Glove_slap Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Come back? especially if they left for GIGS soon after a long term relationship. (My ex left me after 3 years- we had internal issues but nothing we couldn't fix, we broke up after high school ended and she started dating an older guy(21-22) with a lot of money) He bought her everything and took her everywhere (has a car). They were about 7-8 months into their relationship when he got arrested for drug trafficking (along with my ex's best girlfriend that hooked them up) and she was dumbfounded and had no idea but she stayed with him. It's about a year and four months since we broke up and they've been together for about 14-15 months (got together a few weeks after we broke up). My question is why don't females come back? Is it because of the wide variety of options they have? (She's beautiful) Is it because they know they'll always be able to find a potential partner? (well when they're young that is)? Or is it just because most females are just programmed to learn from past mistakes and develop a deep understanding of what they seek in future partners? I won't take her back even if she did come back, she's too used to the lavish life style and it just wouldn't be the same after how she betrayed me but I just need some answers. I never got closure and even now that I'm over her I'm still seeking answers. Why don't women come back?
Buttercup84 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I would only come back if I made a huge mistake. But I would never leave anyone in the first place if I really loved them .
silly_panda Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 In my humble opinion, first of all we need to look at the reason why they left... Most of the time will be they lost attraction and they do not wanna be with you anymore... You are not able to provide them something that they wan (attention, security, comfort, etc)... They will then look for the thing(s) that are not able to get from you by going for another guy that could provide that to them... Even if their new relationship doesn't work out, they don't come back because at the back of their mind, you won't be able to provide them the thing(s) that they wan... They are so many other guys for them out there too... This also depends on the maturity of the girl... If they are young and just wanted to try new things, then they might come back... But still it's very rare... This is what I think...
Sugarkane Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I could easily ask exactly the same question about guys
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I personally think it's down to attraction (emotional NOT physical). Obviously you're ex thinks you're a good looking dude as she was with you, BUT for some reason a lot of women (sorry if I'm generalising ladies) in my experience are attracted to how a man makes them feel. This is why in my opinion so many of them are attracted to bad boys, because they bring out their emotions (either in a good way or a bad way). My point is it's rarely boring! Don't believe me? Then look at the posts on this site and see how many guys are complaining because their ex has left them and gotten back with one of their ex's whom they described as abusive!!! I believe it's because a lot of women like drama in their lives as this is far more interesting than the boredom they often face with "nice guys" and that's why they don't come back!!!
mike588 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) I personally think it's down to attraction (emotional NOT physical). Obviously you're ex thinks you're a good looking dude as she was with you, BUT for some reason a lot of women (sorry if I'm generalising ladies) in my experience are attracted to how a man makes them feel. This is why in my opinion so many of them are attracted to bad boys, because they bring out their emotions (either in a good way or a bad way). My point is it's rarely boring! Don't believe me? Then look at the posts on this site and see how many guys are complaining because their ex has left them and gotten back with one of their ex's whom they described as abusive!!! I believe it's because a lot of women like drama in their lives as this is far more interesting than the boredom they often face with "nice guys" and that's why they don't come back!!! Great answer. Mine went back to her ex. after our honeymoon period ended(we were together 10 months) and I noticed things got kinda boring towards the end even thought we talked about it alot. I made her feel special and appreciated but guess that wasn't what she was looking for? Edited October 6, 2011 by mike588
redblack66 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I personally think it's down to attraction (emotional NOT physical). Obviously you're ex thinks you're a good looking dude as she was with you, BUT for some reason a lot of women (sorry if I'm generalising ladies) in my experience are attracted to how a man makes them feel. This is why in my opinion so many of them are attracted to bad boys, because they bring out their emotions (either in a good way or a bad way). My point is it's rarely boring! A mature, emotionally sound woman, should not be attracted to a man treating her badly. However, there are not that many.
ffw Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 In my humble opinion, first of all we need to look at the reason why they left... Most of the time will be they lost attraction and they do not wanna be with you anymore... You are not able to provide them something that they wan (attention, security, comfort, etc)... They will then look for the thing(s) that are not able to get from you by going for another guy that could provide that to them... Even if their new relationship doesn't work out, they don't come back because at the back of their mind, you won't be able to provide them the thing(s) that they wan... They are so many other guys for them out there too... This also depends on the maturity of the girl... If they are young and just wanted to try new things, then they might come back... But still it's very rare... This is what I think... Good post. Women are complicated because they follow their emotions rather than logic. They prefer 1 rose at 10 times than 10 flowers at one time. I think sometimes they might back if they had intimate bond with you in your relationship & could not find that in their current relationships. They might come back to try one more time. Its very hard to draw rules when it comes to women.
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Great answer. Mine went back to her ex. after our honeymoon period ended(we were together 10 months) and I noticed things got kinda boring towards the end even thought we talked about it alot. I made her feel special and appreciated but guess that wasn't what she was looking for? Me too dude. Isn't it strange how different men and women really are!? All I want is someone to treat me well and to love me, but when I reciprocate in this way it's never enough! Although since the breakup when I act like John Wayne i.e. say it like it is and take no **** from her (whilst not being her counsellor) she can't get enough. Strange times dudes!!! To Redblack: I take your point, you're right, emotionally mature women don't tend to play these games, but disasters like my ex love them!!!
oldguy Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 She left because she wasn't happy AND, maybe she feels like no relationship at this time is better than one she left. Maybe it's because she was happy with him. Remember, they didn't technically break up.
mike588 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Me too dude. Isn't it strange how different men and women really are!? All I want is someone to treat me well and to love me, but when I reciprocate in this way it's never enough! Although since the breakup when I act like John Wayne i.e. say it like it is and take no **** from her (whilst not being her counsellor) she can't get enough. Strange times dudes!!! To Redblack: I take your point, you're right, emotionally mature women don't tend to play these games, but disasters like my ex love them!!! TheDovic: Funny, I never had to act like John Wayne, never took or had to take any crap from her. I did set boundries,, I won't take this or I won't take that and she never crossed those. Again my case is closed,, she was still in love with her ex.
M2155 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Agreed women crave emotional bonds and are drawn to that. Smart women use a little bit of logic. But I can honestly say I've never remotely considered going back to a guy once I'm over him since I've been a real adult (there was the one time in college but I didn't know any better (it was never the same)). There is that period where you are vulnerable, and that period was/is definitely longer for my recent ex- due to the emotional draw-but I'm slowly making my way to that point where I just do NOT see him the same anymore and once that happens... I've always figured with guys it was as they say, a lot of men deal with breakups by escaping their feelings so those feelings come back to haunt them later so the go for what's easy and comfortable while women wallow in our sorrow until we are healed and then look at you like a distant memory. Exceptions to every rule of course! That's just my generalization.
radiodarcy Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) I personally think it's down to attraction (emotional NOT physical). Obviously you're ex thinks you're a good looking dude as she was with you, BUT for some reason a lot of women (sorry if I'm generalising ladies) in my experience are attracted to how a man makes them feel. This is why in my opinion so many of them are attracted to bad boys, because they bring out their emotions (either in a good way or a bad way). My point is it's rarely boring! Don't believe me? Then look at the posts on this site and see how many guys are complaining because their ex has left them and gotten back with one of their ex's whom they described as abusive!!! I believe it's because a lot of women like drama in their lives as this is far more interesting than the boredom they often face with "nice guys" and that's why they don't come back!!! my ex was a guy and i'm almost sure he left me because i bored him as well. he used to complain about how much he hated drama and preferred to talk things out. but whenever i did that, he either shut down or got defensive. i think some people are addicted to drama and damaged people -- it makes them feel useful and needed. in my ex's case it most definitely had to do with his background --as he was raised by a physically/emotionally abusive mother. drama and bad behavior may not have been pleasant but it seems that's what he became familiar with over time. and so - - when there is no drama to be had - - he gets antsy and starts looking for some; finds it. then complains about how much he hates said drama it was a vicious cycle and i am relieved to be done with it -- even if he was the one who dumped me. i now see he did me a favor. Edited October 6, 2011 by radiodarcy
M2155 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 my ex was a guy and i'm almost sure he left me because i bored him as well. he used to complain about how much he hated drama and preferred to talk things out. but whenever i did that, he either shut down or got defensive. i think some people are addicted to drama and damaged people -- it makes them feel useful and needed. My ex would always say the exact same thing about hating drama!!! I was the complete opposite and I would agree it got a little boring. I think a fight or two would have been nice . So whenever he had it lined up, he ran right back to "over-dramatic". A guy once told me that "drama" does stroke the ego a bit because "she is so crazy about me" even though no man would ever admit to liking that. He agreed they're usually damaged by a previous ex who used that method to get a rise out of them. Similarly for women in a way like TheDovic said.
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 my ex was a guy and i'm almost sure he left me because i bored him as well. he used to complain about how much he hated drama and preferred to talk things out. but whenever i did that, he either shut down or got defensive. i think some people are addicted to drama and damaged people -- it makes them feel useful and needed. in my ex's case it most definitely had to do with his background --as he was raised by a physically/emotionally abusive mother. drama and bad behavior may not have been pleasant but it seems that's what he became familiar with over time. and so - - when there is no drama to be had - - he gets antsy and starts looking for some; finds it. then complains about how much he hates said drama it was a vicious cycle and i am relieved to be done with it -- even if he was the one who dumped me. i now see he did me a favor. You're right and it more than likely is more about damaged people than gender. I'm glad you've found some relief. Maybe I will too some day
radiodarcy Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 A guy once told me that "drama" does stroke the ego a bit because "she is so crazy about me" even though no man would ever admit to liking that. He agreed they're usually damaged by a previous ex who used that method to get a rise out of them. Similarly for women in a way like TheDovic said. i can definitely see this. as the ex's ex-wife was apparently very manipulative and engineered all kind of drama to get a rise out of him. she must have been very creative because he knew all the tricks. so even when i did cave in and try to give him the drama he wanted (so he would know how crazy i was abt him) it backfired and fizzled out. but yeah - - i think people like my ex enjoy the drama until it becomes inconvenient or uncomfortable. then they start looking for a way out.
Author Glove_slap Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 good answers and questions but I think we've gone off track a bit lol
radiodarcy Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 You're right and it more than likely is more about damaged people than gender. I'm glad you've found some relief. Maybe I will too some day you will i think people seek out chaos for different reasons but it's like a child getting attention, once you ignore them they get bored and go away. and while i admittedly was terrified at the prospect during the 2.5 years i put up with that nonsense. once i had time to reflect on the nature of the relationship i realized how toxic it was not to mention i really started to notice the physical changes - -i no longer had that tight feeling in my chest;i didn't have anymore headaches from clenching my jaw as a result of all the tension and i was definitely less snippy with those around me. it did take time to get there. there was a lot of anger - - white hot boiling at that. but after about 6 months i started to feel much better and have even ventured into online dating/meeting new people. no luck so far. but it's ok -- i'm just testing the waters for now
radiodarcy Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 good answers and questions but I think we've gone off track a bit lol oops. sorry abt that. but to answer your question - - i really think it's a combination of all of the above. and much of it depends on the woman. i will say that i think that the women who do leave for the shallow reasons - - being beautiful and able to have anyone/thing they want and being able to select from a vast pool of potential partners are probably no happier with themselves than they will be with anyone else. either way asking why isn't going to change anything. i used to do that all the time. and i either never got an answer or i did but it wasn't the answer i wanted. people leave for a myriad of reasons - - many of which we can't control. it's best to just accept they are gone - - deal with it on your end and do your best to move on from there.
Author Glove_slap Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 oops. sorry abt that. but to answer your question - - i really think it's a combination of all of the above. and much of it depends on the woman. i will say that i think that the women who do leave for the shallow reasons - - being beautiful and able to have anyone/thing they want and being able to select from a vast pool of potential partners are probably no happier with themselves than they will be with anyone else. either way asking why isn't going to change anything. i used to do that all the time. and i either never got an answer or i did but it wasn't the answer i wanted. people leave for a myriad of reasons - - many of which we can't control. it's best to just accept they are gone - - deal with it on your end and do your best to move on from there. very well put, thank you.
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