shortee143 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Hi all- so i wont go into my whole story here...but in brief...ex and I are not NC (although we dont actually speak when I see him anymore). We are in the same tight knit social circle, attend tons of the same events (bday outings, anniversary parties, weddings, etc), plus he lives in an apt with 2 of my close friends (ugh lesson learned, not dating a friend again!!)....so to put it short, I see him very often, and he has a new gf. All VERY hard to deal with and I still find my emotions high, but i really cant avoid running into him. Anyone here NOT in NC? How is your situation? How do you handle it all? Just curious, since I know NC is the way to go usually if possible.
momto3boys Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I am limited contact because we have a son together and i am pregnant by him and due with our 2nd baby boy due in 5 weeks. So we have to talk, but i try to keep it limited. He also lives 6 hours away so that helps, lol.
Author shortee143 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 I am limited contact because we have a son together and i am pregnant by him and due with our 2nd baby boy due in 5 weeks. So we have to talk, but i try to keep it limited. He also lives 6 hours away so that helps, lol. Yea I guess I am more LC, since I do see him, and although I do not go out of my way to say hi..I do respond if he says hi. I just have no desire to speak to a man that hurt me so much...in his mind "by gones are by gones" I guess, not so much for me! When you have kids it is another situation where full NC cant really happen. Must be hard expecting a baby with someone you are not with any longer, very strong woman you are!
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I have LC with my ex, mainly because when I go NC she shows up at my house, even though she ended it! It's really difficult, because I was coping up until last Wednesday when she showed up unannounced. We haven't spoken since then and she hasn't been bombarding me with text messages as she usually does, maybe because I was pretty cold towards her when she called. I cope with it by not initiating contact and not being emotional when I see her. Also I read a lot and have started using hypnosis cds, which seem to be helping.
Kageytn Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I'm in limited contact with my ex and plan to see him tonight. I've done periods of NC and he goes through this cycle of breadcrumbs texts, hey I want to help you, I've paid one of your bills to I'm trying to change, please talk to me about my therapy to emails full of I statements. I break. We go out as friends and then I go back to NC. Is it working for me? Nope. Am I delaying dealing w his crap? Yep. Is it healthy for me? No. I'm working on improving myself and growing a spine and implementing boundaries every day. Wouldn't it be great if we could switch exes and deal with them? I'll take Dovic's dropping by the house ex and he can take my matyr ex.
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I'm in limited contact with my ex and plan to see him tonight. I've done periods of NC and he goes through this cycle of breadcrumbs texts, hey:p I want to help you, I've paid one of your bills to I'm trying to change, please talk to me about my therapy to emails full of I statements. I break. We go out as friends and then I go back to NC. Is it working for me? Nope. Am I delaying dealing w his crap? Yep. Is it healthy for me? No. I'm working on improving myself and growing a spine and implementing boundaries every day. Wouldn't it be great if we could switch exes and deal with them? I'll take Dovic's dropping by the house ex and he can take my matyr ex. No deal lol
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 oh fine. Make me grow my own spine! LOL, you're very welcome
Author shortee143 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Well I never had to deal with him dropping by luckily!! It is just more like he wont go away, when at this point, all I wantis to never see him again! Kage; "Is it working for me? Nope. Am I delaying dealing w his crap? Yep. Is it healthy for me? No. I'm working on improving myself and growing a spine and implementing boundaries every day. " --- HA, sounds like what i say/think to myself about having to see him!! I know I am not were I would be if I had NC, but ah I just keep trudging thru this. I feel like I just need to keep on, keeping on...as they say. It sucks to have this so called contact with him (even though we dont speak, as I really dont initiate any convo, I prefer to be as classy as I can, but maintain my cold shoulder haha) Just seeing him, being around him (and his new gf), still blows and brings up so much emotion inside, not all favorable emotion either mind you!
Damia Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I'm LC as we have children. I'm 1 year out and almost at the indifferent stage. I try to remain dignified and reasonable as we are still sorting out the settlement.Also it makes me look good not bagging their dad in front of my kids(they have made their own very accurate assessment about his behavior all on their own:D) I also know my reasonable behavior bugs the bejeebers out of his Affair/P g/f And if I do (not very often) contact him (only kid stuff) I try to do it when she is around as I know that pushes her buttons too Yes this is very petty and childish but hell, alls fair in love and war ! Remember I said at the top "almost" indifferent
Author shortee143 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 I'm LC as we have children. I'm 1 year out and almost at the indifferent stage. I try to remain dignified and reasonable as we are still sorting out the settlement.Also it makes me look good not bagging their dad in front of my kids(they have made their own very accurate assessment about his behavior all on their own:D) I also know my reasonable behavior bugs the bejeebers out of his Affair/P g/f And if I do (not very often) contact him (only kid stuff) I try to do it when she is around as I know that pushes her buttons too Yes this is very petty and childish but hell, alls fair in love and war ! Remember I said at the top "almost" indifferent Ahh I long for the day I can become as indifferent as possible with all this! I hang w him and his new gf, and the one side of me wants to so badly tell her everything he has done and how gross it is (yet, I never would!). I too try to remain as "cool" as can be- afterall, one thing we all know, these exes most of the time love and expect that reaction. It can be so darn hard to be the bigger person when they deserve to be hit where it hurts! It still sucks and hurts, but give me another few months and I sure hope I am much more indifferent! I totally think you are allowed to be a little childish haha, calling him when he is with her, I can only imagine it brings a teeny smile to your face I can only imagine in due time my ex's new gf will get slightly bugged that I am always around!!
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