chubachoop Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 There relly is no one else? what if youve been single like all your life, your 25 now and know exactly what you want. You find what you want, plan to be with them forever cause you realise you are soulmates, but then you find out that actually they dont feel as strongly as you do so they cant give everything you want? what if you know that there is nobody else youn could possibly love as much as you do them? what do you do, stay single forever?
UCFKevin Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 No. You find someone else who you may not love as much but can still be with and enjoy being with. Your love for the new person may eclipse the old love. Who knows. But how could you possibly know there's no one else? No one does. Were you speaking hypothetically?
Author chubachoop Posted May 15, 2004 Author Posted May 15, 2004 I dont intend to make do with somebody almost perfect! I want the best and I found him but cause he doesnt love me enough he didnt treat me the way i wanted. nnow ir=ts over. if ive already found the best and i wont settle for lee=ss what next? do i just hope he'll change his mind in time and realise i am the one for him??
spencer Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 Why is your perfect person someone who doesn't love you the way you need?
UCFKevin Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 1) How old are you? 2) When did things end? If it's recent, yeah, it's common to think like that, but to continue thinking like that is self torture. You will find someone else, possibly better, possibly the same, who knows. Be an optimist about it. Or would you rather live in agony and misery hoping and waiting for him to come back? Do you REALLY want someone who doesn't love you back? It'll all make sense in due time. Trust me. As I've said time and time again, no one thinks clearly after a break up.
Author chubachoop Posted May 15, 2004 Author Posted May 15, 2004 I am 25. I broke up with him because I felt he wasnt giving me enough love and romance. He wasnt able to tell me why so I just figured it was the way he was and therefore he wasnt perfect for me. The next day he told me the reason he couldnt give me all I wanted was because his feelings arent as strong as mine and he feels we dont have the right chemistry. Now im finding it so hard because that means the only things he is missing, which would make him my perfect partner are things that are missing because he doesnt feel as much for me as I do he. In every other way he is perfect so what do I do? I know we haven't even been broken up a week yet but I really wont be happy with anyone else. Hes my soul mate and youve only got one soul mate I believe. I dont eveer intend settling for someone second best so thats why I think my only option is to stay single forever, or hope he'll realise one day that he does really want me.
CurlyIam Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 Originally posted by chubachoop I am 25. I broke up with him because I felt he wasnt giving me enough love and romance. He wasnt able to tell me why so I just figured it was the way he was and therefore he wasnt perfect for me. The next day he told me the reason he couldnt give me all I wanted was because his feelings arent as strong as mine and he feels we dont have the right chemistry. Now im finding it so hard because that means the only things he is missing, which would make him my perfect partner are things that are missing because he doesnt feel as much for me as I do he. In every other way he is perfect so what do I do? I know we haven't even been broken up a week yet but I really wont be happy with anyone else. Hes my soul mate and youve only got one soul mate I believe. I dont eveer intend settling for someone second best so thats why I think my only option is to stay single forever, or hope he'll realise one day that he does really want me. Believe me, there are much more important things in life than finding your "soulmate". Like finding someone who understands you, who supposts you, who's there for you and whom you feel stronger just being with. Imagine having to leave someone like that. You're 25! IT is ok to one the perfect man for you. Don't fall back on your decision to leave him only because you are afraid of not finding "another soulmate". And after a while, you will start dating again and you will feel as if you are settling for less than second best. Then you'll date some more and stop feeling that. There lots of men out there, you'll learn so much more about yourself and about life. My advice to you is not to focuss on "finding your soulmate"... Just accept new experiences, even if their not with the most compatible persons. My 2 cents, anyway!
Author chubachoop Posted May 15, 2004 Author Posted May 15, 2004 I do understand what your saying but Ive done the whole dating thing. Ive dated crap guys, good guys, sexy guys, fun guys the lot. Ive figured out finally what it is I want and Ive built my self esteem to acceptno less than what i want. I dont think Ill never meet another guy, I got attention from guys last night but I never like any of them. I was engaged a couple of years ago but even with him I never felt as sure as I did about the guy I just broke up with. I love everything about him and he is the only person I can talk to about everything, he totally understands my way of thinking and he is my best friend in the world. I know im just being negative because we only just broke up but in a way i wish I could find something real bad about him so itd be easier for me to get over it. Right now I just think Ive lost my chance with mr right because im not his miss right. If he could even tell me why Id try to change for him but he says he loves everything about me so doesnt understand why his heart just isnt in it
moimeme Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 but I really wont be happy with anyone else. Hes my soul mate and youve only got one soul mate I believe The odds are against that. There are a few hundred million in the US. If you don't live there, there are still several tens of millions in most countries. Among them are many fellows you could be compatible with. You may think he has everything you want - but sometimes you find fellows who have all you want - and more. Sometimes you find ones with extra bonus benefits. Sometimes you think you couldn't possibly get along better with anyone - and then life shows you that you were wrong. Fact is, humans have been busy enough populating the world that it's not possible for you to never again find someone as good - and the chances are you'll find someone even better, though you can't imagine it right now.
Author chubachoop Posted May 15, 2004 Author Posted May 15, 2004 I suppose so....... Maybe ill find someone better than him and then I'll have this wonderful new boyfriend and my ex as my best friend.....
CurlyIam Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 Originally posted by chubachoop Right now I just think Ive lost my chance with mr right because im not his miss right. If he could even tell me why Id try to change for him but he says he loves everything about me so doesnt understand why his heart just isnt in it I know what you are saying. At some moment I too met a man. We were incredibly compatible about most things but I've never wanted to settle down. I guess I did love him, but not enough. Not the right way. It is very frustating to me to see how me and mycurrent bf have to work sometimes quite badly to solve issues that with my ex were finished almost instanetly. But, on the other hand, the way this man makes me feel and the pure attraction I feel for him... It's different! I simply feel differently! I am clearly more shallow right now, but as I see it, I can talk about Distoievski with my friends, where as attraction and others closely related go ... not really. How long have the two of you been together? I bet is was more than 6 months. Customs and routine: they are the ones that actually shape up our lives. Are you sure you were not their prisioner? On the other hand, my ex probably didn't quite look at me. He didn't SEE me. Maybe it's simply my vanity, but this does play a huge role in my life. IT is very reassuring, being accepted, treasured and first and foremost loved. You cannot make yourself love someone. It happens or in doesn't happen. IF he doesn't love you know, then he'll never love you. Ever! Don't accept anything less than love. Soulmate or not!!!! Bad things can happen everyday, you need someone who can make the sacrifices and will do it without any doubts! Think about this. I personally don't believe there is anything to wait. I just don't. You decide!
CurlyIam Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 Sorry, lots of spelling mistakes: from instantely to... Dostoievski...
Author chubachoop Posted May 15, 2004 Author Posted May 15, 2004 he does love me. i think hes just not IN love with me. maybe its more a friendship love for him? he said he loves everything about me.. we were together 6 months btw
CurlyIam Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 I loved the guy too. I was definetely not inlove with him. I had very very deep feelings for him. IT DID NOT WORK! I still have very strong feelings for him. But I want it all I know I'm smart because of it. You know why? Relationships don't make it to the test of time if no highly intense and profound feelings are in the relationship. From all parties involved! I understand you are going through some tough time: you have found the perfect man for you - probably, and you are inlove! You can't compare this with another relationship because it has the highest mark so far, right? Go with your instincts. If you know you desirve better, ge find better. Don't stay near someone only 'cause they're great. Do it because they're great for you, with you, to you! I a repeating mself: accept the change and stop waiting. There is nothing to wait! Move on. Sorry to be so harsh !
Author chubachoop Posted May 16, 2004 Author Posted May 16, 2004 ok.. thank you. its not harsh its right and i am gonna stop waiting. are you and your ex able to be friends though?
dudesomewhere Posted May 16, 2004 Posted May 16, 2004 I've had a passing thought on becoming a monk...really look at my posts and you can sort of see it...but I really love women in that hubba hubba way
CurlyIam Posted May 16, 2004 Posted May 16, 2004 Not a very long time ago he contacted me and wanted to have another go at it - he realised he didn't want to go on with his life. So I did a very stupid stupid thing: I told him I'm seeing someone else, that I have changed and evolved and that he may not like me anymore as I am not the same person,not the same woman he feel inlove with - namely, he was my first boyfriend, after him I have quite a few dates and that in the new relationship I'm in rightnow, I've taken it to the next level. I did this because I live in another country and I shall came back home in september and he wanted to wait for me. I thought I was doing the right thing, I have been honest, I could have taken his support and love and when arriving home give him the cold shoulder... He didn't see it this way, he was disgusted with me and with the fact that I've decided to move on with my life. He saidhe had no respect for me anymore... Well, that's life! So...no, we are not friends at all, we don't even phone, write or mail to each other, although he continues to be y best friend and still the most important an in my life.
CurlyIam Posted May 16, 2004 Posted May 16, 2004 Sorry,lots of spelling mistakes! "Not a very long time ago he contacted me and wanted to have another go at it - he realised he didn't want to go on with his life. So I did a very stupid stupid thing: I told him I'm seeing someone else, that I have changed and evolved and that he may not like me anymore as I am not the same person, not the same woman he feel inlove with - namely, he was my first boyfriend, after him I have had quite a few dates, and that in the new relationship I'm in right now, I've taken it to the next level. I did this because I live in another country and I shall came back home in september and he wanted to wait for me. I thought I was doing the right thing, I have been honest, I could have taken his support and love and when arriving home give him the cold shoulder... He didn't see it this way, he was disgusted with me and with the fact that I've decided to move on with my life. He said he had no respect for me anymore... Well, that's life! So...no, we are not friends at all, we don't even phone, write or mail to each other, although he continues to be my best friend and still the most important man in my life."
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