Girlfriend says she needs time alone, but wants to hang out all the time.

[squidattackx]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 6 years now, I am 23 and she is 21, and all of a sudden she wants time to herself. I begged her to come back for the first day, but then i just stopped contacting her and started focusing on myself and re-establishing old friendships. I am really in love with her and want to work this out. The weird thing is she wants to hang out everyday. When we talk about our relationship and whether or not it can continue her answer is "I don't know yet". I am just kind of confused. I understand that no one will be able to fully understand the situation, as each relation will vary in some way or another. I feel like there is still hope. I mean when we hang out we have a lot of fun now, compared to the last year of our relationship. We are having a lot of fun now and she says she misses me, and I obviously miss her. We somehow started making-out and it felt like the first time we stared dating for the both of us. It feels like we are really making things work again, but every time we talk about getting together she says she doesn't know.

Is there still hope? Does anyone have similar experience? I feel like the spark is present in the relationship again. And I know the way she has been looking at me that she feels the same way. So far i have not brought up old stuff, been really positive and upbeat, and not contacting her unless she calls me first. I feel like all need to do it give it some time and it will work out, because of how much fun we have been having together when we do hangout. Any thoughts?

[Jake99]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 6 years now, I am 23 and she is 21, and all of a sudden she wants time to herself. I begged her to come back for the first day, but then i just stopped contacting her and started focusing on myself and re-establishing old friendships. I am really in love with her and want to work this out. The weird thing is she wants to hang out everyday. When we talk about our relationship and whether or not it can continue her answer is "I don't know yet".

 

I just went through this myself although I'm quite a bit older than you. All I can say is be careful and focus on you!!! I found out that she had feelings for someone else, actually ended up on a dating site while telling me that she doesn't want to give up on us! I ended it right then and there! No trust no deal!

[R32]

I went through more or less the same thing. Distance yourself, don't have any expectations, and don't fall too deep.

 

She ended up chasing someone else, yet still wanted me around... Girls don't completely let go of one branch, until they have a hold of another.

 

Not saying you don't have a chance, just sharing my experience.

[Nsweet]

Dude, you need to stop chasing her, stop asking about your relationship together, stop contacting her, and cancel on a few dates to hang out. Stop saying you love her or you miss her, just wait on those. You are on the verge of breaking up!

 

If you keep pressuring her to get back together you'll lose her forever. You actually want to keep her as a friend but back off on the kissing and persuing her. You should appear to not want to be with her, just the opposite of how you were acting, but not cold or angry. Find a balance of being push/pull.

 

Do the exact opposite of what you want to do. If she wants her time, then give it to her and tell her to enjoy herself. If she wants to come over tell her you need some time to yourself right not without being rude. If you want to compliment her a lot, buy her things, talk all the time, makeout, have sex, discuss the two of you, STOP! and think about it. She needs to realize that she is about to lose you too, not just cut off intimacy and sex but still be friends.

 

Somewhere along the line you she fell out of "attraction" (LOVE) because well, you turned her off REPEATEDLY. You have to now take this time and relive every past fight to find out why she is leaving you now. Then take it upon yourself to work on those behavioral or character flaws. After that if you succeed to fix yourself up a bit....you GET the chance to win her back all over again. Which means you have to act like you were when you met her and persue her slowly.

[Eddie Edirol]

Do you have any idea why she broke it off with you?

[squidattackx]

@Nsweet: Thank you for the advice man. I appreciate the time you took to rely to my post. I think I honestly will take your advice and stick with it. She always wants to kiss and hug and stuff, I think that if I stop all contact she can deal with what shes needs to deal with on her own. I'll stop talking about the relationship and I guess I will see what happens from there. She says that she does not know if she wants to be in a relationship right now so I will give her the time to reflect, and i will reflect on my self as well.

 

@Eddie Edirol: Things have just got kinda sour for the past year. I mean I kinda saw this coming. She says she THINKS she wants to be alone and is not sure she wants to be in a relationship at the moment.

[Eddie Edirol]

 

@Eddie Edirol: Things have just got kinda sour for the past year. I mean I kinda saw this coming. She says she THINKS she wants to be alone and is not sure she wants to be in a relationship at the moment.

 

Since she is 21, she wants to date around and try out new personalities. She is probably getting attention from guys and wants to explore it since she spent all her dating life with you. You need to do the same, You shouldnt have been this committed at that age. Go find yourself a new girlfriend, this one will most likely not look backwards to date you again. So you have to forget about her.

[squidattackx]

I understand both you you points of views guys and it is much appreciated. But i am not sure what advice to follow

[M2155]

Wow you guys are really young! I'm pretty sure eventually you're both going to want to date other people if not now, then later.

 

I agree with the above posters. You are giving her "relationship" without demanding "relationship" in return. So she has her cake and eat it too sort of thing. I had this situation with my ex (I was you) and sure enough another woman was behind the scenes and now they've ridden off into the sunset together.

 

But I can tell you what your ex is doing, it's called "keeping your options open." She is enjoying the new freedom of possibly finding someone new/different, but she still has feelings for you and enjoys the comfort of having you there (especially since that's all she has known!). I'm pretty sure when Mr. Exciting comes along, she will be out. I have a guy that I want to hang out with all the time who likes me very much but I give him the "I'm not sure yet" all the time too because I think deep down I'm waiting to see if someone better comes along (or my ex, although I don't think I would want him). He's starting to ignore me a bit and I must admit it's making me curious.

 

Anyway the moral of the story is, stop giving her "relationship," she's keeping her options open, you should too.

[Eddie Edirol]

I understand both you you points of views guys and it is much appreciated. But i am not sure what advice to follow

 

The advise is to cut her off and start shopping around for a new lady. Youre not making her work for your attention when you should be. Let her see that you can get attention from other women, and that you dont need her.

[flitzanu]

yup. she wants to find someone new, but doesn't want to be alone while she does it, so she spends her time with you. as soon as she decides on the new boy, you're gone.

[squidattackx]

I do not understand why people automatically thinking that she wants someone else new... I love this girl, and I want her back. I am taking my life back. I understand what went wrong and I am currently correcting it. There has to be some hope. Would NC be the best way to START getting her back? I am getting over her fairly quickly. I stopped acting needy and stopped trying to peruse her. And I have gone on a few dates with old friends since this break up, which makes me take my mind off her and makes me feel a lot better. But I still want to be with her.

 

I went on a date last night and i ended up going back to her place and we made dinner together and fell asleep watching a movie. Well my ex found out about it and she was really really upset about it. I do not really understand why she would be since we have been broken up for a few weeks now. Obviously she still has feelings for me.

 

I do not just want to call it quits, I mean we were together for six years. She is the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I stopped hanging out with her and she occasionally calls to to pick her up from work. I need some advice on how to get her to fall in love with me again.

Edited October 11, 2011 by squidattackx

[flitzanu]

we are automatically assuming she wants something new because we've read every single story just like yours on this very forum, and they all end the same way.

 

it's really not an assumption, but a highly qualified estimation.

 

and as for the last statement, you want us to help you MAKE her fall in love with you?

 

sadly none of us have power to manipulate someone else's feelings, and none of us have ever succeeded in FORCING our exes to love us again and run back to our arms.

 

the advice you're being given is the most rational and realistic thing you're going to hear, but you don't WANT to hear it. i wish we could tell you it's going to be amazing and perfect, but she's already backed off, man.

 

if youd like, start chasing her. call her a lot and push to see her, and see how she behaves when you're as needy as her.

[Lauriebell82]

Sounds like she doesn't want a relationship with you, but finds you suitable as a make out partner. Not a healthy situation IMO. I think you should cut contact with her and do not make yourself available for her little "hang outs." She either wants a relationship with you or she doesn't. Don't let her have it both ways.

[squidattackx]

What does anyone think about M2155's reply?

[squidattackx]

I just feel like it is very likely that we will be back together... We have shared a lot together and had really good times. I kinda acted like a dick the last few months, and if I can show her that i have changed.. I think she will regain attraction for me. Do not get me wrong i definatly hear everyone out.. I just know i cant let this one go. We have been broken up for a few weeks and I know she misses me. I know not now but in a few months. I feel like M2155's reply would be a very proactive way of getting her back.

[cptwinks]

I have been through this myself man. I had a GF who was very willy nilly with me. It made me depressed because all I wanted was her. I am a bit older than you and what I tell you from experience, even though this girl has soulmate written all over her in your mind, you need to know that there are other people out there that you may actually really like and have a blast with. I understand its tough, but you have to tell her you appreciate her friendship and don't ever want to lose that, and in the meantime focus on making yourself happy before you go find someone else. Because you don't want to be comparing any new girls to your ex, because you're not going to get anywhere. You're gonna be fine, just check it out man.

 

1. She's unsure and you can never force anyone to love you

2. I bet any money that if you were to turn the table on her and say that you're unsure about HER, should would wonder if she made a mistake and come hitting on you like you have a third leg in your pants.

3. Don't do step 2, it takes great responsibility and there's a lot of temptation. I have done it, and it works, but I later realize that I'm better off without her, since I start realizing while I was head over heels with her still she was seeing other guys, which made the relationship seems one sided.

4. Step 2 does help the heartache, but you have to be strong.

 

Go forth, do something for yourself and try to forget about her. She won't go anywhere if you hang out with her and say the same thing she's been saying to you. But really you should be in recovery stage right now, and then when you're happy being alone, find someone to date if you want.

[flitzanu]

What does anyone think about M2155's reply?

 

that's the same thing everyone is telling you.

 

she doesn't want to be with you, otherwise she WOULD be with you.

[flitzanu]

I just feel like it is very likely that we will be back together... We have shared a lot together and had really good times. I kinda acted like a dick the last few months, and if I can show her that i have changed.. I think she will regain attraction for me. Do not get me wrong i definatly hear everyone out.. I just know i cant let this one go. We have been broken up for a few weeks and I know she misses me. I know not now but in a few months. I feel like M2155's reply would be a very proactive way of getting her back.

 

 

if she misses you, then why isn't she telling you that, and trying to get back together with you?

[l_o_v_e]

I am going through this same thing right now. My bf and I were living together and well, our relationship was slowly coming to an end. I decided to leave and am getting a place of my own to live with my son. I still see him, and he takes me out on dates, which has never done before. We still sleep together as well. I am taking a brake because I am wanting to focus on me. I want to get my life together. I felt like when I was living with him he was taking care of me, and I really want to take care of myself. I am NOT looking to date anyone else and he knows that. I want my space. My bf also says: I have hope in us. I believe you will realize we are better off together than apart.

I even told him that I did not want anymore children. I have a child with my ex husband and I got with this bf right after divorcing my ex, which did not give me any time to heal or anything. I am taking the time now so that I can get my sh*t together. Your gf might be doing the same thing. Just because she is 21 does not mean she wants to go date in the single life.

 

Please don't get discouraged, give her time. A girl wants to know that if you love her, you would wait a lifetime to be with her. Even after my bf said that, I still told him that I needed time to myself.

 

You are being a good bf to be patient. I hope it works out for you as well as myself.

hope my story was a little helpful.

[squidattackx]

I have been thinking a lot about this and I have been very good at controlling my emotions and i am thinking rational now. I wrote her a note saying that i am okay with the break up, i agree with her decision,i apologized about how i acted in the relationship, told her i will be giving her space, that i needed time to myself as well, and the i wanted to still be friends.

I am now going full no contact with her. I mean if she decides to contact me i will respond but i will be very brief and if she wants to hang out I am going to cancel about 2/3s of her requests. I

I just remember a time where i went out of town for a few months and when i came back to her it seemed like we fell in love all over again. We actually valued our relationship more. I am going to use this time alone to appreciate being alone and obviously she will too. I also went on a date the other night and it made me feel very good about myself, I don't want to sleep around but it made me realize that I can find someone else and I still got it. I mean we were together for six years, I seriously do not think that we can just call it quits and never think about us again. I think that after six years we needed a break from one another. I did not realize that i needed this too until the other night. I still believe that there is hope for us in the future. but for now i am working on myself to become better. I was not a good boyfriend for the last eight months of our relationship. I won her heart once, in time I believe I can do it again once she recognizes my changes and figures her self out.

[flitzanu]

I am going through this same thing right now. My bf and I were living together and well, our relationship was slowly coming to an end. I decided to leave and am getting a place of my own to live with my son. I still see him, and he takes me out on dates, which has never done before. We still sleep together as well. I am taking a brake because I am wanting to focus on me. I want to get my life together. I felt like when I was living with him he was taking care of me, and I really want to take care of myself. I am NOT looking to date anyone else and he knows that. I want my space. My bf also says: I have hope in us. I believe you will realize we are better off together than apart.

I even told him that I did not want anymore children. I have a child with my ex husband and I got with this bf right after divorcing my ex, which did not give me any time to heal or anything. I am taking the time now so that I can get my sh*t together. Your gf might be doing the same thing. Just because she is 21 does not mean she wants to go date in the single life.

 

Please don't get discouraged, give her time. A girl wants to know that if you love her, you would wait a lifetime to be with her. Even after my bf said that, I still told him that I needed time to myself.

 

You are being a good bf to be patient. I hope it works out for you as well as myself.

hope my story was a little helpful.

 

if youre still banging you ex boyfriend, how is that taking a break from him?

[Libra16]

OMG, I'm a female and me and my boyfriend went through the same situation. We got back together. Let me tell you like this. JUST TAKE IT EASY. Don't pressure her into a relationship - you may not be trying to but if you bring it up and all she says is "I don't know yet." She really is unsure. I did the same thing with him.

 

It's not always that we're looking for someone else, it's just probably a reason why we wanted to stop dating in the first place. Sometimes when there are no titles, things become light, free and much more fun.

 

If you still want to be with her, then continue just being friends. People love what is familiar to them (as long as it's good). There is a great chance you guys will work it out. Just don't focus on that because if you do, and you don't work it out, It will hurt even more and you will take it out on every woman after her. (You guys are so bitter sometimes - yeah, I read some of the other posts, too)

 

And to be honest with you, if she does start dating someone else, you really can't say too much about it because you guys are just friends. Just don't think too much into it, please.

[MovingOn13]

on to the next one.

[flitzanu]

Hi, my name is David. I'm a doctor, I was in a relationship for 4 years and I encountered such a situation in the past when my woman decided to leave me because of some incompatibility issues, so I seek for advise from a friend who introduce me to a spell-caster that helped me get back my woman after 6 months of breakup...The spell-caster did A Lover Retrieval spell that really helped me to get back my woman, so right now we are happily married with two lovely kids..

 

For all those heart broken out there or those who want their ex back should in case you want the help of the spell-caster contact me on [email protected] so that I can hook you up with him or if you want to ask questions...I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news plus he can also do different type of spells that you want… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need’s it.....Don’t give up just yet, the different between “Ordinary” & “Extra-Ordinary” is the “Extra” so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it’s truly worth it.

 

Good Luck.

 

 

is this a joke or a bot?