fetish1980 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Alright, I have to admit that i'm very frustrated in the dating scene right now. I'm not getting to 3rd base with the girls that i'm after (attracted to). They either flake and disappear, or i have to drop them if i feel they're wasiting my time. I met this girl at this singles meetup about a month or so ago. I kind of charmed her and smiled at her. We talked about church and she mentioned she was trying to find a church home. I invited her to attend my church and we ended up exchanging numbers. However, i'm not physically attracted to her what so ever. She's plus size, a little tall, and while not ugly, she's not really what i consider attractive by my standards. I know she's interested in me like that because she told me over the phone. A few weeks ago, she called and we talked for over 2.5 hours. She's a cool person but she's gotten a little pushy lately. I've been having to work alot at my second job. She's invited me to go places, but our last phone conversation, she kind of indicated that she thought i was using "Work" as an excuse not to see her. I am working, but i'm just not really motivated to go out with her right now. Plus i live in the city and she lives about 50 miles away so our schedules can't coordinate too easy. I don't want to discount someone just because they're not really my type romantically, but i feel obligated to give it a chance. I kind of get a little down on myself when girls i'm attracted to turn me down or act uninterested. I don't want to be the same way. I want to give everybody a chance and at least be a friend. I'm just not sure what to do. I tend to be a little superficial and think that if i discount someone, i'm missing out on getting to see a person as a real jewel on the inside. Plus, i think that's going to continue to give me bad luck with the women i'm actually after. Need thoughts on this pls! fetish
Pasttense Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Why not just take her to an event you would enjoy going to by yourself? A movie you want to see, a sporting event you like, your favorite local band...whatever?
snug.bunny Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Why would you want to flame a fire that doesn't exist? If you're not into her, don't go out with her.
Eddie Edirol Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I don't want to discount someone just because they're not really my type romantically, but i feel obligated to give it a chance. I kind of get a little down on myself when girls i'm attracted to turn me down or act uninterested. I don't want to be the same way. I want to give everybody a chance and at least be a friend. I'm just not sure what to do. I tend to be a little superficial and think that if i discount someone, i'm missing out on getting to see a person as a real jewel on the inside. Plus, i think that's going to continue to give me bad luck with the women i'm actually after. Need thoughts on this pls! fetish You do not date someone youre not 100% interested in. That is a waste of their time, and women get very attached to guys they like, so you could really break her heart in the process. Youre not obligated to go through with dating her just because you cant get where you want with the women of your standards. If you cant get past your lack of physical attraction now, you probably wont get past it down the line, so dont do it. Alot of women are real jewels on the inside, but when you dont want to see them naked, you wont treat them right. Trust me.
Author fetish1980 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 I have to admit, i'm really going by looks and i don't want to be so uptight and shallow to where luck has it that i can't get anyone. I think even ladies men go out with women they don't like in that way. fetish
Eddie Edirol Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I have to admit, i'm really going by looks and i don't want to be so uptight and shallow to where luck has it that i can't get anyone. I think even ladies men go out with women they don't like in that way. fetish No they dont, Ladies men sleep with women theyre not necessarily full yattracted to, but they dont date them. Only non attractive people dont go by looks because they cant do any better. But even when they do, they still have things they dont like about their partners, they just dont say it. Everyone else goes by looks first, personality second. Most people wont admit this, especially on this board, but thats the way it is naturally. So you can be as shallow as you want, as long as you can get what you really want and no one gets burned in the process.
Author fetish1980 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 You do not date someone youre not 100% interested in. That is a waste of their time, and women get very attached to guys they like, so you could really break her heart in the process. Youre not obligated to go through with dating her just because you cant get where you want with the women of your standards. If you cant get past your lack of physical attraction now, you probably wont get past it down the line, so dont do it. Alot of women are real jewels on the inside, but when you dont want to see them naked, you wont treat them right. Trust me. great advice. That last sentence holds so true. No they dont, Ladies men sleep with women theyre not necessarily full yattracted to, but they dont date them. Only non attractive people dont go by looks because they cant do any better. But even when they do, they still have things they dont like about their partners, they just dont say it. Everyone else goes by looks first, personality second. Most people wont admit this, especially on this board, but thats the way it is naturally. So you can be as shallow as you want, as long as you can get what you really want and no one gets burned in the process. that's basically what i was saying in my last post. I'm woried that shallowness might end up getting me burned though. lol. But its all apart of the game. fetish
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 No they dont, Ladies men sleep with women theyre not necessarily full yattracted to, but they dont date them. Only non attractive people dont go by looks because they cant do any better. But even when they do, they still have things they dont like about their partners, they just dont say it. Everyone else goes by looks first, personality second. Most people wont admit this, especially on this board, but thats the way it is naturally. So you can be as shallow as you want, as long as you can get what you really want and no one gets burned in the process. I am going to politely disagree. Perhaps the majority of people are into physique first (I really think you're simply projecting)... but then, explain the gorgeous women with men whom others call trolls? Many of those women could have their "pick" at "sexier men... so what gives? Two of my neighbors are otherwise... the guy is into extreme fitness/tanning/maintaining his looks while his wife, lovely lady that she is, is over-weight and does not wear make-up nor take care of her hair etc... and they are freaking happy as all can be together (as far as I can tell). Some of it is simply a matter of perspective. People often "read" way too deeply into physique and falsely construe things for better and for worse.
Eddie Edirol Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I am going to politely disagree. Perhaps the majority of people are into physique first (I really think you're simply projecting)... but then, explain the gorgeous women with men whom others call trolls? Many of those women could have their "pick" at "sexier men... so what gives? Two of my neighbors are otherwise... the guy is into extreme fitness/tanning/maintaining his looks while his wife, lovely lady that she is, is over-weight and does not wear make-up nor take care of her hair etc... and they are freaking happy as all can be together (as far as I can tell). Some of it is simply a matter of perspective. People often "read" way too deeply into physique and falsely construe things for better and for worse. Those women arent the majority. And I assume youre not counting the women that are with those men for the money and not actual love? There are women who settle for not so hot guys after the hot ones burned them. I also know a guy who has a great physique and extremely fit and his wife is a troll. I never asked him why, either he has a fetish, or he couldnt do any better, or maybe she is what she really wanted. But he isnt in the category of "most" people. Also, sometimes i get a lil worried about the woman Im seeing. Ive seen her exes, they make you go "oooff". I wonder if she likes not-so-good-looking guys, and if im in that category and dont know it. She could have settled for them, she could have been mentally inebriated at the time, I dont know. But I dont think Im projecting. People have to like what they see first to some degree. Doesnt have to be a models physique, but people have their preferences.
Author fetish1980 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 People have to like what they see first to some degree. Doesnt have to be a models physique, but people have their preferences. I agree with this. guys tend to be more for looks and women more for the way they make them feel. fetish
Shaun-Dro Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Alright, I have to admit that i'm very frustrated in the dating scene right now. I'm not getting to 3rd base with the girls that i'm after (attracted to). They either flake and disappear, or i have to drop them if i feel they're wasiting my time. I met this girl at this singles meetup about a month or so ago. I kind of charmed her and smiled at her. We talked about church and she mentioned she was trying to find a church home. I invited her to attend my church and we ended up exchanging numbers. However, i'm not physically attracted to her what so ever. She's plus size, a little tall, and while not ugly, she's not really what i consider attractive by my standards. I know she's interested in me like that because she told me over the phone. A few weeks ago, she called and we talked for over 2.5 hours. She's a cool person but she's gotten a little pushy lately. I've been having to work alot at my second job. She's invited me to go places, but our last phone conversation, she kind of indicated that she thought i was using "Work" as an excuse not to see her. I am working, but i'm just not really motivated to go out with her right now. Plus i live in the city and she lives about 50 miles away so our schedules can't coordinate too easy. I don't want to discount someone just because they're not really my type romantically, but i feel obligated to give it a chance. I kind of get a little down on myself when girls i'm attracted to turn me down or act uninterested. I don't want to be the same way. I want to give everybody a chance and at least be a friend. I'm just not sure what to do. I tend to be a little superficial and think that if i discount someone, i'm missing out on getting to see a person as a real jewel on the inside. Plus, i think that's going to continue to give me bad luck with the women i'm actually after. Need thoughts on this pls! fetish She can't be a jewel to you if you're not into her. She can, however, be a jewel to someone else. Back off from this woman by letting her know that you're not interested and be done because you're wasting our time here.
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) Those women arent the majority. And I assume youre not counting the women that are with those men for the money and not actual love? There are women who settle for not so hot guys after the hot ones burned them. I also know a guy who has a great physique and extremely fit and his wife is a troll. I never asked him why, either he has a fetish, or he couldnt do any better, or maybe she is what she really wanted. But he isnt in the category of "most" people. Also, sometimes i get a lil worried about the woman Im seeing. Ive seen her exes, they make you go "oooff". I wonder if she likes not-so-good-looking guys, and if im in that category and dont know it. She could have settled for them, she could have been mentally inebriated at the time, I dont know. But I dont think Im projecting. People have to like what they see first to some degree. Doesnt have to be a models physique, but people have their preferences. Hmm, I don't think I can think of it in terms of settling. Some people haven't developed the capacity to see beyond appearance, to know there can be a greater, vaster beauty beneath it. I do think there needs to be sexual attraction / chemistry, but I do not believe physique is the only thing that can generate such... nor that it is even paramount at doing so (it is certainly not for me at all). And, the best lover I've had is not the most physically attractive one I've been with --- but golly gee he's been the most capable of arousing me and he satisfies me like no man has before... :love: ... that is SO not settling... not to mention he treats me beautifully --- in my eyes, he is the most gorgeous man =P in others? Bah, people have given me crap --- "you could do better, what's wrong with you?" --- strictly based on our appearances --- but they do not have the capacity (currently) to know ... in your words, that I really can't =) =) =) He's absolutely the best to me, genuinely. Puts this idea of "good-looks" to shame in a myriad of ways anyway. I am thankful and think I'm the lucky one, despite what strangers and others say. It may take experience combined with decent logical skills to realize, especially for men... that "hotties" do not always equal happiness... but happiness can often equal hotness. People can "shed" their "shallowness" as they progress through their life... of course some never do... Some never really have it to begin with... (I've always needed far more stimulation... specifically intellectual... visual...? bah, it's not even special --- I get more out of a gorgeous waterfall than the sight of a "good-looking" human vessel, really... =P) Ultimately, "better" does not mean "physically hotter"... just saying. You don't have to believe me, but not everyone cares about the physique first and foremost... and do not perceive it as "settling" if they are not coupled with an extremely physically attractive person. I'd venture to guess that's how it is for my male neighbor... and perhaps your male friend / the guy you know of. Edited October 6, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I agree with this. guys tend to be more for looks and women more for the way they make them feel. fetish Of course you agree with it...
Sugarkane Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Fetish I think the title of this post says it all. Don't string her along.
oaks Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Need thoughts on this pls! I've lost track of what counts as "3rd base" since it's a few decades since I was in high school, but if you aren't physically attracted to her then you should probably tell her that you don't want to date her. The alternative is that you're dating her out of some sense of charity, which I'm sure she'll just love.
Author fetish1980 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 The alternative is that you're dating her out of some sense of charity, which I'm sure she'll just love. Maybe to a certain degree. I'm just trying to change and not discredit everyone as people just because they don't look up to my standards of what i consider attractive. If this girl had the same personality with looks at a 6 or 7, i would have probably been more eager. I know that chasing women based on their looks can lead to ending up with the wrong person, the same one who will break your heart and only put their needs before yours. Not trying to boast or brag, but i'm always told that i'm a good looking guy. I work out, eat right (for the most part), And if you see me in a suit, it's over (j/k). Maybe that's the irony, good looking people don't necessarily end up with the mates to match. Sorry if that sounds egocentric or cold. I'm in no way that kind of person fetish
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