Els Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Eh, think of it as you dodged a bullet. It's just rude to make excuses and run as soon as someone shows you their photo. Are you really interested in someone that tactless and cowardly?
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Eh, think of it as you dodged a bullet. It's just rude to make excuses and run as soon as someone shows you their photo. Are you really interested in someone that tactless and cowardly? I do think that, at least the rational part of my brain. Especially after how he told me what a good person he thought I was only to bail after seeing my photo. It was like bi-polar. He sounded genuine. Then when he bailed, that was the opposite.
silvermercy Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 If not because of that goal, I don't know why I feel upset about it! I even start to think that I'm losing my good looks. If you really feel down you should save up some money for a spa or facial/body treatment. It works wonders for me. Maybe you feel there's something you personally don't like... So feeling fresh would give you more confidence, regardless of dates. Also if weight is your problem, make it a goal to lose some by joining a gym or a yoga class... Also, take a look at the way you dress. Let me tell you, I look like a Plain Jane when dressed down and gorgeous when in the right clothes with the right hairstyle. Get a few girlfriends or family to suggest some improvements you could easily make but you don't see yourself. Give it some time and invent a brand new you!
Dusk1983 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Basically, I think you're right about women ALSO wanting looks in a man. Maybe we don't want to admit it in case we're seen as shallow as men are portrayed. I don't mind being seen as shallow (even though I ALSO want a good personality, so the correct word would be "picky"). Ahh... it's so refreshing to have a woman come out and be honest over this, and confirm what we already knew! Funnily enough (slightly off topic here) my gf is an attractive Mediterranean and I was surprised she went for me, thinking there must be plenty of Adonis-types back where she's from. Then I went there and, well, I was surprised. My point here is that dating as a man in this city (probably just like NYC and other huge cities) is as competitive as anywhere on earth. I'm a good looking guy but we're a dime a dozen here. Sometimes I miss the small town where I grew up.
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 If you really feel down you should save up some money for a spa or facial/body treatment. It works wonders for me. Maybe you feel there's something you personally don't like... So feeling fresh would give you more confidence, regardless of dates. Also if weight is your problem, make it a goal to lose some by joining a gym or a yoga class... Also, take a look at the way you dress. Let me tell you, I look like a Plain Jane when dressed down and gorgeous when in the right clothes with the right hairstyle. Get a few girlfriends or family to suggest some improvements you could easily make but you don't see yourself. Give it some time and invent a brand new you! IDK. I think it's the face. Like I look different from my photos from a few years ago. I'm a size 2 and I'm a mean dresser. But I have a short bob and don't look like the conventional Megan Fox or Claudia Schiffer.
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 On the sub-topic of whether women like hot men, I have my 2 cents to add. Without sounding like someone perfect and out of this world, I don't go for conventionally good looking men, those that everyone thinks are good looking. I just am attracted to not so good looking men, sometimes those that people don't get why I like. There's a lot to do with chemistry and the whole attraction deal. I don't think it's a clear-cut thing.
tb24 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Hey, where are all these good-looking men in London??? Don't worry, I'm here bringing up the average To the OP: As someone who's had a similar experience from the other side about 6 months ago, I felt it was better to leave the situation than keep chatting and potentially led her on. Now admittedly, this makes me shallow. But sorry, looks matter. I'm not massively fussy about looks but this girl really wasn't my type. Saying that, we only chatted a little online and she seemed nice enough and we got on but there was no huge connection ot her personality either. However, looks were the dealbreaker for me. She messaged me ok PoF with a pictureless profile. We had a few similar interests and a couple of messages back/forth. I asked why she didn't have a pic and she seemed insecure but sent me one anyway. I gracefully backed off. I mean, surely it would be WORSE to keep talking to her and make her think I'm interested? If I'd have led her on, she'd have only felt worse when I eventually said I wasn't interested. It's a difficult situation, but not everyone is going to find everyone else attractive, are they? I'm not the best looking guy but I know some girls don't find me at all attractive and some girls really do. It's just the way things are.
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Don't worry, I'm here bringing up the average To the OP: As someone who's had a similar experience from the other side about 6 months ago, I felt it was better to leave the situation than keep chatting and potentially led her on. Now admittedly, this makes me shallow. But sorry, looks matter. I'm not massively fussy about looks but this girl really wasn't my type. Saying that, we only chatted a little online and she seemed nice enough and we got on but there was no huge connection ot her personality either. However, looks were the dealbreaker for me. She messaged me ok PoF with a pictureless profile. We had a few similar interests and a couple of messages back/forth. I asked why she didn't have a pic and she seemed insecure but sent me one anyway. I gracefully backed off. I mean, surely it would be WORSE to keep talking to her and make her think I'm interested? If I'd have led her on, she'd have only felt worse when I eventually said I wasn't interested. It's a difficult situation, but not everyone is going to find everyone else attractive, are they? I'm not the best looking guy but I know some girls don't find me at all attractive and some girls really do. It's just the way things are. How did you "gracefully" backed off? Would you consider how this guy bailed as being graceful? Just curious. I'm conflicted. While I know people have types and it may not be personal, it doesn't stop me from feeling "oh, I look that bad?" that he had to rush off?
Dusk1983 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Hey, where are all these good-looking men in London??? Any decent coffee shop, pub or bar near Broadway Market, London Fields, Victoria Park, Dalston, Stoke Newington on any given weekend, especially in Summer!
silvermercy Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Any decent coffee shop, pub or bar near Broadway Market, London Fields, Victoria Park, Dalston, Stoke Newington on any given weekend, especially in Summer! *notes down places and books plane ticket and tables for next summer*
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I released my photos for a guy to view. Before that, he was going on about what a great person he thinks I was. After the photos and some more chatting, he abruptly said he had to run. Of course not everyone is everyone's cup of tea. But I'd have appreciated if they don't blah blah about how they like your personality and then throw that out the window when they don't like the way you look. What happened to the great personality? I'm venting and such behavior comes with the territory. But it still hurt a little. Yeah, it's normal to be a little hurt and mad. But his reaction, whatever may have caused it, because you really don't know if it was your looks or not, are just that. Only his. It means nothing more than that. Perhaps he is the kind of guy that is always looking for the bigger better deal. Perhaps it's a game he plays with alot of women. Perhaps he was only interested in pictures and some talking online and already has a girlfriend. Perhaps when he finally gets the type of woman he seeks phyiscally, she ends up treating him like crap. Perhaps alot of things. There are just too many variables to spend your time feeling too sad about a man that proved to be not a good match for you. He showed you his own kind of character early. feel happy for that. Sometimes very beautiful women marry men that acted like they liked them for more then their beauty but then they find themselves in a relationship with a man with very little character. I really think meeting people out in real life is best. Online people seem to develop unrealistic standards that go beyond just having to be attracted to someone. Natural chemistry plays a part in the real world that you just can't mimic online. I especially think today, living in a world where most young men are spending a good chunk of their time with online porn DOES realisitically distort many young men's views about sex, women and how to relate to women. THis is actually another reason I perfer to find a man in real life then online. IN most cases, men online probably spend their time online at other places. There are men that aren't that concerned with the internet and keeping up with the Facebook jones and internet porn. But usually they are spending their time outside in the real world with their real hobbies and friends and family.
somedude81 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Unless you're on a dating site that uses braille, I don't understand why you would not have a picture up.
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 Yeah, it's normal to be a little hurt and mad. But his reaction, whatever may have caused it, because you really don't know if it was your looks or not, are just that. Only his. It means nothing more than that. Perhaps he is the kind of guy that is always looking for the bigger better deal. Perhaps it's a game he plays with alot of women. Perhaps he was only interested in pictures and some talking online and already has a girlfriend. Perhaps when he finally gets the type of woman he seeks phyiscally, she ends up treating him like crap. Perhaps alot of things. There are just too many variables to spend your time feeling too sad about a man that proved to be not a good match for you. He showed you his own kind of character early. feel happy for that. Sometimes very beautiful women marry men that acted like they liked them for more then their beauty but then they find themselves in a relationship with a man with very little character. I really think meeting people out in real life is best. Online people seem to develop unrealistic standards that go beyond just having to be attracted to someone. Natural chemistry plays a part in the real world that you just can't mimic online. I especially think today, living in a world where most young men are spending a good chunk of their time with online porn DOES realisitically distort many young men's views about sex, women and how to relate to women. THis is actually another reason I perfer to find a man in real life then online. IN most cases, men online probably spend their time online at other places. There are men that aren't that concerned with the internet and keeping up with the Facebook jones and internet porn. But usually they are spending their time outside in the real world with their real hobbies and friends and family. Thanks for your kind words and meaningful thoughts. I agree that I shouldn't waste time on someone like that and it's good that I found out early. I would definitely date in real life if it wasn't that difficult. I've got double looks, glances, etc. but getting a guy to actually ask me out is like pulling teeth. That's why I turned to online dating. It's definitely given me stories I could tell my grandchildren about though the ride hasn't been as easy.
Eddie Edirol Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 I would definitely date in real life if it wasn't that difficult. I've got double looks, glances, etc. but getting a guy to actually ask me out is like pulling teeth. You cant GET guys to ask you out if they arent doing that already, you have to be a lil more aggressive and ask them out..
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Thanks for your kind words and meaningful thoughts. I agree that I shouldn't waste time on someone like that and it's good that I found out early. I would definitely date in real life if it wasn't that difficult. I've got double looks, glances, etc. but getting a guy to actually ask me out is like pulling teeth. That's why I turned to online dating. It's definitely given me stories I could tell my grandchildren about though the ride hasn't been as easy. Yeah, I hear you. I think that there is probably a lot less approaching going on today then there was 20-30 years ago pre-internet. Now everyone just goes home on Facebook or dating sites. You got to really put yourself out there. I would consider getting invovled in a new activity that would include like minded men. There is a website called meetup.com that you can search for groups to join that have common interests. Whether it's playing softball on saturdays, hiking, arts..whatever.
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 Yeah, I hear you. I think that there is probably a lot less approaching going on today then there was 20-30 years ago pre-internet. Now everyone just goes home on Facebook or dating sites. You got to really put yourself out there. I would consider getting invovled in a new activity that would include like minded men. There is a website called meetup.com that you can search for groups to join that have common interests. Whether it's playing softball on saturdays, hiking, arts..whatever. I'm a member of some of the meetup activities though I don't always sign up for the events. I have slackened a little so should get back on it. I'm better in one-on-one situations and when "forced" to be in that situation, I usually could "charm" the guys. But in a big setting, it's less successful. So I kind of stopped going for those big meetup events.
2sunny Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 I contacted him first, with profile saying picture upon request. He responded requesting for the picture and how he thought the "me" in the profile was really someone he had been looking for blah blah blah. I don't mind so much that he bailed if he hadn't gone on about how he had been looking for someone like me, according to the profile. I get that not everyone is everyone's cup of tea and I'm not delusional to expect every guy out there wants me. But it just left me feeling "ugly" after this. :mad: so you chatted with a guy for ten minutes - then handed him THAT much power within ten minutes time? sheez, love yourself for who YOU are - not based on what someone thinks or doesn't think of you. work on THAT concept before corresponding with any new man. you are making way too many assumptions from ten minutes of interaction... and taking it personally. have you read the four agreements by don miguel ruiz? it would help you immensely.
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 so you chatted with a guy for ten minutes - then handed him THAT much power within ten minutes time? sheez, love yourself for who YOU are - not based on what someone thinks or doesn't think of you. work on THAT concept before corresponding with any new man. you are making way too many assumptions from ten minutes of interaction... and taking it personally. have you read the four agreements by don miguel ruiz? it would help you immensely. Checked the book on Amazon. Looks interesting and will get it. I love reading! Thanks.
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