orion1010 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 My ex and I broke up 9 months ago and he moved out 6 months ago. Every couple of weeks and wants to see me. I let him and he comes over, acts like we are still a couple and I hear from him again soon after. While we are together he tells me that he still loves me but he thinks if we got back together, things would just be the same. We would break up and get back together like clock work, every six months. This past weekend, he asked to see me friday night. While talking, I asked him why he didn't take me fishing all summer and I'd like to go out on the boat we bought together to a place that's very special to us. He finally agreed to take me and we had a beautiful day in the sun. Took a nap on the bow just cuddling. On the 2 hour drive home I asked him why he finally decided to take me and he said he is "less bitter" now. He explained he's never really had time to just be single and wants this time. He said he still has feelings for me and loves me but does not want a relationship. I feel torn. I keep seeing him because I feel there is something still between us but yet he does not want to try again. Why does he keep contacting me and coming back? I never call or text him. He always contacts me. He's not dating anyone and said he does not want to date anyone right now. I still think I love him and can't sort things out in my head because I allow him to continue to see me. I keep trying to move on and met a new guy. He lives an hour away and invited me out last minute to the bars last weekend and I declined. I told him to let me know ahead of time if he's in town and he didn't. Gets totally drunk and calls me at 6am. I ignore the call. then texts me 3 times wanting to come over. I told him I can't because I had plans to go fishing and it was too late to call. I have not slept with him and wanted to do this one right. Try to start something real and he messed up so that's out the window. Because of this guy... I told my FWB, I can't see him anymore the last time we met up. FWB guy then says he's jealous and has feelings for me. Yet he never acted on it and has not since. Have not heard from him since. All of this has happened with these 3 guys within a week and a half. I feel very confused. Should I just eliminate all these guys and not try anymore and start over? Maybe I should stop dating and just enjoy time with friends and give up on men.... Not sure what to do...
Nexus One Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 My ex and I broke up 9 months ago and he moved out 6 months ago. Every couple of weeks and wants to see me. I let him and he comes over, acts like we are still a couple and I hear from him again soon after. While we are together he tells me that he still loves me but he thinks if we got back together, things would just be the same. We would break up and get back together like clock work, every six months. This past weekend, he asked to see me friday night. While talking, I asked him why he didn't take me fishing all summer and I'd like to go out on the boat we bought together to a place that's very special to us. He finally agreed to take me and we had a beautiful day in the sun. Took a nap on the bow just cuddling. On the 2 hour drive home I asked him why he finally decided to take me and he said he is "less bitter" now. He explained he's never really had time to just be single and wants this time. He said he still has feelings for me and loves me but does not want a relationship. I feel torn. I keep seeing him because I feel there is something still between us but yet he does not want to try again. Why does he keep contacting me and coming back? I never call or text him. He always contacts me. He's not dating anyone and said he does not want to date anyone right now. I still think I love him and can't sort things out in my head because I allow him to continue to see me. I keep trying to move on and met a new guy. He lives an hour away and invited me out last minute to the bars last weekend and I declined. I told him to let me know ahead of time if he's in town and he didn't. Gets totally drunk and calls me at 6am. I ignore the call. then texts me 3 times wanting to come over. I told him I can't because I had plans to go fishing and it was too late to call. I have not slept with him and wanted to do this one right. Try to start something real and he messed up so that's out the window. Because of this guy... I told my FWB, I can't see him anymore the last time we met up. FWB guy then says he's jealous and has feelings for me. Yet he never acted on it and has not since. Have not heard from him since. All of this has happened with these 3 guys within a week and a half. I feel very confused. Should I just eliminate all these guys and not try anymore and start over? Maybe I should stop dating and just enjoy time with friends and give up on men.... Not sure what to do... I don't think you need to stop trying, but I do agree that you need a reboot/reset, because this is all a chaotic mess. None of these men seem to really want a relationship with you, yet you keep them around with no clear goal of where things are going. Make clear to men that you are looking to date them for a committed and exclusive relationship, if that is what your looking for. Hanging around with an ex that doesn't want a relationship usually doesn't lead to a relationship. Having an FWB usually doesn't lead to a relationship. And dating a drunk flaky guy usually doesn't lead to a relationship. You need to set some standards for yourself and be clear about what you want. If a guy doesn't meet that standard and isn't clearly looking for the same thing you are, then you both aren't compatible (enough) and you need to move on to someone who is. Keeping them around is just wasting your time, it's not getting you closer to you goal.
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