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Prospective gf confessed she was in a MMF threesome... I am grossed out.

insaneinthebrain

By insaneinthebrain
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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betterdeal Established Member

betterdeal

Posted
Posted

What is it that bothers you? Performance anxiety?

Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

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No way, do you know how hard it is to get two straight guys to agree to a MMF? :D God knows I've tried! :p

 

I agree. I have NEVER heard of a straight guy that would have a threesome with another male. Ever!

shayla Established Member

shayla

Posted
Posted

Usually by that age, people have had a life before meeeting you. God knows I did everything I wanted to do. I didn't want to be one of those people who look back at their life when they are 50 and had not done anything before a long marriage, then get the itch and leave. By the time I got married, I had done it all and there were no what ifs!

 

However, not everyone can handle this, and you seem to be one of those people. You haven't gotten far enough in the relationship to have to accept this. Cut your losses and leave, next time, don't ask questions that you don't really want answers to.

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insaneinthebrain Established Member

insaneinthebrain

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Usually by that age, people have had a life before meeeting you. God knows I did everything I wanted to do. I didn't want to be one of those people who look back at their life when they are 50 and had not done anything before a long marriage, then get the itch and leave. By the time I got married, I had done it all and there were no what ifs!

 

However, not everyone can handle this, and you seem to be one of those people. You haven't gotten far enough in the relationship to have to accept this. Cut your losses and leave, next time, don't ask questions that you don't really want answers to.

 

its not that i cant handle the answear... Its jsut that it kind of changes who i thought she was........ LIKE I SAID... I WAS NOT EXPECTING A YES!!! lol.lol... AT ALL!!

 

I am actually here because i kind of want to learn to deal with it... ..

Mack05 Established Member

Mack05

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Posted
I personally don't feel you will ever get over this. I would walk away if I was in your shoes. Unless you are 110% certain you can deal with this revelation and leave it in the past, then I would walk away as you are not being fair on the girl.

 

Don't you get it? There is no learning to deal with it. Some guys have absolutely no problem with their girl having a past, some guys would be horrified at the thought of their girl being in such a threesome. If you are not cool with it now, you are never going to be cool with it. You are always going to want to know, what exactly happened and you will always be curious what else she got up to in her youth. Then somewhere down the line you bring it up and you guys have a big fight and the damage caused will be unrepairable.

 

Honestly I would leave if I am you. This will eat you up until it eventually it turns nasty. Somedays you think you will be able to handle it, somedays you will feel you can't. Save yourself the strife. You have not invested much in the relationship. It's time to leave so that you can both find people who you are more compatible with and whose views on life are the same.

betterdeal Established Member

betterdeal

Posted
Posted
its not that i cant handle the answear... Its jsut that it kind of changes who i thought she was........ LIKE I SAID... I WAS NOT EXPECTING A YES!!! lol.lol... AT ALL!!

 

I am actually here because i kind of want to learn to deal with it... ..

 

If you can find out what it is about it that bothers you, let us know and let's see if we can find a way to deal with that.

wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

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If you enter into this relationship, it is automatically going to be doomed to fail for a bunch of reasons.

 

#1 There is something about her that interferes with your personal boundaries.

#2 You are already trying to accept her even though this bothers you. This is a huge indicator of codependence. You already have her on the pedestal but now you are willing to overlook something that bothers you just because you think she is a good girl and you will work out. You can't change people, their past, their present or their future, yet you are willing to settle for someone that has done something in their past that you are not OK with.

 

I have this saying on the forum, and it relates to pretty much GIGS posts, stop trying to be captain fix a hoe. Fix yourself and if something bothers you with a person that you are NOT even in a relationship with, walk away. God damn, save yourself some hurt and be a man. You are in your 30s. You know what you Don't WANT. Then dont do it.

 

DONT CHANGE YOURSELF FOR SOMEBODY ELSE - THIS IS CO DEPENDENCE

RIO5 Member

RIO5

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Posted

First, your past and her past should not be brought up! Leave that alone! If you go walking into the hallowing deep, you will NOT like it. We all make mistakes in life but to hold those mistakes against someone is not fair. If you really like her, here's the deal: man up and get over it!!!!! But if it really bothers you, then again: walk away.

 

Growing up, I learned its really silly to hold someone's past mistake against them. If she likes you, if she really wants to be with you...then what's the problem? You wouldnt be dealing with this silly issue if you and her just kept your past to yourselves. From now on, stay away from 'heavy topics' and the past. As long as she has a high interest level in you...you are good to go!

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
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its kind of like pandoras box..!!

 

 

 

Pandora???

 

 

I'm thinking you're a bit off...

Dark Phoenix Established Member

Dark Phoenix

Posted
Posted
If you enter into this relationship, it is automatically going to be doomed to fail for a bunch of reasons.

 

#1 There is something about her that interferes with your personal boundaries.

#2 You are already trying to accept her even though this bothers you. This is a huge indicator of codependence. You already have her on the pedestal but now you are willing to overlook something that bothers you just because you think she is a good girl and you will work out. You can't change people, their past, their present or their future, yet you are willing to settle for someone that has done something in their past that you are not OK with.

 

I have this saying on the forum, and it relates to pretty much GIGS posts, stop trying to be captain fix a hoe. Fix yourself and if something bothers you with a person that you are NOT even in a relationship with, walk away. God damn, save yourself some hurt and be a man. You are in your 30s. You know what you Don't WANT. Then dont do it.

 

DONT CHANGE YOURSELF FOR SOMEBODY ELSE - THIS IS CO DEPENDENCE

 

 

Normally I would agree with the people that are telling you to over look this matter, but after dating my ex and having her leave me for no reason what-so-ever I have to agree with wilsonx and you need to really look deep within yourself and find your boundaries. I overlooked a lot of stuff my ex had done in her past and it ate away at me through the entire relationship (whether it was consciously or subconsciously, it definitely made a difference in the way I dealt with every situation that arose). I recommend looking into David Deangelo's material, some of which you can find online for free and the rest you can find illegally if you aren't willing to pay for his advice (what you do with my information is strictly binded to your actions and not mine, this advice is only for informational purposes only) I know after only looking into the "intro" part of David Deangelo's programs has really changed my prospective on dating and meeting women... I learned what my personal boundaries are and where to draw the line.

 

I'll even tell you are little story that I haven't told anyone to date. After I started talking to my ex over myspace, and after her ex dumped her, she made out with a 23 year old at the summer camp she worked at. I played devils advocate and volunteered to tell her ex about her actions (****ing stupid of me, I know this now and even a little bit then), she was 16 at the time. She claimed to have had very strong feelings for me at the time and to cover this up she said she didn't think she had a chance with me at the time of her actions. I overlooked this matter even though I had immensely strong feelings for her and this small incident lead to a lot of conflict during our 3.5 years together.

 

Within 24 hours of our "break" (which lead to the breakup) she had friended him on facebook and this devastated me. Her reason for friending him was because he had messaged her saying he was sorry and that it was a mistake for coming on to her while at the summer camp. Regardless I knew that she had always wanted him on good terms and even though she had filled my head with bull****, it was what she wanted all along.

 

Find your boundaries and stick to them... From my experience I've learned that it is the only way to have an overall successful relationship, and one that you won't regret. From what you have written about your situation I see you falling in my foot steps and the relationship will fail over time. This breakup has been detrimental to me and I have many regrets over my choices during that 3.5 year time span. After experiencing the pain from this breakup I will never overlook something that crosses my boundaries and neither should my prospective mate.

 

 

 

If you can come to terms with this knowledge I hope you can get there 100%. If not, you are in my prayers so you do not receive the same pain that I went through and am still going through in present time.

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