CommanderPanda Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 hi im a beginner to this so bare with me, im gonna start from the beginning because its quite complicated right me and my girlfriend broke up a year ago for reasons that i'll not go into but we were absolutely fine when we got back together a couple months later, anyway we got back together adn things were actually going good and i mean good i was really happy but during the end of it she jus didnt see me at all like for a whole week and a half and the weeks before that were jus me coming to help her with things.a few weeks before she says she wants a break but we are still kinda going out because she thinks she making me upset because she woudlnt ever come round to mine, 2 weeks later were doin fineuntil the third week, during that last week wherer she didnt see me i tried to facebook her messages askng whether she wanted to come round because i made sure the house was free, she kept saying she needed to do work so i accepted that. but like when she was free she decieded to see her friends instead even though i messaged her saying i really missed her. on the saturday before we broke up i messaged her a couple of times because she wouldnt reply all day so i was getting a little frustrated because she said she would the day before. so i messaged her a few times and she has a go at me so i say sorry and go offline for a while, later on she messages me sayin sorry, i said thats ok love. the day after she still is doing work and decides again to see one of her friends instead of me so i get frustrated and send her a message saying ' do you even care about spending time with me' and she then says (not by word) 'we are not in a relationship, i am single and your are suffocating me by sending messages all the time, thats why im annoyed with you. I have my work to do and i dont have much time, you can arrange time with me next week but it would have to be ate the end of the week' i said back 'so you jus dumped me then?' 'i wouldve got back with you if you wouldnt have kept sending me message all the time ugh' and thats about it i feel horrible right now because i mustve done something wrong and she wont even talk to me in any way at all. what am i supposed to do? and sorry for the long post
KathyM Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 hi im a beginner to this so bare with me, im gonna start from the beginning because its quite complicated right me and my girlfriend broke up a year ago for reasons that i'll not go into but we were absolutely fine when we got back together a couple months later, anyway we got back together adn things were actually going good and i mean good i was really happy but during the end of it she jus didnt see me at all like for a whole week and a half and the weeks before that were jus me coming to help her with things.a few weeks before she says she wants a break but we are still kinda going out because she thinks she making me upset because she woudlnt ever come round to mine, 2 weeks later were doin fineuntil the third week, during that last week wherer she didnt see me i tried to facebook her messages askng whether she wanted to come round because i made sure the house was free, she kept saying she needed to do work so i accepted that. but like when she was free she decieded to see her friends instead even though i messaged her saying i really missed her. on the saturday before we broke up i messaged her a couple of times because she wouldnt reply all day so i was getting a little frustrated because she said she would the day before. so i messaged her a few times and she has a go at me so i say sorry and go offline for a while, later on she messages me sayin sorry, i said thats ok love. the day after she still is doing work and decides again to see one of her friends instead of me so i get frustrated and send her a message saying ' do you even care about spending time with me' and she then says (not by word) 'we are not in a relationship, i am single and your are suffocating me by sending messages all the time, thats why im annoyed with you. I have my work to do and i dont have much time, you can arrange time with me next week but it would have to be ate the end of the week' i said back 'so you jus dumped me then?' 'i wouldve got back with you if you wouldnt have kept sending me message all the time ugh' and thats about it i feel horrible right now because i mustve done something wrong and she wont even talk to me in any way at all. what am i supposed to do? and sorry for the long post She just wasn't that into you, and that is why she didn't appreciate your attempts to contact her or get together with her. You just have to accept that and move on. If a girl is really interested, she'll want contact and want to get together, and not pass you up to see other friends. You'll be a priority in her life. Time to move on. You can't force someone to feel something that is not there.
oldguy Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 She just wasn't that into you, and that is why she didn't appreciate your attempts to contact her or get together with her. You just have to accept that and move on. If a girl is really interested, she'll want contact and want to get together, and not pass you up to see other friends. You'll be a priority in her life. Time to move on. You can't force someone to feel something that is not there. I have to second that. Sorry guy.
Eddie Edirol Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I think she found another guy she wanted to date and used your "too many messages" comment to put the blame on you and dump you. She was getting distant and you naturally started sending her more messages. Next time, talk on the phone, text messages are for wusses.
Author CommanderPanda Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 thanks but it jus wasnt like her to even do that, im guessin it is a lost cause but i would like to try because she actually still says she loves me more than anything, its similar to the first time we broke up and then we got back together i dunno?i think there is something there and had to use internet (no credit and said it wasnt right me phoning all the time)
KathyM Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 thanks but it jus wasnt like her to even do that, im guessin it is a lost cause but i would like to try because she actually still says she loves me more than anything, its similar to the first time we broke up and then we got back together i dunno?i think there is something there and had to use internet (no credit and said it wasnt right me phoning all the time) You say she claims to love you, yet she doesn't want you to contact her so much and she puts you off to make dates with friends. Sounds like her words and her actions are not congruent, and I'd have to say that actions speak louder than words. When you really love someone, you want to see them often. You want to talk on the phone or text often. You're not putting them off. If she loves you, why is she blowing you off to make dates with her friends? Doesn't sound like love to me. But if we give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she really does love you, maybe she's the type of person who likes a lot of space and independence, but still wants a SO in her life. Then when you are wanting a normal relationship with someone you love, which includes frequent contact, frequent dates, etc., it's not going to mesh with someone who wants space and independence. If you want the relationship to work, you're going to have to give her those things--space and independence. If you'd rather have a relationship that is closer, I think you're going to have to let this one go and find someone who values a close relationship with her SO.
Author CommanderPanda Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 i kinda guessed this was the case, wish it wasnt but i jus dont wanna keep feeling bad when i do something'wrong' in her eyes. not the first time this has happened with her and i shouldve learned from my past mistake jus wish that she could have been closer with me :'(
flitzanu Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 yup. nothing confusing about that one at all. she found another guy, or realized she didn't really want to be with you. or both. either way, nothing you do or say at this point is going to change any of it, so just believe us when we say to drop her and move on.
Eddie Edirol Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 thanks but it jus wasnt like her to even do that, im guessin it is a lost cause but i would like to try because she actually still says she loves me more than anything, its similar to the first time we broke up and then we got back together i dunno?i think there is something there and had to use internet (no credit and said it wasnt right me phoning all the time) Oh yes it absolutely like her to do that, right under your nose. You wont find out for a couple weeks, but she will show up somewhere with another guy. She tells you what you need to hear to not be as hurt, and to keep you hoping just in case the new guy doesnt work. Thats why her actions and words dont match. When someone loves you, they want to be with you,. When dont want to hear from you, they are tired of you, and certainly are not in love with you anymore.
Chi townD Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 For the most part. Taking a break= breaking up. Don't kid yourself. It also means, I see another guy I'm interested in and I want to see if there's a possibility, if not...then I got this guy on stand-by. Here's the hard part... move on. Sooner or later she may contact you again. She's gonna feel bad that things didn't end well, especially if it's because of another guy. The guilt is gonna get to her and she may reach out. YOU NEED TO IGNORE HER! The first knee jerk reaction from a text or an e-mail or even a phone call is to respond. It's what you used to do with her. Take a deep breath a don't respond. Post here instead. She chose to have you out of her life and that's EXACTLY what you give her. She either gets 100% of you or nothing at all. Also, block her on FB. Trust me, if there is another guy on the scene, it's only a matter of time before she starts posting pics of them together. You really don't want to see that. Just block her.
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