Hulk1 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I posted on here the other day about my ex giving me mixed signals, I tried to keep away from her (we live together) but we got drunk on Saturday and ended up sleeping together. She went out on Monday to her rebound fir sex and I stood by like a fool and watched her go thinking thst if I let it run it course that she would eventually come back to me!! Anyway last night I couldn't control myself and we ended up in a massive verbal fight about it, she has packed all her stuff and moved out we have an estate agent coming today to put the house up for sale. She nipped round this morning to get some more things and she told me she hates me and ahe never wants to see me or speak to me ever again?! I don't understand her anger and hatred when it's me who been stood by watching when she's been off having sex with some one else? (she hasn't cheated we split before she started the rebound thing). I'm absolutely gutted and I feel like I've lost everything, we spent 8 years together! Do you think she does hate me or that she's just angry and needs space to calm down? Advise would be appreciated.
smudge21 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Sounds to me like she wants her cake and to eat it too. By that I mean, she liked the security of you and wanted to still see her rebound as well. When you took that away from her during the argument she clearly got angry as this time she wasn't getting what she wanted. Her attitude seems very immature and definitely not of someone who has respect for another, in this case, you. I do believe she will calm down and there will be a chance to talk, but it's just whether you actually want that. If you can remember to stay off the sauce and not jump into bed with her, but instead talk like adults and maintain respect, then maybe you can sort things out, but it won't be easy. Just remember that when you slept with her even though she'd left you, you kinda' sent the message that you were okay with the way things were. Next time, say it with words rather than actions, if you get me. For now, just take a step back and decide on what you really want to do, and what you want from her considering everything that's happened. Break ups are never easy, no matter how long the relationship has lasted.
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Anger isn't the opposite of love, INDIFFERENCE is!!! The fact that she's angry shows she still has feelings for you. Whether or not this is enough is a different matter!
Zabs Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Anger isn't the opposite of love, INDIFFERENCE is!!! The fact that she's angry shows she still has feelings for you. Whether or not this is enough is a different matter! Exactamundo! Do know what? When you are outside looking in things are so much clearer ain't they...but when you're in the midst we tend to ignore common sense and things turn difficult. Children are particularly apt at picking those things up...and do you know why? Because their emotions aren't tangled up in the hoo-har of events and they see exactly what is in front of them and nothing more.
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Exactamundo! Do know what? When you are outside looking in things are so much clearer ain't they...but when you're in the midst we tend to ignore common sense and things turn difficult. Children are particularly apt at picking those things up...and do you know why? Because their emotions aren't tangled up in the hoo-har of events and they see exactly what is in front of them and nothing more. Spot on Zabs!!! One of the main reasons I offer advice on this site is because sometimes when I'm writing a reply I think "that's true in my situation too," but I hadn't even realised it until I'd written it down. Kind of makes me feel a bit better when this happens!
Zabs Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Spot on Zabs!!! One of the main reasons I offer advice on this site is because sometimes when I'm writing a reply I think "that's true in my situation too," but I hadn't even realised it until I'd written it down. Kind of makes me feel a bit better when this happens! Me too. It is so healing to share and compare experiences. I have found a new strength since coming on here Dovic Zabs xx
nature Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 She definately wanted her cake and to eat it too, and figured you'd just stand around like a putz and let her do what she wanted. When you stood up to her, she couldn't stand it, because it made her actually have to think about what she was doing to you, so she quickly twisted everything around and put the blame on you. It is called TRANSFERENCE. Look it up. She transferred her being to blame for your relationship failure, onto you so that she can try to blame you. That way she doesn't have to feel guilty. This girl was treating you like a putz loser doormat. I'm glad you stood up for yourself and stopped acting like one. Don't question her drama saying she hates you. Very childish, and again, transference. She wants you to feel bad so that she doesn't have to.
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 She definately wanted her cake and to eat it too, and figured you'd just stand around like a putz and let her do what she wanted. When you stood up to her, she couldn't stand it, because it made her actually have to think about what she was doing to you, so she quickly twisted everything around and put the blame on you. It is called TRANSFERENCE. Look it up. She transferred her being to blame for your relationship failure, onto you so that she can try to blame you. That way she doesn't have to feel guilty. This girl was treating you like a putz loser doormat. I'm glad you stood up for yourself and stopped acting like one. Don't question her drama saying she hates you. Very childish, and again, transference. She wants you to feel bad so that she doesn't have to. Very good post!
Mack05 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) You know what the say the line between love and hate is very thin. I think when a relationship ends you both say things that you regret in the heat of the moment. Sometimes it's so bitter you envisage never speaking to that person again and in many cases you don't. But when the years go by, you tend to look back at the good memories and the anger/bitterness wears off. Of course there are some relationships where it's impossible to ever look back fondly on, but I think for most of us we just forgive, wish our partners well and move on with our lives. This will take time for you. It's a tough struggle ahead..It can be done, we have all suffered and most of us pull through.. By the way nature's post is spot on... Edited October 6, 2011 by Mack05
Fleabitten Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 OP, I don't know how long you've been broken up but I have no respect for people who have rebound sex immediately after a relationship ends. And doing it in front of you... do you want to be with that kind of person? She might not be a bad person deep down but her behaviour now is very bad and it is who she is right now. Stay safe.
Glove_slap Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 she giving you mixed signals? Give her NO signals.
Author Hulk1 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Thanks for the advise all, I've took heed and she's getting nothing from me from now on. She has been texting me today regards the house to which I have answered and give nothing more and she has called round twice more to collect stuff to which I have not engaged her! Considering she wanted to never speak or see me again she has a funny way of showing it?? Answer to the question how long did she rebound after split it was 5 days! After being together for 8 years..
Fleabitten Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Thanks for the advise all, I've took heed and she's getting nothing from me from now on. She has been texting me today regards the house to which I have answered and give nothing more and she has called round twice more to collect stuff to which I have not engaged her! Considering she wanted to never speak or see me again she has a funny way of showing it?? Answer to the question how long did she rebound after split it was 5 days! After being together for 8 years.. God, I really feel for you. I am now on here because of a more recent break up, but just over two years ago I went through a similar scenario - break up after over 7 years, having to sell the house on my own (which took months of viewings, me having to leave for work every morning having made it look pretty, dealt with estate agents, solicitors etc) after he moved out etc. To be fair to him, it was a clean break with not all that many mixed messages because he is a decent person, but still, what you are going through is incredibly hard. You will get through it though. Take care of YOU. She is not the answer. (I know how ironic this sounds given my current situation, but I still have a brain - just not in matters directly related to myself). You're not on your own. Hugs.
Author Hulk1 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 God, I really feel for you. I am now on here because of a more recent break up, but just over two years ago I went through a similar scenario - break up after over 7 years, having to sell the house on my own (which took months of viewings, me having to leave for work every morning having made it look pretty, dealt with estate agents, solicitors etc) after he moved out etc. To be fair to him, it was a clean break with not all that many mixed messages because he is a decent person, but still, what you are going through is incredibly hard. You will get through it though. Take care of YOU. She is not the answer. (I know how ironic this sounds given my current situation, but I still have a brain - just not in matters directly related to myself). You're not on your own. Hugs. Thanks it is really hard but now she's gone it will make things easier, we've only been split up for 5 weeks and and only 5 days after we split she jumped into a rebound., It would of Been easier if we had had a clean break but we stayed living together and she was still getting in my bed etc so I've not been able to move on. But after reading all the advise etc I've got to stop letting her come to me when she needs support or hugs etc. Like you say I need take care of me This is why I came on here as others share there pain, experience and knowledge makes you feel less alone. X
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