Ex fiance just called me after 2 yrs no contact but didn't leave a msg?

[nature]

My phone was just ringing. I went to answer it and recognized the number. A number I have not seen in 2 years. My ex fiance. We broke up 3 years ago, and kept somewhat in touch the first year of the break up with silly games and stupid bs where we were both acting out of hurt. We originally broke up because we had been together 4 yrs, engaged for 2 yrs, and he started acting out, partying non-stop and blowing me off ie. cold feet. He couldn't do it...get married. He wanted to keep things the way they were forever.

 

We ended all contact in September of 2009. He's had a girlfriend since soon after that time. I have seen them around together from a distance, and even saw them riding their bikes together 2 weeks ago from a distance. We live in a somewhat smallish town (160,000 people) in the sameish area of town.

 

I don't know why he called me? It made me feel nervous and sick. i don't hate him or anything. In fact, part of me still loves him to bits. It kind of stings when i have seen him around with his girlfriend, but I've dealt with it quietly to myself.

 

Why could he possibly call? ugh. I know he didn't dial me by accident cuz hasn't happened in 2 yrs. doubt he still has me in his phone.

 

Why do I feel so stressed out and nervous about him calling?

 

(PS posted this in coping but nobody responding, so don't know where to post this? Sorry if double posted.)

[Spices]

Why didn't you answer? I would have been curious.

 

He probably wanted to catch up and see what you were up to. There's only one way to find out why he called. Call him back & see what's up.

[norajane]

In fact, part of me still loves him to bits.

 

I'm going to guess that's probably why you are feeling stressed out and nervous. He's not out of your system, and thoughts of having a conversation with him elevate your adrenaline.

 

You didn't answer because you're not ready to talk to him?

 

If you did talk to him, what would you want him to say?

[nature]

i was too shocked and nervous to answer. My stomach jumped into my throat. I can't be just friends with him, as my feelings were too strong. He ripped my heart to bits at the end of our relationship and was really mean after it ended. Plus he's been dating a girl the last year or two. I'm not up for hearing about it. I just don't understand why he called. i just saw him a week or two ago with his girlfriend. He's not one to play behind someone's back. I thought I'd never hear from him again. He told me clearly to never expect to hear from him again when I told him i couldn't be just his friend two years ago. it makes me so nervous. Opens all kinds of emotions in me.

[EgoJoe]

A call out of nowhere in two years. You don't answer and he doesn't leave a message.

 

I'd do nothing for now and wait until your emotions calm down so you can use logic effectively.

[nature]

Yes, out of nowhere. Absolute nowhere. I was too shocked and nervous to answer. He waited until my answering machine picked up, fumbled a bit and hung up the phone as I could hear on the msg. Amazing how we analyze things so much when they are obscure like his calling. I just have no idea what he could want. Ugh.

[norajane]

Since you saw him recently, did he see you? That may be why you've been on his mind enough to call.

 

Opens all kinds of emotions in me.

 

You should probably think about those emotions. I think those are what they call "unresolved emotions". Stuff that you carry around with you, that you haven't let go of yet.

[nature]

Norajane, I really don't think he saw me. I was in my vehicle quite a distance away waiting at a light when he and his girlfriend rode their bikes by. Although maybe he has seen me other times.

 

You are correct. I have very unresolved emotions. He broke my heart and devastated me. I did what I had to do and walked away from a man I was totally in love with, who had cold feet on marrying me after 4 yrs together, and was acting out and treating me badly at the end of our relationship.

 

I didn't walk away out of lack of love. It broke my heart and ever ounce of my soul. But he clearly wanted out, so I let him go. I have tried my hardest to move on. Left him alone. Dated, moved on with my life, wished no ill will on him.

 

But the feelings are still there in me. I have done everything I could to work thru them and make them go away, but they are still obviously very there inside me. I don't know what else to do with them.

[Rorschach64]

Have you talked to a professional about these emotions and thoughts?

[lalalandman]

Maybe he got cold feet and decided not to leave a message at the last second. Which is stupid. Contacting him is entirely up to you. If you still have leftover feelings after this long, then I dunno, maybe it would be a good idea to see how he's feeling as well. My first love and I got in contact 2 years after the BU and we met up and almost made love. I though that the fire was still there, but then we drifted again. I just think that it's best to resolve this issue, especially if there's still love there after this long. Most of what comes through these forums are fresh BUs which we all tout NC. But this is different. So, I don't know. Maybe send him a text and ask if he truly did contact you on purpose. He's still with his gf, so keep your distance. If you can wait it out, see if he contacts you again in the next few days. Personally, I think it's unfair to call someone up after 2 years and not leave a message. He shouldn't have put this on you when he's the one contacting you. He may be nervous but still....

[norajane]

But the feelings are still there in me. I have done everything I could to work thru them and make them go away, but they are still obviously very there inside me. I don't know what else to do with them.

 

I know what you mean; I've been in your shoes, although not in the exact same way as you. I tried everything, too, and the only thing that helped me work through my emotions was talking with my ex. After 3 years of no conversation, we spent many months on the phone and in email talking it through. For us, the timing was right and we were both in the right frame of mind to actually have open and honest communication about our past.

[nature]

Thanks everyone. I have talked to a professional when we first broke up, plus I talked with him till we were both blue in the face after we broke up....it was one of those "agree to disagree" scenario's. We started arguing about everything and couldn't agree on anything. So I just don't see rehashing our relationship again or what went wrong. Basically he got cold feet. He thought he wanted to be married but when it came down to the responsibility it would entail, he couldn't take it or didn't want to take it. Thanks again everyone.

[norajane]

Thanks everyone. I have talked to a professional when we first broke up, plus I talked with him till we were both blue in the face after we broke up....it was one of those "agree to disagree" scenario's. We started arguing about everything and couldn't agree on anything. So I just don't see rehashing our relationship again or what went wrong. Basically he got cold feet. He thought he wanted to be married but when it came down to the responsibility it would entail, he couldn't take it or didn't want to take it. Thanks again everyone.

 

It's a couple of years later now. He might have a different perspective to share now.

[Glove_slap]

My phone was just ringing. I went to answer it and recognized the number. A number I have not seen in 2 years. My ex fiance. We broke up 3 years ago, and kept somewhat in touch the first year of the break up with silly games and stupid bs where we were both acting out of hurt. We originally broke up because we had been together 4 yrs, engaged for 2 yrs, and he started acting out, partying non-stop and blowing me off ie. cold feet. He couldn't do it...get married. He wanted to keep things the way they were forever.

 

We ended all contact in September of 2009. He's had a girlfriend since soon after that time. I have seen them around together from a distance, and even saw them riding their bikes together 2 weeks ago from a distance. We live in a somewhat smallish town (160,000 people) in the sameish area of town.

 

I don't know why he called me? It made me feel nervous and sick. i don't hate him or anything. In fact, part of me still loves him to bits. It kind of stings when i have seen him around with his girlfriend, but I've dealt with it quietly to myself.

 

Why could he possibly call? ugh. I know he didn't dial me by accident cuz hasn't happened in 2 yrs. doubt he still has me in his phone.

 

Why do I feel so stressed out and nervous about him calling?

 

(PS posted this in coping but nobody responding, so don't know where to post this? Sorry if double posted.)

 

Which goes back to my previous claim that men ALWAYS come back.

If you stayed strong and haven't contacted him in 2 years then why should you break such a long streak? I understand that your nervous, I would be too but the best thing to do is ignore it, it means nothing. Probably an apology, or an attempt for sex or maybe reconciliation. Whatever the reason it's too late.

[nature]

Ugh, i just went for a walk with my dog and just saw this ex fiance with his girlfriend. They rode by me on their bikes looking all happy. He stared straight at me and then we both looked away. She was right behind him on her bike about 10 ft. Ugh. I feel sick.

 

I have not returned his call since he called and didn't leave me a msg a week and a half ago. Don't know why he called me. But he's still very much with his girlfriend and looked happy.

 

It makes me so sad still. I'm pathetic that it bothers me so much. I came home and cried. feeling sick. Why am I so pathetic that it still hurts seeing him with her. I feel like burying myself in a hole.

 

They were out riding their bikes in the sunshine looking so happy. And he wouldn't have ridden a bike when I was with him if I'd paid him. He always took off with his friends to golf and do whatever. Now he's out biking with her, doing the things I wanted to do togehter. And it hurts.

[Art_Critic]

Anytime I have called an old ex out of nowhere after years it was because I was scrubbing thru old phone numbers after a recent breakup looking to recycle an old GF..

Looking back.. I'd say a quick bang was all I was ever after...

[nature]

Art Critic, I hear what you are saying, which is why I didn't call back. but why would he do that when he has a girlfriend? He's not a sleezy guy. He's very devoted when in a relationship.

 

Ugh, i just went for a walk with my dog and just saw this ex fiance with his girlfriend. They rode by me on their bikes looking all happy. It makes me so sad still. I'm pathetic that it bothers me so much. I feel so jealous of her.

 

He wouldn't have ridden a bike when I was with him if I'd paid him. He always took off with his friends to golf, party and do whatever, which is why I left him. Now he's out biking with her, doing the things I wanted to do togehter. And it hurts.

[marny]

Just a thought - it could have been a mistake. Maybe he dialled your number by mistake instead of someone else's and realised his mistake so stopped the call and thus didn't leave a message. He may thought nothing of it afterwards. Don't torture yourself over this, just carry on as before and try to avoid that park in future if you can! probably difficult if you,ve got a dog to walk though...Anyway doesn't change the fact that he's still got your number on his phone. Every year or so I sort through my contacts lists and delete old numbers, and I would delete an ex's number if I hadn'theard from them for two years...he didn't.

[Art_Critic]

Just a thought - it could have been a mistake.

 

hahaha...

 

I'd bet he has a new phone by now.. 3 years later..

The other thing is that if it was a mistake you can bet that it would have happened before 3 years later..

I'd bet her number wasn't on his phone.. he pulled that from his computer or his memory.

 

The first thing a person does when in a committed relationship is delete your old life.

[nature]

Art Critic I believe you are correct. First off, he would have a new cell by now, as his best buddy deals in them. Secondly, he has never dialed me by mistake. Ever. Thirdly, he knows my numbers off by heart. So I'm doubtful it was a mistake.

 

Yes, difficult to not walk where i do, as that's where i walk and he used to walk with me. It's near my house, not his. He's the one coming into my territory per se! lol

 

But as I said, he's not a sleazy guy. But he does have a girlfriend he's had for 2 years. And saw them toegher today. So they are together. Very strange.

[marny]

Does his girlfriend live nearer the park then? He may be trying to bump into you 'accidentally-on purpose'. Could he have phoned you to warn you he was planning to go to the park for a bike ride with his girlfriend?? A long shot...!

[M2155]

They were out riding their bikes in the sunshine looking so happy. And he wouldn't have ridden a bike when I was with him if I'd paid him. He always took off with his friends to golf and do whatever. Now he's out biking with her, doing the things I wanted to do togehter. And it hurts.

Ugh...I hate when guys do this! I swear they always do everything I wanted with the next girl.

 

I don't know why he called and I wouldn't call back, but I would answer if he called again. It's possible, I'm just throwing out a theory, that he is thinking about settling down with the new girl and feels like he should tell you. I have NO idea why men feel the need to do this but a lot of them do (I'm sure women do to).

 

 

The first thing a person does when in a committed relationship is delete your old life.

Well not me, I have all my ex's phone numbers and e-mails from at least the past 6-7 years. I deleted the recent ex because I was so extremely hurt and forced NC, but the others, especially now that the phone company can automatically add your contacts to the new phone, I just never thought to delete them (I guess at least I'll know it's them if they call).

[nature]

I don't think his ex lives near there, but possibly it's on the way to her place. Both my parents and myself live in the vicinity, so it's our area. lol However, it is a beautiful area by the water so I can see why they'd want to go there.

 

I don't think he would tell me he's getting serious with the new girl. We haven't spoken in two years. There would be no reason to tell me, as I wouldn't really care to hear and he'd know that. He's a chicken sh*t when it comes to any confrontation, so he'd never put himself in that positioni. I just know!