USMCHokie Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 (edited) Women like me because I'm harmless. They like spending time with me because they aren't threatened by attraction. I'm a "great guy." They are too comfortable with me. Help. Edited October 5, 2011 by USMCHokie
Star Gazer Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Are you drunk? The way you've written this doesn't sound you.
Kamille Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Women like me because I'm harmless. They like spending time with me because they aren't threatened by attraction. I'm a "great guy." They are too comfortable with me. Help. USMC, would you describe yourself as a people-pleaser? How important is it for you to be liked by others?
Author USMCHokie Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Are you drunk? The way you've written this doesn't sound you. No, I don't drink on weekdays...but it was a somewhat serious question worded a bit awkwardly...
Beachgirl8 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 From what I understand from being on LS, you're a good looking guy with a rockin body. So it's all in your attitude. I met a guy awhile back who was skinny and awkward, dorky-intellectual type. Normally an instant friendzone guy for me. (I've got my own problems, I know) He was with his friend who was a total flirt/ ladies man. I had a really good time talking to the first guy. He surprised the HECK out of me by flirting and challenging me, which made me a bit attracted to him. What happened was, somehow the topic of ex's came up. (this was at a dinner party) I started talking about my most recent "fake ex" (details aren't important) and he looked me straight in the eye and said (jokingly but serious) "I am a man, and I have no interest in hearing about your ex boyfriends" it made me laugh and I challenged him back, saying- we aren't dating, I can talk about whatever I want. He kept on with his confident position, and interrupted my conversation with new topics, and eyebrow raises. It was really cute. Even though he's not my normal "type", he had me attracted to him by being confident. I didn't end up dating him because he was down here on vacation, but he definitely would have had a shot because of his attitude. He wasn't cocky, or mean, or playing games. And he wasn't the best looking guy in the room by a long shot. But he was able to generate sexual attraction. You already have an advantage with the rockin bod. Be confident and don't worry about being so nice. It's possible to be the "nice guy" and come across as confident and sexy at the same time. Once you get that, you will have to beat the girls off with a stick.
Author USMCHokie Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 USMC, would you describe yourself as a people-pleaser? How important is it for you to be liked by others? Not a people pleaser at all. I can actually be quite rash at times (you can ask Star ), but it's usually part of my humor, which seems to be universally appealing. I can make women laugh, which just adds to their comfort level with me. So they see me as the funny guy that they have a good time with...not the sexy guy they want to date...
AHardDaysNight Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 ^ Not needed. I have the same problem. And I think it all lies in the fear of exposing the real us. I'm talking about our personalities, our inner essence, what have you. What is it you want from girls, OP? Love? Sex? Friendship?
AD1980 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I have the same problems..all my male friends wives love me like a brother theyll tell you im a sweet guy as well as most women i meet but that doesnt get womens juices flowing.. The guys in my social circle ive heard called arrogant and full of themslves are also the ones they mention are attractive and give off a sexual masculine energy.... Im not sayign women like jerks but being a jerk will get you better results then overly nice will I guesa "masculine energy" which has good and bad parts is attractive to women which is why some jerks can be attractive to women..
Author USMCHokie Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 ^ Not needed. I have the same problem. And I think it all lies in the fear of exposing the real us. I'm talking about our personalities, our inner essence, what have you. What is it you want from girls, OP? Love? Sex? Friendship? I think the problem is that I'm showing too much of my true personality...I admit I can be a bit of a "smart goofball" as I like to call it...not over the top, just well-timed delivery...and sometimes I feel like I need to calm the f*ck down...I can fake it all day with that strong silent BS, but over the years I realized it's not me...I make people smile and laugh around me, and I think that's cool...just not sure if I can be seen as more than the clown...
AHardDaysNight Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Once again, people bring up the nice guy vs. Bad Boy argument. I am entirely sick of discussing it.
AD1980 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Once again, people bring up the nice guy vs. Bad Boy argument. I am entirely sick of discussing it. I dont buy into it either..I dont think any sane women like jerks per se but a jerk or douchebag can exert masculinty energy that can be attractive to some women...doesnt mean women look around and say i want a jerk it just means they can posses a certain trait to catch a womens attention..
Feelin Frisky Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Don't change that they feel comfortable with you. Just don't be so passive when opportunity is there. You could ask any of these females to play cupid for you if they are not interested themselves. You just have to make it known you're in want and looking. I'm sure you're in as good a shape as a human male gets for that age so, knock off being dense and make your time count.
ptp Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Dude, Nobody can tell you this stuff. It is like when you go to a bar you can tell the difference between the truly sexy women and the ones that look pathetic because they are trying too hard. As generic as it sounds "be youself" is the way to go. If you try to act differently women will see right through it.
AHardDaysNight Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 True. It's more about masculinity and confidence than it is about "jerkishness."
carhill Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 OP, try actively imagining the woman in front of you naked and how your desire for her would play out. Let this imbue your expressions and psyche, without reservation or filter. This does not mean talking 'dirty' or 'groping' anyone. It's about your 'aura'. I know what you mean about 'harmless'. I often hear it as 'brother'. Anyway, give it a try.
ptp Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 OP, try actively imagining the woman in front of you naked and how your desire for her would play out. Let this imbue your expressions and psyche, without reservation or filter. This does not mean talking 'dirty' or 'groping' anyone. It's about your 'aura'. I know what you mean about 'harmless'. I often hear it as 'brother'. Anyway, give it a try. Carhill you have mixed up your advice giving sessions. That is for public speaking not talking to women.
torn_curtain Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 You strike me as a guy who doesn't have a strong sense of self. This is a turn off. As a woman I will tell you what I notice in a man beyond the superficial. What I respond most to in a guy is presence. Let's say I'm hanging out in a mixed gender group with at least a few guys. It's 2am on a Saturday night and we're shooting the **** at a local diner. Which guy in the group is going to grab my attention? First, I'd probably notice the guy who is talking most because he's commanding attention and because his extroversion reflects confidence. But that's not enough. If he's an airbag with nothing interesting to say, I'll immediately lose interest. So he's got to be not only confident in his opinions but they have to be intelligent and well-formed. Things like vocal projection will also make him sexier to me. Imagine a guy who is getting so excited about what he's saying, is so passionately in the moment, that his voice flares a little, he suddenly shifts forward in his chair and looks directly at whomever he's addressing. Women love this sort of thing, believe me. I can't stress enough the importance of these three traits in attracting women: speaking often, speaking with volume and speaking with animation. I might also notice a guy who is a bit quieter but sounds confident and intelligent when he does speak. It'll be a bit harder for me to notice him, though. Who won't I notice? The guy who is sitting there passively like a lump with an agreeable perma smile on his face, either contributing little to the conversation or when he does mostly saying things to appease others. Hokie, your threads suggest that base your identity largely on superficial, external traits like being ripped. There's no easy fix for developing a fuller personality -- you have to do the work. It means cultivating interests that can become part of your identity, reading more, developing stronger opinions, and practicing confidence around others. We learn about ourselves by interacting with the world. If you only engage the world in a shallow way you will never learn enough about yourself to grow a solid identity. If you spent a year just devoting yourself to learning about the world more and developing some interests outside of working out and practicing confident behavior around people, I promise you would have more success with women, but you have to keep the self improvement up.
carhill Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Carhill you have mixed up your advice giving sessions. That is for public speaking not talking to women. I've found imagining the audience naked worked well for me when giving speeches too. Unknown why it took so long to apply it to romantic pursuits. Too polite I guess..
torn_curtain Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 With all due respect PJ, you haven't the faintest clue about what women respond to.
Nexus One Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 You strike me as a guy who doesn't have a strong sense of self. This is a turn off. As a woman I will tell you what I notice in a man beyond the superficial. What I respond most to in a guy is presence. Let's say I'm hanging out in a mixed gender group with at least a few guys. It's 2am on a Saturday night and we're shooting the **** at a local diner. Which guy in the group is going to grab my attention? First, I'd probably notice the guy who is talking most because he's commanding attention and because his extroversion reflects confidence. But that's not enough. If he's an airbag with nothing interesting to say, I'll immediately lose interest. So he's got to be not only confident in his opinions but they have to be intelligent and well-formed. Things like vocal projection will also make him sexier to me. Imagine a guy who is getting so excited about what he's saying, is so passionately in the moment, that his voice flares a little, he suddenly shifts forward in his chair and looks directly at whomever he's addressing. Women love this sort of thing, believe me. I can't stress enough the importance of these three traits in attracting women: speaking often, speaking with volume and speaking with animation. I might also notice a guy who is a bit quieter but sounds confident and intelligent when he does speak. It'll be a bit harder for me to notice him, though. Who won't I notice? The guy who is sitting there passively like a lump with an agreeable perma smile on his face, either contributing little to the conversation or when he does mostly saying things to appease others. Hokie, your threads suggest that base your identity largely on superficial, external traits like being ripped. There's no easy fix for developing a fuller personality -- you have to do the work. It means cultivating interests that can become part of your identity, reading more, developing stronger opinions, and practicing confidence around others. We learn about ourselves by interacting with the world. If you only engage the world in a shallow way you will never learn enough about yourself to grow a solid identity. If you spent a year just devoting yourself to learning about the world more and developing some interests outside of working out and practicing confident behavior around people, I promise you would have more success with women, but you have to keep the self improvement up. Good reply.
Author USMCHokie Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Hokie, your threads suggest that base your identity largely on superficial, external traits like being ripped. There's no easy fix for developing a fuller personality -- you have to do the work. It means cultivating interests that can become part of your identity, reading more, developing stronger opinions, and practicing confidence around others. We learn about ourselves by interacting with the world. If you only engage the world in a shallow way you will never learn enough about yourself to grow a solid identity. If you spent a year just devoting yourself to learning about the world more and developing some interests outside of working out and practicing confident behavior around people, I promise you would have more success with women, but you have to keep the self improvement up. Hmmm, it's actually quite interesting that you think all I feel I have to offer is a body...hardly the case...when it comes to attempts at dating, that's the part I downplay the most in the initial stages....and it just goes to show how powerful stereotypes are...if a guy is in shape, then he has no personality...or he is incredibly shallow... I don't really take offense, though I'd argue that my body is hardly my strongest trait...in my opinion...but I'd understand if you might gleam that from my posts...
torn_curtain Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) Hmmm, it's actually quite interesting that you think all I feel I have to offer is a body...hardly the case...when it comes to attempts at dating, that's the part I downplay the most in the initial stages....and it just goes to show how powerful stereotypes are...if a guy is in shape, then he has no personality...or he is incredibly shallow... I don't really take offense, though I'd argue that my body is hardly my strongest trait...in my opinion...but I'd understand if you might gleam that from my posts... I gleam that impression from your posts because you never talk about any positive traits you possess or interests that you have other than your body and working out. I'm sure you have other good qualities, but you're not presenting them, at least not on here. I'm guessing you're not drastically different in real life, which means you should cultivate and play up your other interests more. Of course I don't believe a guy who is in shape must be shallow. Edited October 6, 2011 by torn_curtain
Author USMCHokie Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 I gleam that impression from your posts because you never talk about any positive traits you possess or interests that you have other than your body and working out. I'm sure you have other good qualities, but you're not presenting them, at least not on here. Of course I don't believe a guy who is in shape must be shallow. Fair enough. I find it's difficult to describe or quantify intangible traits...and my apparent fixation on the physical reflects what I feel is women's overwhelming fixation on the physical. Why talk about something that is inconsequential to the dating game? Again, that is based on my own perceptions and beliefs, which may or may not be accurate.
torn_curtain Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Fair enough. I find it's difficult to describe or quantify intangible traits...and my apparent fixation on the physical reflects what I feel is women's overwhelming fixation on the physical. Why talk about something that is inconsequential to the dating game? Again, that is based on my own perceptions and beliefs, which may or may not be accurate. What are some of your other interests?
Recommended Posts