TooAccepting32 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Ok so me and my bf (new relationship) are talking in a pub accross the street from his house about a major issue that came up. I go to the bathroom, we leave, and then he starts telling me about this girl who came up to him while I was in the bathroom (he doesn't know her, but she works there and was hanging out on her day off). He said she asked him who I was, told him his hair looks good and various other compliments, blah blah blah, and then he said he told her that things are not going well with me etc and they had a heart to heart. It felt really weird.. First, like he was trying to communicate to me that she wanted him or something (it felt like game playing.. ). Second, I felt weird after having such an intimate conversation with him, that he would share with a girl he doesn't even know about it and tell her we might be breaking up. I felt like what I thought was intimate sharing between him and me turned out to be me, him and some random girl who walked up and complimented him. Not the kind of me and him against the world feeling I was hoping for. Can anyone help me sort this out in my mind? Why would he tell her that? Why would he tell me that he told her that? I don't fancy myself a jealous person but something about this felt really off.
spiderowl Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Your boyfriend is an idiot. No sensible person would talk to a strange girl about his girlfriend like that. Even if he did, in a moment of drunkenness, no sane guy would think of telling his girlfriend about the conversation. He's telling a strange woman that you and he aren't working out. No wonder you feel it's off! It's like he's saying he might be available soon. Either he's telling you this because it's true and he means it or because he's trying to make you feel insecure. Whatever he's doing, it doesn't sound right or respectful to me. If a guy said that to me, I'd walk out.
Eddie Edirol Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 He told you that because he wants you to break it off with him, or he wants you to try harder.
make me believe Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Good lord, how long were you in the bathroom for that they had time to exchange compliments, chit chat, and move onto a heart to heart about your relationship?! Your boyfriend is definitely playing games with you. He was trying to get a reaction from you and he also acted totally inappropriately. I agree with spider, he was basically communicating to her that he'll be available soon. Any guy who is invested in your relationship doesn't go around telling random girls that there are problems & you might be breaking up soon. My advice would be to break it off now...
make me believe Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Oh and I just saw that it is a new relationship. Yeah, I would DEFINITELY end it in that case. 1) He is exhibiting inappropriate behavior at the very start of your relationship, and 2) it's still new but you're already having problems and considering breaking up? Don't drag it out any longer.
Author TooAccepting32 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Good lord, how long were you in the bathroom for that they had time to exchange compliments, chit chat, and move onto a heart to heart about your relationship?! lol... I was in there for a while yea... however, I was surprised about how much managed to take place during that time!! wtf
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 He was trying to show you that he's "desirable" in an attempt to get you to drop whatever issue it was that you were discussing. He sounds like a tool.
Author TooAccepting32 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 yea it seems like he's trying to make me feel insecure and destabilize me.
seekingunderstanding Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Did you tell him what you thought about this? How did he react?
oldguy Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 It does sound weird. It also sounds like he's playing games.
Author TooAccepting32 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Did you tell him what you thought about this? How did he react? At the time I responded to his descriptions of her flattery with "woah! Hold on there.." I honestly thought at that moment that the conversation would end with him saying he excused himself from her. When he said he told her we might break up I said "Wait, you told her that?" He said "yea, she would have known something was wrong anyway". I was kinda too stunned at that time to inquire further. I'm going to talk to him about it today... just not sure what to say. I feel like it's ridiculous for me to have to explain why this is a problem.
Author TooAccepting32 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 He's 29. I talked to him today... at first he said he was sorry and won't do it again, but then said he was "just talking to a girl" and he doesn't see why I'm so upset about it if I believe him that he wants to be with me and didn't want to cheat on me with her. I told him it's not about cheating, but about being able to count on him to be on my side. He figured I should already know I can count on him.. then I said this situation was experience with not being able to count on him, and we went back through the circle again of him saying he was just talking to a girl, and it's unreasonable if he can't ever talk to other females blah blah.. He didn't approach her, she was hitting on him blah blah, he already said sorry, what more do I want blah blah. I'm pretty sad. And mad.
Author TooAccepting32 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Sorry to hear that, TooAccepting. It does sound like another pointless / heavily coded conversation. Thanks Jane. Yea, he was basically exaggerating my concerns (ex: can't talk to ANY females, I'm accusing him of wanting to cheat or leave me for her etc.), so that he could claim I'm being unreasonable, and was making me feel like a crazy person for finding anything out of the ordinary about the situation... I recognize these among other things he said as manipulation tactics. Talking to him just hurt and confused me more. I feel like barfing when I think about him now. I think he has successfully turned me off.
WhiteChocolate Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 He sounds like a dud. It's a new relationship and you already have problems like this? And the manipulative tactics, exaggerating your concerns, just stinks of a jerk.
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