Eddie Edirol Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 right now i would say yes just because how terrible i feel and how much i miss her, but honestly i dont know if i could do it without resenting her. Im a surfer, i have lived within walking distance to the beach for the past 10 years, so moving to St. Louis would be a culture shock to say the least. Also i would have to leave a full time established career and hope i could find a job out there. Im not sure honestly if i could do it, i feel that she is almost throwing away her future by moving up there because she wont be able to enjoy her new found financial stability if its all going to her family. Its amazing that she wants to help but she has to look after herself aswell Use this to heal. You want to live near the beach, and you definitely wont be happy anyplace else. Just know this, she slowly fell out of love with you, and lost that spark that she had for you, waiting for you to commit. It is really hard to get that spark back when you lose it, while youre hanging around the person. She is probably hanging out with you because she probably cant just cut you off just like that, because it wasnt a bad breakup. But she doesnt feel it romantically for you anymore. She has to wait for that feeling to come back, but she cant be around you to make it happen, more exposure to you just postpones it. But since she wants to be far away from you, she wants to start over in ST Louis, and have nothing that reminds her of you, and she will start over with someone new up there, because shes probably ready to do that now. So leave her alone, and now that youre in a better frame of mind to commit, find yourself a new surfer girl and give her a commitment she wants.
M2155 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Do not uproot your life for someone else, especially someone who is not giving you 100% right now. That is a huge huge deal. If you were happily married and very into each other like the above poster mentioned, then maybe because being with her totally outweighs the beach, career etc... You would have replied "yes, she is the love of my life but we'll have to vacation frequently near the beach" or something. Too many doubts in your relationship right now. I wouldn't do it based on your relationship at this moment in time. It's more likely she'll move back one day (when you'll probably be very happy with someone new) than you being happy making such a drastic change right now.
betterdeal Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 right now i would say yes just because how terrible i feel and how much i miss her, but honestly i dont know if i could do it without resenting her. Im a surfer, i have lived within walking distance to the beach for the past 10 years, so moving to St. Louis would be a culture shock to say the least. Also i would have to leave a full time established career and hope i could find a job out there. Im not sure honestly if i could do it, i feel that she is almost throwing away her future by moving up there because she wont be able to enjoy her new found financial stability if its all going to her family. Its amazing that she wants to help but she has to look after herself aswell Then I think you've answered your own questions as to why you guys have broken up. I'd call that closure. Whether or not you send that letter, you know why you broke up. It's sad, terribly sad, when a relationship comes to an end, but she has her path to tread and yours is heading in a different direction from that. But don't be too sad that it's over - be happy it happened.
Author steve566 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 thanks for the support guys, i know she wanted to move away from the town we live in but it was going to be somewhere that we decided together. I can live without the beach but like M2155 i would require multiple surf trips through out the year to get by. She had never mentioned moving to st louis until around the breakup
Author steve566 Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 One more question, i was thinking maybe rather than sending a letter, ill just go see her in person. Since we didnt end on bad terms i figured ill just say i need 10 mins of her time to talk to her, ill basically go over the things i said in the letter and then let her know that am ready for marriage and a future if she is still intrested i'd like those things with her down the road. Ill support her decision and let her know that we can still have a future even if she deciedes to move to st louis. Im not exactly how i would make that work but im willing to try. I'm not expecting an answer or for her to even respond, i just want to make sure she knows how i feel otherwise i may regret it forever. After that the balls in her court, I'll go NC and just see what happens. What do you guys think?
betterdeal Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 I think you're not making much sense, to be honest with you. You don't want to move; she does. How would a marriage work in those circumstances? Take a break, man. Don't try and fix it whilst you're so fragile.
Author steve566 Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 Yea i may not WANT to move but i really do love this girl, i feel like the reason we arent together is i was selfish in our relationship. Im not going to tell her that ill move but rather that i want the same things that she wanted (marriage, kids) and that its not to late. She isnt moving for atleast a year so i just feel like if i really open up to her and make her realize what she will be losing she may reconsider before she leaves. Her mom has had 14 years to get her act together but hasnt so im really not sure what my ex is thinking she will change by moving there. She had never even considered moving to St. Louis until maybe 2 weeks before the breakup. thanks a lot for the advice betterdeal its really helping me try to get things into perspective:)
betterdeal Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 You're welcome, buddy. I agree that her decision to go help her mum sounds a bit rash. I do think you might be thinking of promising things you won't deliver, and that's not fair to you or her. Step back from the big decisions and spend a little of your energy on the smaller things; the every day things that make you happy and, if you do want to give to her, things that make her happy. Sometimes we forget the affection and kindness. Even though affection is gentle, it is like a small, brilliant, flame and it's what binds us together. So maybe do something kind and affection for her. You want to be with her, you're not sure how the future will pan out, but you do know that. And that's all you need to tell her and then you both discuss and agree or disagree on bigger things. Sometimes we have to set free the people we love, because we love them. I don't know what your future will hold, but be honest and true with her and, if you don't know something, say so.
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