avb Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 hey guys, ill make it short, here is the long story for the ppl that want to read it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3596993#post3596993 My ex left me 3 months ago, pretty much like 5 minutes she left town for a job for 2 months, it was unexpected, caught me off guard and i was hurt. Well she came back in September, during the first week she didnt contact me, than she decides to call me and meet up, which we did, it didnt go to well she pretty much reassured me that were done, she is seeing someone else, and she is happy. After that we didnt contact one another for about a week and a half.. she went out of town for some random reason..(i think she left cause she was bored here with nothing to do) she is a student as well taking a week off is pretty hard to do. When she came back she contacted me saying she still has a couple of things of mine that she would like to give back, laptop, ipod etc. she told me she wants to be friends, be able to hang out, go to parties...at this time i thought I was over her and we could probably be friends, (i was dumb, i thought being friends would help us get together but by doing research, its a stupid thing to do) When i told her yea maybe we can take things slow, and be friends i thought it was seeing one another maybe a couple times a week if even that. My ex started texting throughout the day, calling at night wanting to hang out etc. this went on for a good week. Then she randomly texts me asking if she feels more than a friend vibe when we hang out, i simply said no, i dont do you..and she said no, i just wanted to make sure im not leading you on, because its not fair if im over the relationship and you aint and were friends. I was like okay you got nothing to worry about. She continued to ask me to hang out every day for the next 3-4 days than i asked her if she has any other intentions? I was like i find this very weird, you went from hating me, telling me you never want to talk to me and all of a sudden were hanging out everyday like nothing happened. deep down inside I KNOW i do want her back. She was like I dont find this weird, and than i told her maybe im just not ready to be friends than and need some time apart etc she said okay thanks for being honest with me, the last thing I want is for us to be in a relationship again. 2 days go by NC, than she contacts me again saying hey im taking off for a week and would like to see you before i leave and sort some things out. whats the best thing for me to do guys? this is my first relationship lasted 4.5 years she was my best friend before we started dating but the way things ended were really harsh. She was so cold the 2 months she was gone. According to her she is going to go see her "BF" (what she told me at first and later on she said we havent made things official hes doing his thing and im doing mine) but our mutual friends know nothing about this guy. she doesnt talk to anyone about him. But i know when we do hang out she is texting him non stop..i dont know if she is playing mind games or not. the thing that bothers me is when we hang out, she acts like nothing has happened. any advice would be helpful also, she only wants to hang out by going for walks, coffee, dinners, driving around etc, she doesnt invite me to come over and when i invite her to come over she says shes not ready yet..than makes me feel guilty by saying things like "you should be lucky were still hanging out today, after what happened this summer I thought i would never be here. ur rushing things, it will be a couple months before i can come over to watch movies etc but she is open to going out and watching movies? so confused....
EgoJoe Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Stop playing this dumbass ****ing game with her and tell her off. Don't see her, don't answer her texts, she's not over you but she's using you to slowly ween herself off of you because she's in denial of the facts. STOP talking to her. Don't say unless you want to reconcile just cut her off. One text, "I don't want to hang out with you and I'm not interested in being friends." SAY THIS WORD FOR WORD. Reclaim your manhood right now. Don't explain why and don't allude to friendship in the future. You will thank yourself later. You'll hear from her again and it'll either be crumbs or sincere. No more bull****.
GymRat Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Hey buddy, you've really got to stop hanging out with her, period. And I would pull the plug on your friendship as quickly as she pulled the plug on your relationship. Basically, you're not over her but she is, but she loves having that satisfaction of knowing you're around to make her feel better whenever she wants. Just stop replying to her, and act like she doesn't exist. Honestly, you probably have lots of friends, you don't need a friend like that. Trust me on this one. It won't get better if you hang out with her.
Author avb Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Thanks for the advice guys, do you guys think she is doing this because she regrets her decision?
PositiveNegative Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 No dude, she is doing it so she can feel better about hurting you so badly.
lymtal1 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 avb, the ex is not back. the ex is doing what she is doing for her not you. everything that has been advised to you is correct. you are seeing things through rose colored glasses i.e. "deep down inside i KNOW i do want her back". because of this you are letting her take control of your head and heart. and you are not thinking with your head, you are thinking with your heart. and she is playing you very well. don't mean to make it sound hurtful, we all know that you care and want her back, but right now what is going on is not good for you. cut her off, go no contact and regain control of your life. you can do this but you have to realize that she is doing this for her not you.
Sugarkane Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I would tell her where she can stick her "friendship"! [where the sun don't shine].
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I personally think she was cold because she was trying to convince herself she was doing the right thing. I've read somewhere the dumpees take the news of the breakup hardest in the first few months, but that the dumpers start to feel it after this time. Therefore it's very possible she started to miss you and regret her decision! With regard to her asking if you felt more than friends - WHY would she say this if she didn't want more? Unless you had been a bit overbearing when you were with her i.e. telling her she's beautiful, touching her affectionately etc... if you didn't do anything like this and she still asked you that question then I think it meant SHE was feeling more than friends but was too afraid to say anything to you in case she got rejected!
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