Kortalian Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 My Title sounds terrible. I have been involved with my current girlfriend for slightly over a year. I'm 29 and she is 23. She is a quite beautiful model like Irish woman. When the mirror was removed things changed. I found out she is an alcoholic and is pretty selfish. She starts fights with me and sometimes just gets mad and hits me while she is drunk. She hates my family and friends even though they have done nothing to her. She fights with me if I hang around them. She drinks 12 to 15 beers everyday with maybe a day of not drinking once a month. She has hid it quite well in time. I've gotten pretty sick of being a nice guy trying to fix someone unfixable. I more or less met someone pretty amazing and insanely beautiful on a guys night out last Thursday. Someone that knows all my friends and is closer to my age with their life in order. Weird I never met her over the years with all the mutual friends. Anywho, we clicked instantly and things got pretty intense. I finally felt a boost to make it easier for me to leave someone who is terrible to me and has done things with other guys behind my back. Well Friday comes along. And I want to be set free. I call the girlfriend and of course she is crabby. I wanted to meet up but she feels sick. Then she says I think I'm pregnant. I'm like how is that. You haven't slept with me in almost a month. Well she had one day of spotting and period was way over due followed by cramping. So I spend 60 bucks in preggo testers. Sure enough she is prenant. I take her to the hospital on Saturday. She was a month into pregnancy. So I decided to put what happened to me on Thursday aside. And focus on this. Hiding text messages was the hardest. I am so new to this and never had to hide anything with anyone. Sunday she decided she didn't want to keep it. And started her drinking routine and newport smoking routine before she told me this. I met up with her at her house. Her parents were told even though she said she could never tell them. They were all drunk. I just got off work then school and was thrown to the alcoholic wolves. Her mom flipped out and then her dad swung at me. So alcohol has won another selfish battle. I walked out and want to say f it. She told me she will keep it if I walk away. So I came back and googled clinics the abortion clinic appointment is Saturday. She has been drinking everyday since Sunday and been talking to me like complete arse everyday acting like a victim in the middle. Saying I haven't been there for her. I've been supportive and also been doing research on clinics and pawning things to come up with the money. I work full time and go to school full time. My full time job just covers all my bills cause I'm low paid and live on my own. I'm trying to wait this out till Saturday. I pawned almost everything I loved but I can't be with someone like that. Someone like her that drinks and smokes while pregnant is totally selfish. The other girl doesn't know. I feel it will kill her inside. She likes me a lot and my friends say she is like me and a good girl in general. I'm scared to get caught up while with the current. There is no affection with her for the last 2 months. I do have a big heart and it's bothering me to leave someone after they have an abortion which I'm against btw. Especially, someone that has been like a best friend for the most part for a year. I honestly don't even know how to break it down without killing her inside. I would choose her if it wasn't for drinking. But I've come in second to it everytime. Sucks people are so amazing aside from their addictions but can't see it. Any advice because I feel like the bad guy and feel karma will bite me in the arse for this.
Kismetly Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Oh you poor, gorgeous young man. I'm going to skip the lecture on taking responsibility for contraception. There's a lesson there for you though my young friend. Look, you guys aren't married, you don't even appear to live together, you've obviously made no signficant commitment to each other. You are doing the right thing and helping her deal with a difficult time. She's made the decision to terminate the pregnancy, which seems a sensible decision given the circumstances. Continue to be a gentleman about the whole thing and support her through the procedure. YOu're still in the try-before-you-buy stage of your life. Get real with yourself about that and stop gambling with unneccessarily tying yourself up to another person for the rest of your life without thinking through if that is really the best match for you. And for goodness sake, be mature enough to have the conversation with your partner about contraception and take responsibility for it if you need to. (OK, I couldn't skip it entirely!! )
StoneCold Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 12-15 beers a day? You said she hides it pretty well right?... how do you hide "sh*t-faced"? Becasue thats what 12-15 beers tends to do to most guys let alone girls
Dust Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 All you owe yourself is honesty. You can live a lie and see how that feels or just leave this girl. Personaly if I got a girl I was dating pregnant I wouldn't feel the need to marry her or continue dating her if I no longer liked her. I would feel the need to respect her.
bigmomma1974 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I will give you my outlook as a woman. She is pregnant, she drinks non stop, if she doesnt abort the child this baby will most likely suffer with fetal alchol syndroome. I am against abortions but for her this is prbably the best thing. I dont judge a person for what they do, but shes harming herself, the unboorn babay and you. Leave her, she wont change until she gets help for her drinking. Move on live your life and be happy. If she keeps this baby, you can still play an imporrtant role in this childs life without being with the mother, However be prepared for her to give you a hard time, cause with what you say, that is who she is.
HokeyReligions Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Be honest with your new partner. If she cares for you, she will be supportive and you will need that. If she's not supportive or 'dumps' you - then better find out now and not get embroiled in another messy relationship. Is there a family planning clinic you could talk to about the pregnant girlfriend? Yeah, I know "its her body & her choice" but YOU are the father and bear some responsibility in this. If she has the baby YOU will be responsible, at least financially, and that gives you some input on how she cares for herself while pregnant. In some states there are legal resources for unwed fathers. Look into it. If you want nothing to do with her and do not care if the baby is born with fetal alcohol syndrom, you can terminate all parental rights now and try to move forward with your life. Bottom line: Be honest with yourself. Be honest with the new woman in your life. Be honest with the 'ex'. Be doing something - even if its finding a support group for yourself, or finding a group or law that can intervene on your behalf. Tough lessons to learn. Especially when there is now a baby in the picture. Good luck.
Author Kortalian Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 (edited) I figured since everyone had the time to give me great opinions and advice. I'd give out an update. The abortion was scheduled Saturday. We had an appointment and I also fought off some protestors and was by her side the whole time. Afterwards, we kind of hung around the apartment kinda silent. She spent the night and on Sunday she wanted me to buy her dinner, but I was flat broke from dropping all of that money Saturday. So i took her home and helped my sister move some stuff for gas money. She calls me that afternoon and I told her I that I was carrying a dresser and needed to call her back. She was drunk and coldly said F-You we are over and hung up. I was a little upset and felt it was going to happen anyways. I called the other girl that I've been avoiding during all of this and came over to her place. Monday, I called the ex and asked for my keys back at Lunch time at work. She was already drunk and said fine but we are entirely done. I said okay. Then she went off on this post abortion rant of how it's all my fault. She acted like I wasn't there for her and I handled it wrong. I told her I was there for the most part aside from work and school. I man'd up and didn't point the finger back which I wanted to. I so wanted to tell her with alcohol you wont ever be there for anyone or anything. Just your f-ing self. But there is no point. Anywho, this new girl is being pretty cool. I was even honest with her and she was surprisingly understanding. Seems like she is about me improving myself and since I got the flu on Monday, she has been nursing me to a better recovery. Crazy how the world works after one broken condom. Edited October 11, 2011 by Kortalian
Madman81 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Consider that a bullet successfully dodged. Problem solved, there's nothing permanently linking the two of you. One of the good things about no longer being with somebody is that you no longer have to put up with their shyt. If she phones you to get a fight going, you are totally within your rights to hang up. Don't forget that -- it's powerful. Move on and enjoy your new life.
Emme Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Keep on running and never look back! *Crosses fingers and hope she truly did get an abortion, women are tricky*
Author Kortalian Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 (edited) And btw thank you everyone that replied for help and support. I am truly happier without dealing with the ex's BS. I actually did have to change my number due to drunken phone calls. And now I can move on with my life without pulling my hair out and having my butt chewed off for no reason. Edited October 12, 2011 by Kortalian
carhill Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 When is her follow-up appointment scheduled for? Finish what's on your plate first before moving on to dessert.
Author Kortalian Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Well she broke up with me and I'm not going to bother calling her. I tried to be a gentleman. She can deal with her own abortion follow up at this point.
carhill Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 In that case, I hope the abortion was successful or else you might get a surprise in the mail or by process server in about nine months. Attending the follow-up would confirm that the abortion did take place. Other than that variable, I guess things worked out
Eclypse Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Looks like all's well that ends well. I'll admit I thought you were a dirty scumbag when I read the title but I truly felt for you. What bad luck with that psycho! Good luck with the new girl
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