joystickd Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I noticed in both genders on here some seem to dislike some of the threads where people have been direct about what they wanted. I will admit these people that know what they want should have maybe presented their desires in a better light but why say golddigger for someone who wants money or misogynist for some man that has certain requirements. misogynist is a very strong word. Like for example I am a man that occasionally meets someone and only wants sex. There is nothing wrong with that. A woman should respect the fact that i am honest about what I want and not being deceptive and saying i want a relationship when i dont. dating would be a lot better if people were open and honest. The whole double standard argument also crazy too. We all make choices and at the end of the day not everyone is going to like them. Some have like promiscuous women are among men a question of loyalty and if in a committed relationship sometimes even a question of paternity. Men being womanizers are also a question of loyalty and what if he kids outside this relationship. My thing is if you do something or want something just be honest about it. It saves a lot of time and stress for you and the other person and being manipulative opens you up to be manipulated to.
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 There are many reasons people lie. Honesty is something someone gives or adheres to because it's something they value and believe in --- for often times it is NOT rewarded and instead it is punished. That's just the way of it. One who values honesty should attempt to skim off unnecessary brutality, but sometimes hurt and other consequences cannot be avoided --- sometimes one cannot be openly honest without being hurtful / misunderstood / disliked etc. It would be nice if people appreciated and respected "honesty" and that honesty itself was enough --- but the truth is that sometimes it is just too damaging to... at least, initially... but sometimes... indefinitely. Also keep in mind that honesty can lie =P
bac Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Like for example I am a man that occasionally meets someone and only wants sex. There is nothing wrong with that. A woman should respect the fact that i am honest about what I want and not being deceptive and saying i want a relationship when i dont. dating would be a lot better if people were open and honest. QUOTE] How many females did agree to have sex with you when you were so honest? My guess is 1 female of 50. In other words, the other 49 females respected the fact that you were honest and respectfully rejected you right away. If you think that getting rejections all the time makes dating a lot better, go ahead to continue being open and honest.
FrustratedStandards Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Unfortunately most people aren't mature enough to appreciate such direct honesty. Most get offended, but I blame this on insecurity. Women will get offended because they are never happy with themselves, and men will get offended because they always think a woman is never happy with them.
FrustratedStandards Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 How many females did agree to have sex with you when you were so honest? My guess is 1 female of 50. In other words, the other 49 females respected the fact that you were honest and respectfully rejected you right away. If you think that getting rejections all the time makes dating a lot better, go ahead to continue being open and honest. So you're suggesting he lies and manipulates them into bed instead?
FitChick Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Some people insist in honesty while being less than honest themselves.
Quiet Storm Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) I agree that it would be much better if people were honest. There is way too much misrepresentation going on. In addition, many people lie to themselves. Lots of denial going on, too. Men who are only interested in sex are put between a rock and a hard place. If they don't pretend they want a relationship and are honest about wanting sex only, most women would pass on that. Because for us, sex isn't usually the best thing about a relationship. We are interested in spending time together, talking, sharing, caring...all the stuff that some guys just don't care about. For some men, the MAIN reason they get in a relationship (or even get married) is so that they have a regular sex partner. It's like the old saying...men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love. So men that want sex only either have to pay for it, be honest and get dumped, fake a "relationship" to get regular sex, or find the rare chick who is content with just being an eff-buddy. I see a lot of posts where the man is uneasy about his woman's past. She either had too many, or did things that aren't really in line with his values. The responses are usually "it's your issue" or "get over it". But my experience has been that if something bothers you early in a relationship...it doesn't just go away. You can bury it, stuff it down...but it festers. In many cases, if a guy marries a woman with a past he doesn't like, he will eventually feel like he settled for someone else's plaything. He will have mind movies featuring the things he wishes she never did. He would try not to let it bother him, but it still would, resulting in a very moody man. He may even have kids, and end up in a marriage where he doesn't respect his wife. IMO, it's better for these guys to be honest with THEMSELVES (and also the woman). Because even though they know logically they shouldn't care about her past, THEY DO CARE about her past. And stuffing those feelings isn't smart. It's better to just find someone compatible with your personal values. The biggest dishonesty issue, IMO, is that so many of us lie to ourselves. We see signs that a person may be using us, we have nagging doubts, we hear things that put a little knot in our stomach...and we push it down. Because we like these people and want to give them the benefit of the doubt. IMO, instead of trying to ignore these issues, treat them as warning bells. I think it's our body's natural alarm system telling us that something just isn't right. So many times, the truth is in front of our face and we just don't see it. Being aware, asking the right questions, paying attention to body language, watching how people are in relation to others... all of these things can help us weed out the genuine from the liars. Edited October 6, 2011 by Quiet Storm
bac Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 So you're suggesting he lies and manipulates them into bed instead? No, I do not. I suggest he goes with flow and sees what happens. He thinks that he knows what he wants but most people do not know what they want even they are not aware of that. He might want to give it a benefit of doubt. He might think/say that he does not know the girl yet and he wants to get to know her better (sexually and intelectually) to figure out if she is the right person for him. Then, I suggest him to have sex with the girl as many times as he wants and to do whatever he wants with her socially untill he makes his mind on the girl.
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Some people insist in honesty while being less than honest themselves. A truly honest person admits that they're not always honest
Author joystickd Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 How many females did agree to have sex with you when you were so honest? My guess is 1 female of 50. In other words, the other 49 females respected the fact that you were honest and respectfully rejected you right away. If you think that getting rejections all the time makes dating a lot better, go ahead to continue being open and honest. I look at this and you seem to be missing the point. I mean direct and honest communication. I also said occasionally just want sex. There are some women men just want to have sex with nothing more. Then on the other hand there are some you want a relationship with. I have had horrible experiences in dating most of my years since I have been interested in the opposite sex. My main problem was my lack of confidence and an unwillingness to be honest with myself about things and seeing things for what they really were. My very first experience was with a married women that i fell in love with. I posted that on here once. I didnt see it for what it was and fooled myself into thinking I could turn it into something more. It was hard to get over and even had to have some therapy for it. Now though married women are a source of fun for me now because i learned to be honest about what I want and honest with myself. The only problem is now I have trouble with single women. I live in a small town and very limited amount of single women. I need to also figure out why I seem to attract attached women. my main thing is just say what you mean. Like I have experienced this and i see it on here men being in the friend zone. If you are not attracted to someone just say it don't be like "oh you are such a nice guy but" that is like saying you are qualified but i just dont want to hire you. My rule for myself is to cut communication with a woman that has reduced me to the friend zone. It save a lot of hassle. There are too many women out here to be focused on one. Plus most of the time those friendship dont translate into relationships so quit selling that line. Two people that start out as platonic friends may translate but that is because no one started out with a romantic interest in the other. Just like men if you want to not be serious with a woman and just have fun say it. There is no shame in what you desire.
neowulf Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 It's a nice ideal, but discounts the fact that when it comes to attraction, sex, love and emotion in general.. people aren't exactly rational. Sure, everyone can sit down and say "This is what I want", in a nice, rational conversation. Throw in some sex and suddenly, the rules go out the a window. People aren't rational when it comes to these things, even when they believe they will be. I think communication is the bedrock of *any* good relationship. All you can do it be up front and clear about what you want. Then, if it goes badly, showing a little kindness and patience to let the person down easy. I think a little compassion and kindness would go a long way in the dating scene in general.
nofool4u Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Unfortunately most people aren't mature enough to appreciate such direct honesty. oh no. direct honesty is appreciated. its the immaturity that comes with the honesty in that you think there isn't one man in the world worth your time other than financially. Not only is that narcissistic, its silly and makes you a misandrist.
grkBoy Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Unfortunately most people aren't mature enough to appreciate such direct honesty. Most get offended, but I blame this on insecurity. Women will get offended because they are never happy with themselves, and men will get offended because they always think a woman is never happy with them. Pretty much. Most people can't handle the truth in either way. I'm saying not only can most people not handle an honest rejection, but they can't even handle when someone says "I like you, and I want to get to know you, maybe fall in love with you." It always astounds me how people expect to find mates when they treat dating and love as some contest to see who breaks first and takes the risk of speaking honestly. As for dishonest rejections, I hate them, but I know they are a fact of life. The guys who blew up into massive drama on a girl who honestly said "I'm not into you" is why many will lie now about a rejection. The funny part is the lie is told, both sides know it's a lie, but yet we accept this as an underlying message of "he/she isn't into you".
Content Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Nobody is gettign on people for just beign direct and honest theyre getting on people for being entitled and whining that their amazngly high standards arent beign met.. If a womne who offers little wants a rich man or a an ugly broke guy wants a suprmodel more power to you buy nobody is gonna feel sorry for you when you complain that your amazigly high standards are not being met..
denise_xo Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I don't think the problem in the threads you are referring to has been the level of honesty, it's been the nature of various people's expectations. People can have whatever preference they want, but others may find them unreasonable or not very suitable as foundations for a long term relationship.
grkBoy Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I noticed in both genders on here some seem to dislike some of the threads where people have been direct about what they wanted. I will admit these people that know what they want should have maybe presented their desires in a better light but why say golddigger for someone who wants money or misogynist for some man that has certain requirements. misogynist is a very strong word. Like for example I am a man that occasionally meets someone and only wants sex. There is nothing wrong with that. A woman should respect the fact that i am honest about what I want and not being deceptive and saying i want a relationship when i dont. dating would be a lot better if people were open and honest. The whole double standard argument also crazy too. We all make choices and at the end of the day not everyone is going to like them. Some have like promiscuous women are among men a question of loyalty and if in a committed relationship sometimes even a question of paternity. Men being womanizers are also a question of loyalty and what if he kids outside this relationship. My thing is if you do something or want something just be honest about it. It saves a lot of time and stress for you and the other person and being manipulative opens you up to be manipulated to. In this case, people have a problem because they realize the person they're drooling over isn't the person they hoped him/her to be. So the lower-income guy who meets hot girl who really wants to meet a cute doctor or lawyer so she can raise a family without financial struggle will get angry because he feels like he's "not good enough". It's like the women who meet Mr Amazing, but lament on him because he simply and honestly says he never wants to get married and just wants to be single and sleep with hot women. The problem is too many paint such a detailed image of the ideal person, and then get angry when someone doesn't meet that fantasy. It's what I read about in Unhooked Generation. I still stand by my other reply though in just coming clean. People lie nowadays because no one wants to hear the truth.
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