rosie72 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Its been 6 weeks since my breakup. I felt like i was beginning to get there, started to feel stronger, had days where i didn't even cry. Started to feel a sense of myself as an independent and attractive person. I startde on anti-depressants and they were helping. But then... just last week it all seemed to turn around, and i started missing him horribly again. It feels like i'm back to square one, i'm again looking for any little clue he might still want me, and hoping he'll come back, even planning a 'get him back' strategy. I thought i had begun to let go but i haven't. I thought my love for him was fading but its still so strong. Has anyone else been through these sorts of 'relapses' in healing? I feel like i'm stuck, and i'm scared i'll never be able to let him go. He cheated on me, but even my anger at that has faded, i cant seem to muster up the same fury that was helping me be strong. I have been NC as far as possible (we have a child). I saw him the other day when he came to pick something up, I tried to be neutral and not offhand with him, and he seemed to want to chat. I asked him how he was. He said he was chain smoking and had lost loads of weight, and was tired. I felt pleased! Like, that must mean he misses me. This is so stupid, i'm 39 years old and it was a ten year relationship, i'm not a teenager but i feel like i'm acting like one. Why can i still not accept he chose to leave me because he DOESN'T want me? Why do i still hope and dream?
smudge21 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 You do this because you're human and you have a good heart - sadly that means it's often easy to break. It's only been 6 weeks - I'm over 6 months and still feel like you do, without any of the contact you're having. You are doing fine but it will take time to heal, just like any wound.
Author rosie72 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Oh dear.. you still feel like this at six months. Poor you. I guess i am being hasty and need to be patient with myself. I'm an idiot, i just broke NC. We were emailing about an issue with our son we had to sort out, and i told him how i'm feeling (angry, hurt but feeling the same about him, but stronger moving on slowly) and wondered (*asked*) how is doing, if he ever misses me etc. What a fool. The only answer i would be happy with is if he says - 'i'm doing awful i miss you, love you ,w ant to come home' ...and THAT is highly unlikely. So this is going to upset me all over i suppose. I'm not one for playing games though, i was just being honest and it felt like it had to come out. I'm constantly second guessing whats he's feeling and i just want to know what he says... Send me to the naughty step..
antz2411 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 you know, when i didnt speak to my ex for one month after our break up, i did some volunteer work and it made me look at things at a different perspective.. that my problems are really small compared to a lot of people, i mean i feel blessed to even just have the life that i have.. i thought when my ex left i had nothing but in fact i have everything in life that i needed right under my nose... im young, healthy, and a roof over my head. a lot of people are not as fortunate. our break up problems are really just petty things compared to most.
smudge21 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Stop beating yourself up - you acted out of anger or desire, or any other human emotion to something that is very upsetting to you. Not one person here will blame you for that. In fact, the only one having a go at you, is you. You'll never truly be NC due to the child, so accept that in the first instance. It will mean healing does take longer, but it will happen. I'm afraid I broke NC recently, so I'm already on the naughty step.
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