt, and as soon as the fog lifts all will go back to normal. I think all thats alot of bs meant to cover up the truth so people don't have to face the truth or make a decision based on the truth. Leaving a marriage and security especially where there is children is very scary and both MM and BS I believe are looking for anything to cling to to not have to go there. I agree to a degree...except to say that the problem is that one doesn't accidentally fall in love. Falling in love takes time, effort, and willfully being in a situation that allows for that to happen. In the context of an A, the reason why it is questionable and problematic is because of that very reason...how can you put in the time, effort and so forth to fall inlove with another when you're committed? What's going on there? I am curious to know what you mean by your exMM's therapist evaded what was really happening. What do you think really happened? I suggest that one way to figure out if something was fog or real...is whether or not the person wants to be with you in the end or do they throw you under the bus and try to work on their relationship. It is very difficult to accept it as true love when their "allegiance" (if you will) in the end remains with another when they're given the choice to move forward. Also, I do believe not all feelings in As are fog or delusional, but in the same vein as my prior comments, I think the point isn't whether or not one's A partner loves them or cares for them...the point is HOW MUCH? Where on their priority list do you fall? Is their love just a "feeling" but won't materialize or affect their decision making for the long term or is their love for you sustainable...that is...overtime will it strengthen to the point of them choosing you or is it such that they can afford to let you go when it comes down to it.
heartinlove Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I agree to a degree...except to say that the problem is that one doesn't accidentally fall in love. Falling in love takes time, effort, and willfully being in a situation that allows for that to happen. In the context of an A, the reason why it is questionable and problematic is because of that very reason...how can you put in the time, effort and so forth to fall inlove with another when you're committed? What's going on there? I am curious to know what you mean by your exMM's therapist evaded what was really happening. What do you think really happened? I suggest that one way to figure out if something was fog or real...is whether or not the person wants to be with you in the end or do they throw you under the bus and try to work on their relationship. It is very difficult to accept it as true love when their "allegiance" (if you will) in the end remains with another when they're given the choice to move forward. Also, I do believe not all feelings in As are fog or delusional, but in the same vein as my prior comments, I think the point isn't whether or not one's A partner loves them or cares for them...the point is HOW MUCH? Where on their priority list do you fall? Is their love just a "feeling" but won't materialize or affect their decision making for the long term or is their love for you sustainable...that is...overtime will it strengthen to the point of them choosing you or is it such that they can afford to let you go when it comes down to it. Meaning the therapist never treated it as a choice between a life with me or a life staying with the family. She treated it as an addicition, where MM told his therapist repeatedly he was in love with me not his wife. In the end the MM broke up with me and his wife ten times, going back and forth between the two of us. It was crazy making. Also, when a man has a family with children that definitely sways the decision that way, so in the end this is not about choosing her versus me. Theres so much more to it. I just thought that in therapy it would have been helpful to talk about the different choices but if everything under the affair is labeled an addiction theres no way to really discuss the truth of what is happening, which is MM fell in love with someone else while he was married and in a commitment.
Angelina527 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 OK so I have lurked here some after my A. I wanted to learn something. And I find a confusion mixed with a stagnation. Now I am all for BSs and WSs making up and finding a kind of mature love in the dead M. That's what they want and so be it. That's a movement out of deadness into maturity. Healthy stuff. I don't like to see thread after thread of APs saying they are so sorry, the A was bad and they own it. Yes there was hurt and we all feel sorry if someone is hurt. But As are an inevitable hurt - like if there is no sex or intimacy in the M - well what do you expect? The As I know about in my circles are like this. And are mainly under the radar. There is something wrong with the ethos here - like As are wrong and as soon as we see it we will be cured. And if we don't we are morally reprehensible. No, As are right. They are the worm that turns. They are an outlet, they involve love which is always good. The bad thing is when an AP has to eat their own life and say it was fog. Because basically WSs and BSs are afraid of changing the status quo. Fear governs return to M. Fear of having hurt someone, and fear of a new life. There is so little acceptance of this, admittedly only one possible view, that LS will die a stagnant death. Along with the people in the Ms they so adhere to. I have not yet heard a BS say, hell yes I understand the A, the M was worthless more or less, and leaving it would be financial and emotional hell. An A would be a reasonable course of action. Love beats morals like paper beats stone. It's just stronger. You are so completely full of it.
whichwayisup Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Like the part where the BS doesn't give any intimacy, appreciation, sex, etc. in the relationship, where else is the WS supposed to go? Of course it's all the BS's fault. It's never a two way street or the WS who has issues him/herself, the WS who is just plain selfish and chooses to cheat instead of communicate or even divorce. It's just so much easier to shut up and have that affair because needs aren't being met at home.
MissBee Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) Meaning the therapist never treated it as a choice between a life with me or a life staying with the family. She treated it as an addicition, where MM told his therapist repeatedly he was in love with me not his wife. In the end the MM broke up with me and his wife ten times, going back and forth between the two of us. It was crazy making. Also, when a man has a family with children that definitely sways the decision that way, so in the end this is not about choosing her versus me. Theres so much more to it. I just thought that in therapy it would have been helpful to talk about the different choices but if everything under the affair is labeled an addiction theres no way to really discuss the truth of what is happening, which is MM fell in love with someone else while he was married and in a commitment. Okay I get you. Do you know if he tried to bring this up with his wife before he had an affair? That is, had he ever told her he wasn't inlove with her before the affair started? I think affairs are complicated because it is so "foggy" in terms of....were you always unhappy, have you tried to address it, if you ever become unhappy with me would you address it? I think that has to be addressed in therapy....what happened or was happening BEFORE the affair, which would help to give context to the affair. Also....I am not sure how I feel about someone being doomed to a life of misery because of choosing their family. I am not saying this is not a reason, but I wonder about the many folks who choose to divorce and work through the mess of a split up family, in order to have a good and honest life. I can't recall anyone who has divorced with kids in the picture wishing they never had divorced and stayed for their kids. They don't like the mess that ensues if that happens....but if they're remarried, they seem to be happy with that choice to leave and have a different family arrangement. But your point reinforces my own, that someone may love you, but there is something else (family, wife, finances etc) that they obviously care more about than being with you. In your case, he may love you and be in love with you, but his family comes before you. He can afford to lose you but not them. That is the issue. We all have choices but we choose the ones that we can live with so it's a matter of are you this person's choice OVER X. If they can't have both what will they throw overboard so to speak..... I do feel bad for anyone who feels their only choice is to stay with their spouse if they truly love someone else and then have to try to get unaddicted or what have you....it seems nonsensical and I wonder if it will be worth it to him and anyone else in that situation in the end? Also...if you don't mind sharing, is his wife currently aware of the fact that he doesn't love her and is around for the kids? Does she just want to spite him OR does she also feel like it is fog and they can work through it? Honestly, I feel like if I were in such a position, I'd allow that man to go about his business. If I truly felt it was fog...then perhaps getting the OW full time, he'd realize that it was indeed fog and come back to me...and if he decided to stay, then I'd be better off anyway as clearly nothing was there to save. Edited October 7, 2011 by MissBee
Author FelicityShot Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Meaning the therapist never treated it as a choice between a life with me or a life staying with the family. She treated it as an addicition, where MM told his therapist repeatedly he was in love with me not his wife. I just thought that in therapy it would have been helpful to talk about the different choices but if everything under the affair is labeled an addiction theres no way to really discuss the truth of what is happening, which is MM fell in love with someone else while he was married and in a commitment. Yes, it's exactly this sort of stance that is the problem. The bias towards the status quo for kids and finances is clear. But it is not going to help anyone clear their minds in preparation for a decision to be told their feelings are not real. This makes little sense to me. I spent a lot of time feeling paralysed with guilt in the aftermath of my A, seeing xH hurt so much was the most awful thing. It will probably mean I will never have an A again. But now I have been single for some time, and recovered from the whole - well, affair - I look back and I think, I understand why I did that. And I don't hate myself, or think my feelings were fog. I am not confused or ashamed of my behaviour. There is only one thing I would have done differently, and that is left H sooner rather than later. But that is hindsight. I knew I wanted to leave H. By the time I did, I knew why. For BSs who are not aware they are in a dead M, I feel compassion. That is the blindsided worst heap of disaster. But for those who know, I don't see why an A should seem so wrong. It might make you feel bad, duped etc. But the behaviour wasn't about you. It wasn't malicious. It was someone saying 'I want to feel alive, damn it!'. And maybe it was someone learning to be alive. That's what it was for me.
Snowflower Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 It's called fed up with the same old. You'll find it under WW. I was wondering where you had gone! I missed talking with you. Interesting post with some of the same old, same old.
Lostinlife4now Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Of course it's all the BS's fault. It's never a two way street or the WS who has issues him/herself, the WS who is just plain selfish and chooses to cheat instead of communicate or even divorce. It's just so much easier to shut up and have that affair because needs aren't being met at home. Oh it is definitely 50/50! It is both the H and W. People change, life changes, things change.....you get me.....But instead of talking to the WS and each other, they do find it easier to go outside the marriage...Like having cake and eating it too.... My xMM WOULD NEVER LEAVE his children, his family or $$ and comfortability....no matter how bad it is.
Lostinlife4now Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 How's that? Are you a BS? Did you not give intimacy, appreciation, sex, etc in your marriage? Or are you just regurgitating what the MM told you about his marriage? Would that be the same MM who hasn't left his wife? Is it because of those pesky kids? Come on. Affairs are not good for anyone, for the most part. People get HURT. People KILL others. CHILDREN suffer. Sorry, but no way will I ever stand on the roof and shout how great affairs are and oh well if someone gets hurt. What happened to DIVORCE? Why can't a cheater divorce? Please don't use the kids excuse. I have no issue with a married couple divorcing. I have no problem with a married couple separating and each begin dating others. I do have issue with a cheater sneaking around to screw his latest side girl and not being HONEST. I know so many OW will swear on their life the MM has told them the truth, because he LOVES them Well, gee, I bet he loved his wife at one point too If you want someone new to have sex with, and you are married, get divorce and/or be honest and tell your spouse you are going to start screwing around. Make sure she can take measure to protect herself from any STD the husband brings home. If we are supposed to believe all this crap over how affairs are such fantastic things.... shouldn't it start with honesty? And what is honest about sneaking around for a quick roll in the hay? Yes I was a BS and OW.....Didn't like either place I was in....That's why I Divorced and as the OW kicked MM to the curb....Wasn't happy in my marriage and yes I didn't want to have sex with my H......so there, he went somewhere else and I got a divorce....(lots of other issues involved) as far as xMM, I was his CAKE...................................
Lostinlife4now Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Yes I was a BS and OW.....Didn't like either place I was in....That's why I Divorced and as the OW kicked MM to the curb....Wasn't happy in my marriage and yes I didn't want to have sex with my H......so there, he went somewhere else and I got a divorce....(lots of other issues involved) as far as xMM, I was his CAKE................................... And now in my life....I AM SINGLE AND ALONE.....and HAPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!
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