StellaA Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 It has been 3 months.......for the last month or so we have had NC but his mum occasional talks to me as I see her every now and then. I saw her yesterday as she was waiting where I was picking someone up (they work together) We have a good relationship but I don't think she realises how hard I am finding things by talking about the family like I am part of it. So.....I have been feeling 'ok' for a few weeks, by no means over it but not tearful, today I feel rubbish and everything reminds me of him and I miss him today, does anyone else get odd days like this?
broken-and-lost Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 unfortunately yes, and i'm a year down the line it's probably more normal at 3 months as that's no time at all so don't feel bad about feeling the way you do
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Really do Stella, I had been really strong for weeks (well not really strong, but I wasn't pining over her!) but this last few days have been tough! It's kind of frustrating because I thought I was getting better (and maybe I am), but grief is a strange thing. It doesn't just follow a sequence i.e. - Denial - Bargaining - Depression - Anger - Acceptance The reality is these emotions are really mixed up and we will usually feel each of them several times, so having the odd bad day or week is important to our healing, so be sad, because this is how the body deals with loss. If you don't allow yourself to experience the sadness it will never go away because you haven't dealt with it. As I said to someone yesterday, try not to think of a pink elephant right now. You can't get it out of your head, can you??? Grief is the same. The more you try not to think about it the stronger it becomes! This bad day / few days will pass, but will likely come back again in the future, but it won't stay forever and eventually you will experience acceptance and will move on with your life.
Author StellaA Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Thanks for the comments guys, they really help. It helps knowing other people also experience it so I don't feel like I am going backwards or not as foar forwards as I thought I was. It is strange how it does all mix itslef up, why do you feel ok and then the next day feel bad again! it doesn't make sense. What makes it worse is I don't think my ex is going through this (he dumped me) Do boys deal with things differently? I guess 3 months isn't aht long really, just want to feel 'normal' again.
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Thanks for the comments guys, they really help. It helps knowing other people also experience it so I don't feel like I am going backwards or not as foar forwards as I thought I was. It is strange how it does all mix itslef up, why do you feel ok and then the next day feel bad again! it doesn't make sense. What makes it worse is I don't think my ex is going through this (he dumped me) Do boys deal with things differently? I guess 3 months isn't aht long really, just want to feel 'normal' again. I'm a boy (well a MAN ) and I've honestly never felt worse! I've been on suicide watch, been on anti-depressants, been to two different therapists and have been signed off work on the sick for almost three months... BUT do you think I show this to my ex??? No chance! I know she's going through hell too, but when she calls at my house or texts me I become a better actor than Tom Hanks. Furthermore my Facebook page is all sunshine and light, talking about going out with my friends and adding loads of new girls (who I have NO interest in). My point is this, many guys (like me) don't want to give their ex the satisfaction of knowing they're hurting. Personally I was dumped, but a lot of my friends who broke up with their gf's have acted exactly how I have. Don't be fooled, he's probably hurting big time!
broken-and-lost Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Thanks for the comments guys, they really help. It helps knowing other people also experience it so I don't feel like I am going backwards or not as foar forwards as I thought I was. It is strange how it does all mix itslef up, why do you feel ok and then the next day feel bad again! it doesn't make sense. What makes it worse is I don't think my ex is going through this (he dumped me) Do boys deal with things differently? I guess 3 months isn't aht long really, just want to feel 'normal' again. I don't think it matters if your a boy or girl , i'm a man and i've suffered so much over the last year yet i think my ex is fine now, i just want to feel normal too as the dumpee it's always harder to move on as you have so many things in your head about the relationship and where it went wrong
mike588 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I'm a boy (well a MAN ) and I've honestly never felt worse! I've been on suicide watch, been on anti-depressants, been to two different therapists and have been signed off work on the sick for almost three months... BUT do you think I show this to my ex??? No chance! I know she's going through hell too, but when she calls at my house or texts me I become a better actor than Tom Hanks. Furthermore my Facebook page is all sunshine and light, talking about going out with my friends and adding loads of new girls (who I have NO interest in). My point is this, many guys (like me) don't want to give their ex the satisfaction of knowing they're hurting. Personally I was dumped, but a lot of my friends who broke up with their gf's have acted exactly how I have. Don't be fooled, he's probably hurting big time! I think most of us would like to know that our ex. is hurting too. I do! In my, case she went back to her ex. I often wondered if she's hurting,, is it affecting her relationship with him? or is she just care free and so happy and not experiencing any pain/remorse.
Fleabitten Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Grief is a roller coaster of emotions, you can feel ok for days then suddenly something jolts you and you're going back, sideways, lengthways, upside down. I'm in no position to offer any sensible advise but have a hug. xo
Author StellaA Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Yeah your right, I guess all of us want to know our ex is feeling the same. I guess when you have been dumped you assume the dumper is ok as they dumped you so it must have been what they wanted??!! It's hard not speaking to someone you have spoken to for so much of your life, I hate now talking to him, it kills me to think I may not speak to him again and someone will replace me. we never fell out of love just too much other stuff got in the way and I really wish he would have fought more for us
Fleabitten Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Yeah your right, I guess all of us want to know our ex is feeling the same. I guess when you have been dumped you assume the dumper is ok as they dumped you so it must have been what they wanted??!! It's hard not speaking to someone you have spoken to for so much of your life, I hate now talking to him, it kills me to think I may not speak to him again and someone will replace me. we never fell out of love just too much other stuff got in the way and I really wish he would have fought more for us He is not ok or happy, of course he isn't. But if somebody isn't willing to fight for a relationship and listen to their partner, then your hands really are tied.
Author StellaA Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Yeah I know, that's what I have to accept that is it is over and I can not do anything about it
Mack05 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) I really wish he would have fought more for us I think every dumpee feels that way, sometimes even the dumper. At one stage, I left my last relationship for valid reasons. Part of me was hoping she would understand my reasons for leaving and fight for me (because I still loved her), but instead said "don't ever bother me again" and she didn't even want to know my final reasons for leaving. I'm sure she felt if I wanted to stay in the R, that I wouldn't have left in the first place, so I can see her point of view. Therefore you are both disappointed the other person didn't fight harder, but the end result is the same. The relationship is over. Edited October 6, 2011 by Mack05
Glove_slap Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 all the time, it would be not normal if you didn't.
Author StellaA Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 What point do you still think about it but it doesn't drive you crazy? or obsess over it
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 What point do you still think about it but it doesn't drive you crazy? or obsess over it Good question!!! I think it's when that's all you do. That's why it's important to force yourself to go out and try to enjoy life or better yourself. I've just tried to think of one person I know who has never gotten over someone and can't do it, so I guess our mind is extremely resilient!
Glove_slap Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 What point do you still think about it but it doesn't drive you crazy? or obsess over it Well my ex (first love) broke up with me over a year ago and started dating her new bf weeks after we broke up. they're still together and it does go through my mind, maybe a few times a day but I usually just brush it off until someone or something reminds me of her. I miss her sometimes but it's kind of like the feeling where I miss missing her as I forgot how that feeling felt. When someone asks me a question about relationships - something really in-depth a memory of us would flash by in the same scenario. I'm not quite sure how to explain it to you but I can tell you one thing for sure. The first half year we broke up, I cried everyday at least twice. The second half year was all about me, although she did pass by my thoughts and I broke down about once a month. The last time I broke down was about a month ago but before that was probably 3-4 months, so who knows when the next time'll be. Eventually it disappears like all things. I'm not sure if I answered your question lol
Author StellaA Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Yeah, I think it is just a 'time thing' it is re-assuring to hear from other people as I guess I feel like I should feel better after 3 months but it is going to be longer! I'm going away for a few weeks so I'm hoping that will do me good.
sleepykitten Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Hi Stella, I have good and bad days, generally I find the worst days when i break nc are those due on pmt days in fact its been exactly the same day each month...which a neurophen could also take that pain away lol!! At least I can blame it on hormones, but joking aside I honestly feel like total rubbish all the feelings of rejection, fear sadness, needing answers to the eternal unanswered questions, you would think i would have learnt by now that to contact him only brings another setback. i just like everyone else here want to know that he has some feelings of remorse over how he treated me at the end and acknowledge the hurt but of course he wont. I wish i could just shrug it off as though it doesnt matter but when he left after months and months of me feeling insecure and knowing something was wrong my self esteem which is low anyway was in the gutter, and its clear i still have some way to go in looking after myself enough to not need him to make me feel better. Tough though when you put your heart and trust so compleatly in someone and they turn out to be the ones who bring you to your knees.
Author StellaA Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 I'm so sorry sleepykitten. I know how u feel. Pmt does not help, but come on here instead of contacting ex. I really, really want to contact ex tonight but instead im on here.......help.......i miss him so much
R32 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 We're all in this together... It's been a week of NC for me. There's times where I feel great, but then other times where I feel like complete ****
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 We're all in this together... It's been a week of NC for me. There's times where I feel great, but then other times where I feel like complete **** Really comforting post R32, and you're right we are all in this together! I came home to an empty house again tonight and felt really bummed out, but just coming on here makes me feel like I'm not alone. I love LS:love: (lol)
perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 its almost been a year since him and i broke up and i still have my rough days so i know EXACTLY how you feel...we tried reconnecting again two months ago but just last week we decided to stop seeing each other because the circumstances in our lives make things really complicated. i feel like we just broke up all over again, but it will be okay whenever you feel down, simply thinking positive helps sooo much, for me at least. i plan on using NC as a way to better myself, and i hope the next time i cross paths with him, he is a better person too and the timing is better between us. as for talking to his family, i know how you feel im still very close to his family and they always tell me how much they miss me and how no one will ever take my place in their hearts. ugh it breaks my heart...but i love them so much, they are such great people and i am thankful that they still care a lot about me like i do for them
Zabs Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 We all have them..it comforts me to know that he misses me too...but he is stubborn and with influences that do around and inside him...it could be a long wait....so I ain't. Trying to look at NC as win win as Calreese so aptly described it! Zabs xx
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