debilou Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 It was bad enough my x decided the grass was greener on the other side. I'm past all that. Yep it almost killed me but I did survive it. My oldest son suffered the most at the hands of my x and I'm not even sure he knows it. My x kept my oldest who was 15 at the time so he didn't have to pay childsupport. The youngest was 10 at the time and he stayed with me. My x played the game and won. I'm not much of a fighter. When the oldest turned 18 the game was up and he then had to pay for our youngest. My oldest is now 21 and either completely hates me as a person or just really enjoys pushing my buttons. He had a great teacher (his dad). I'm not that person anymore. I am so much better off emotionally, spiritually, and every other way. I've had lots of counseling. Lots of self help with books, audio books, journaling. But I've lost my oldest son. A part of my heart is dying. I will stop what I'm doing when my son calls because he needs something and he knows it. I guess he keeps me in check by treating me like crap. I will admit I made mucho amounts of mistakes. So many things I would change but we all know how hind sight is. I have apoligized, sent him cards. Been there everytime he needs me. But he just seems to hate me. It drains me. I mentioned he's 21 but he needed me to take him to the dr today. When I was 21 I was living on my own. That's why I'm writing. Today I took him to his appt and again I leave feeling lower than a snakes belly. I am usually very optomistic but throw me a life line please. Open for suggestion. Thanks Debi
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