immitable Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Little over 4 months broken up. NC the whole time. Just a couple of "business" e mails. She asked me abouth a 2 months ago to arrange to pick up my stuff. I replied that she can send it to me per cab. Gave her my sddress which she asked for. Got a reply weeks after that that I shuld pick it up myself she's too busy to organize it. Contacted her 3 weeks ago that I want now to pick up my stuff (arrange a date), no reply. Sent the same note week ago, still no reply. Should I just give up on the whole thing or wait for a reply. Is she playing some sort of games or what? I thought she'd be happy I got my stuff. We lived together for 3 years.
Author immitable Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 At the time we broke up, her parents came to visit and stay, they do it every year even wanted to go on vacations with us (were able to do that only once becuase I opposed), they live in another country. This time they are staying at her (once ours) place for 6 months. The reason I didn't pick up all the stuff, because she gave my key to her father as for him to be the doorman, I found that insulting. Even when she broke up, she set a "date" at our appartment, her father was also in another room. Made me wonder, what sort of experinece she had breaking up in the past (her last marrige ended also all of a sudden) they must have theratened her or something, I am not that kind of a person. But anyway, what do you suggest I should do?
oldguy Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 If you told her to put it all in a cab it can't be that much. Tell her you will be by on a certain day & time to pick up your things. That should get a response & even if it doesn't, show up & see how it goes. You will either get in or not.
Author immitable Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Thank you for the reply, that is a good idea.
stillafool Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I would forget about the stuff if I were you. You were able to live without it for 4 months it must not be that important. It has been 2 months since she asked you to pick it up with no response from you. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't get rid of your things by now. I would just let it go.
Author immitable Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) I would forget about the stuff if I were you. You were able to live without it for 4 months it must not be that important. It has been 2 months since she asked you to pick it up with no response from you. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't get rid of your things by now. I would just let it go. - No problem, I can forget the stuff, but she can also forget about the money I technically owe her (legally I don't) but I was willing to repay back. I didn't mention this above. I started paying it back in installments right after we broke up, but she requested to have it back sooner. Honestly I can't do tha and she knew that. - 2 months ago I told her to send it in per cab, she first asked for my address and than said she can't do it too busy. Is she now playing some mind games or what? Edited October 6, 2011 by immitable
stillafool Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 No I think she is playing a power game. Perhaps you should tell her to keep the stuff and sell it to get back the money you owe her.
Author immitable Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 No I think she is playing a power game. Perhaps you should tell her to keep the stuff and sell it to get back the money you owe her. Ha ha, I think you 're right was thinking the same myself about the power games. Honestly, I am sick of this. Thanks for the reply though
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Seems she's angry with you, otherwise she would've sorted this out! Does she have anything you really want back?
oldguy Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 No, you didn't mention the money, she may very well be with holder your stuff until she gets paid in full. This is a much dicier situation now & may even come down to mediation.
Author immitable Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 @Oldguy, she may and it may come to mediation but in that case she can pretty much lose. Like I mentioned above she has no legal ground to request it back and even if she can I have a legal paperwork supporting the fact that she gave me the money (which she did at the time) not to be returned. Legally chances are she loses or I pay her in installments, basically on my terms not on hers, this is my free will. Since it was her wish to break up with me I figured I do things on my terms not worrying about what and how she may think. She also knows if I don't get the stuff she gets no money back. @Dovic, yeah man I was thinking the same thing, and she was mad at the moment when she broke up with me, blaming me for everything. I didn't cheat on her, didn't abuse her, she had a communcation problem I don't. Her last 3 year marrige ended the same way to where she presented the divorce paperwork all of a sudden to a totally unsuspecting husband. She has a history of running away from issues. She came to europe and left her parental home when her parents were fighting and trying to save their marriage. The only person she has to be mad at is herself, I gave her all the support and when she felt strong enough she decided to cal it quits. See, she read the book "Eat pray love" andI am thinking this is her motto in life to live by that book. Sort of an independent modern woman bs. And no, she wasn't distancing herself before it ended, at least not as much I was distancing myself, but my intent was not to break up but to bring something new to the relationsip (make her miss me sort of). We were 5 years together.
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Well I think you've succeeding in making her miss you, she just can't see it through the anger. I think she will though, but she sounds a bit unstable... I sound like a hypocrite asking this because my ex is crazy as **** and I'd take her back in a minute, but do you really want her back?
Author immitable Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) Well I think you've succeeding in making her miss you, she just can't see it through the anger. I think she will though, but she sounds a bit unstable... I sound like a hypocrite asking this because my ex is crazy as **** and I'd take her back in a minute, but do you really want her back? Yeah Dovic, I see where you coming from. I am not sure if I'd take her back or not if she cam eback though. See we have a long history, met as teenagers had a fling for about two weeks when she was on holiday and than went back not to hear from her for years (her years through college) I heard she went back to her bf at the time. Heard from her years after (when she got a job in europe) but I was too busy and in another relationship. It was only 5 years ago where she approached me (her marriage was ending at the time) and told me that her gut was telling her that I was the one. I took her but also told her at the time that it is going to take a lot of time before I can rebuild the trust again. I can't lie she did a lot to prove that, she even moved to my town and got a job here. Like I said I supported her and she made a great progress in her job, she on the other side supported me. Upon breaking up she tells me that her gut is telling her that she has no more feelings for me wtf!! typical for this forum, I know Technically this was her second chance and I told her that. As a person she is very proud but she lost a lot more than I imo. I can also guarantee you that the "freedom/relief" she felt when she broke up with me was just momentary. I still don't know if I'd take her back, she made a statement also that she has done a lot for me (during break up talk), what was she trying to say by that I have no idea. Maybe she thought if she changes her mind I'll be back at the snap of her fingers. Working on myself at the moment and trying to convince myself not to think about her about the whys and what ifs it is really draining, adn I can tell you that I am happy with myself at the moment. Edited October 6, 2011 by immitable
Author immitable Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Thank you for the replies guys, any input is appreciated
Author immitable Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 bump......could I please get some more opinions, thank you
rubberball Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I was in a similar situation as she is. I still have my ex stuff, she has canceled coming to get it three times. I had to say no once since I was already out of town when she asked to come get it. It has to do with power, my x offered for me to bring it to her - I said no, I didnt want to help her/make it easy for her. She made the mess she can clean it up. I do not want the stuff and have been trying for more then a month to find a time she could come pick it up. I think we are set to finally get it out this weekend. fingers crossed. The other thing that people have told me is that once she gets the stuff, or in your case returns it there is no reason/excuse to talk to you. She may not want to let that last little connect to you go. That doesnt mean that she is trying to decide if she wants to come back or not.
Author immitable Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 I was in a similar situation as she is. I still have my ex stuff, she has canceled coming to get it three times. I had to say no once since I was already out of town when she asked to come get it. It has to do with power, my x offered for me to bring it to her - I said no, I didnt want to help her/make it easy for her. She made the mess she can clean it up. I do not want the stuff and have been trying for more then a month to find a time she could come pick it up. I think we are set to finally get it out this weekend. fingers crossed. The other thing that people have told me is that once she gets the stuff, or in your case returns it there is no reason/excuse to talk to you. She may not want to let that last little connect to you go. That doesnt mean that she is trying to decide if she wants to come back or not. It definately has to do with power, I think that this could be the reason. Btw she broke up with me, did you break up with your gf? On the interesting second point you mentioned rubberball, you might be onto something as well, see, we had a strict NC this whole time, I blocked her and her whole family and friends from FB. We really have NC, and the possibility to bump into eachpther equals to zero. Like I mentioned her parents are still there and she really has acontrolling mother who is not a big fan of me, they pushed to do things like joint vacations and I opposed as we were both very busy and it was our only intimate time. Her mother was giving me hints like we should get married and we should have children, she on the other hand never mentioned something like that, she used to tell in from of our friends that she isn't ready to have children yet etc.
rubberball Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 [quote=immitable;3664121} Btw she broke up with me, did you break up with your gf? On paper she did. I had told her that I couldnt be with her if she was going to act like she was acting (she acted liked she was single when I wasnt around). She said I cant "keep her in abox" It might be her mother wanting g-kids and she is doing the oppisite because of pressure from her mom. My x and I have been NC for the most part too. I send an email every once and a while asking if she can get her stuff from my house. I would get replies like maybe next week... maybe next week. Tuesday she calls and asks me to dinner (for my b-day) and mentioned this weekend will work to get her stuff. Then she called last night to offer to postpone dinner still Sunday night because she was running late. We ended up going late. I think my x wants the power and what she says goes, but at the same time she keeps dragging her feet to get anything done. I dont understand that. But she was her old self last night, a little flirty, smiling and trying to make eye contact.
Author immitable Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 But she was her old self last night, a little flirty, smiling and trying to make eye contact. that's a good sign if you want her back of course
rubberball Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I do, but I think she just wants me to be her friend.
Author immitable Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 I do, but I think she just wants me to be her friend. in that case you really have to make her miss youand realise what she has lost.
EgoJoe Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 None of this matters if you're not healed! If she's not being forthcoming with the stuff, forget about it for now, work on you, gain perspective and heal! Take it from someone who while extremely capable of understanding exactly what happened. I had to get over the intense emotional interference before answers started to present themselves to me.
Author immitable Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 None of this matters if you're not healed! If she's not being forthcoming with the stuff, forget about it for now, work on you, gain perspective and heal! Take it from someone who while extremely capable of understanding exactly what happened. I had to get over the intense emotional interference before answers started to present themselves to me. Thank you for the reply EgoJoe
Author immitable Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) Hi, would like to get some more views on my situation, thanks Edited October 7, 2011 by immitable
Author immitable Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 I posted this thread some time ago just wanted give you an update, I still haven't gotten any answer, funny. She was the one who requested that I pick up my stuff some time ago and I told her to send it to me. Thank she said I should pick it up myself. As I requested a date to pick up my stuff I got no answer. No answer weeks after I sent her and re-sent (about aweek ago) an e-mail. We communicated business only through e-mail. No calls, no fb, no friends no family, zilch . I saw her from a distance at the gym, before I could figure who it was, we were at approx 10 meters distance, I turned (unexpected for her) and I catch a glimpse tell that she tried to give me a smile, weird situation. I mentioned before that the odds of running into her are very minimal.
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