Update on me – prepared for a bashing...

[Fleabitten]

Flea I don't want to kick you when you are down, but you received great advise on this forum. I myself spent a good bit of time putting together thoughtful replies, that I felt might help you. I even bumped your thread recently wondering if you are ok. Did you listen to a word of the advice given? No you want back to the guy! It's hard to continue to give advice and try help when the person seems intent on not listening to it.

 

I really hope this is the end, but after you going back to him the last time I have my doubts. I hope you show real inner strength and prove me wrong..

 

Of course I listened, I COMPLETELY agree with all the advice everyone gave me, as I agree with my friends and family who tell me to leave him. I bought every single book you recommended.

 

When I went back, I was weak. I knew it was wrong. I convinced myself that maybe he really would change. He is a bully, he says the most horrible things to me and convinces me IT IS ALL MY FAULT. It is NOT easy to "just leave". It is very very hard. I don't want to be in a relationship with him, I never want to see him again. But it is not an easy, straightforward thing to do. I know I have to, I really do...

[betterdeal]

The point is that you make choices and are an active participant in this. Why you make those choices is interesting, and I suggest this is something you ought to spend some time considering. It will help you to make clearer choices in the future.

 

Why you think I judged you or called you names is also interesting. Did I get anything significantly wrong in my interpretation of the situation? Are you not an active participant in this?

 

In my opinion, accusing me of being judgemental and name calling is part of the same thinking pattern that leads to you making the choices you do with this man. That's entirely understandable as that's where you are just now, in a world where accusations and value judgements dominate. The trouble with that is not much changes. People lash out at each other verbally and say things that hurt but nothing gets fixed.

 

Take a step back. Don't judge yourself. Consider why you choose to do what you have done, and decide what you want in the future. We can't do that for you. I wish you the very best, but you have to do the work.

 

Is it all your fault? No, of course not. This is a man who uses sex as a weapon. By boasting of having sex with other women, he's using that to attack you. Trust me, my ex was similar and her ex similar. There are people in this world who will do that. Either you entertain them or you don't. It's your choice.

 

And even if it was all your fault, you feel crap and relationships are supposed to offer a bit more than that, right? If you are such a bad person as he makes you out to be, he'll be better off without you (sarcasm), right?

 

IMO, it's a complete mess and your best option is to withdraw from the situation completely.

[Fleabitten]

The point is that you make choices and are an active participant in this. Why you make those choices is interesting, and I suggest this is something you ought to spend some time considering. It will help you to make clearer choices in the future.

 

Why you think I judged you or called you names is also interesting. Did I get anything significantly wrong in my interpretation of the situation? Are you not an active participant in this?

 

In my opinion, accusing me of being judgemental and name calling is part of the same thinking pattern that leads to you making the choices you do with this man. That's entirely understandable as that's where you are just now, in a world where accusations and value judgements dominate. The trouble with that is not much changes. People lash out at each other verbally and say things that hurt but nothing gets fixed.

 

Take a step back. Don't judge yourself. Consider why you choose to do what you have done, and decide what you want in the future. We can't do that for you. I wish you the very best, but you have to do the work.

 

Is it all your fault? No, of course not. This is a man who uses sex as a weapon. By boasting of having sex with other women, he's using that to attack you. Trust me, my ex was similar and her ex similar. There are people in this world who will do that. Either you entertain them or you don't. It's your choice.

 

And even if it was all your fault, you feel crap and relationships are supposed to offer a bit more than that, right? If you are such a bad person as he makes you out to be, he'll be better off without you (sarcasm), right?

 

IMO, it's a complete mess and your best option is to withdraw from the situation completely.

 

Yes. It is a complete mess. I don't want him to EVER contact me again.

[Chi townD]

Well, opposites do attract. But, I wouldn't bash on him because he's not educated. I know a couple that are complete polar opposites! She's a doctor, and he works for the water department. She's highly educated and he just has a high school diploma. She dresses conservatively and professional and he...well... he works for the water department...jeans and t-shirt. And do you know what? They are completely nuts about each other. They been married for about ten years and still going strong. So, it all comes down to love and RESPECT!

 

This guy doesn't respect you...at all! Those texts were absolutely horrible and it shows his true colors. And it sounds like you don't respect him. Sorry, but there's always two sides of the story. So, this sounds like a VERY toxic relationship and it's time to move on.

 

Now, I'm not defending him in anyway. What he said and did where completely off the charts and it's not worth exploring any further. Time to move on and find a guy that will respect you and treat you right...and vice versa....