Is it appropriate to ask someone who broke up with you to be your friend of Facebook?

[mittk]

So me and this girl broke up about 4 days ago. She broke it off, and we had a small discussion about it over the phone. I was hurt at the time, but am getting over it. She has no feelings for me anymore. The breakup was awkward initially, but there were no bad feelings in the end, and no animosity.

 

I am ok with it now.

 

We haven't had the "let's stay friends" conversation, but haven't left on bad terms either.

 

Is it appropriate for me to send her a friend request on Facebook? This might be percieved as me wanting to stalk her in some way, though I am more curious to see if she'd be interested in staying friends. I have no interest in bombarding her with messages or anything like that.

 

It's been four days - should I wait longer or is it ok to do it right away? Opinions?

[stillafool]

If you still have romantic feelings towards her the answer is NO. She broke up with you so don't go begging to be her friend. Move on.

[mittk]

It's weird, I see what you mean but I truly mean it from the point of view of staying socially connected. I have no interest in messaging her or anything, just giving her the heads up that I am open to not being strangers. We got along quite well socially and she knows that.

Is it really that bad?

[Pasttense]

You might wait a few weeks and then do it.

[Taramere]

I would feel awkward if somebody I'd just broken up with sent me a friends request. There just seems a bit too much of the forced bright 'n' cheery "I'm fine with it" about something like that. Honestly, it just seems a bit of a cheesy thing to do.

 

If you want to stay connected then I'm sure, unless you live at other sides of an enormous city, you'll probably bump into eachother from time to time.

[mittk]

I see what you mean. Thing is, we broke up on neutral ground and she doesn't hate my guts. Worst case I think she will roll her eyes and not accept. I don't know, there was nothing mean between us. We don't live in the same town.

Edited October 5, 2011 by mittk

[Taramere]

I see what you mean. Thing is, we broke up on neutral ground and she doesn't hate my guts. Worst case I think she will roll her eyes and not accept. I don't know, there was nothing mean between us. We don't live in the same town.

 

Well, just send her the friend request if you really want to - then put the matter out of your mind. If you're going to send it, it's maybe best to do it sooner rather than later. Doing it two months down the line might just make it seem like you've spent two months thinking about her..

[fatalcharm]

If you do decide to do it, I would do it sooner rather than later and just send her a message along with the request telling her that you know it's over, wish her all the best but would like to stay in touch.

 

Facebook is a great way of staying in touch with people without putting any effort in. I am friends with a couple ex's on facebook, who I broke up with. I have to admit that it had been a few years since I had seen them before they friend requested me. I was pleased that they did though, it was nice to hear from them and see that they were doing well. We briefly chat every now and then, just to catch up on what has been happening in our lives but it's nothing more than that. It's nice.

 

I would definately send her a message along with the request, just explaining how you would like to stay in touch. Keep it light-hearted and positive and chances are, she will add you.

[ffw]

So me and this girl broke up about 4 days ago. She broke it off, and we had a small discussion about it over the phone. I was hurt at the time, but am getting over it. She has no feelings for me anymore. The breakup was awkward initially, but there were no bad feelings in the end, and no animosity.

 

I am ok with it now.

 

We haven't had the "let's stay friends" conversation, but haven't left on bad terms either.

 

Is it appropriate for me to send her a friend request on Facebook? This might be percieved as me wanting to stalk her in some way, though I am more curious to see if she'd be interested in staying friends. I have no interest in bombarding her with messages or anything like that.

 

It's been four days - should I wait longer or is it ok to do it right away? Opinions?

 

Sure, you can ask for her facebook. If you dont mind seeing her photos with some random new guys.

[AHardDaysNight]

Not appropriate at all. Why would you even want to do that?

[kodax]

Ugh, I hate all the new rules of etiquette that have come along with social media.

[AHardDaysNight]

Well, would you telephone or knock on your ex's door?

 

This is pretty much the same thing, except over the internet. If you don't want to see anyone ever again, why would you want them on your Facebook? That is for friends/connections!

[make me believe]

Well, would you telephone or knock on your ex's door?

 

This is pretty much the same thing, except over the internet. If you don't want to see anyone ever again, why would you want them on your Facebook? That is for friends/connections!

 

Good analogy. I agree. IMO she will think you are trying to 'stalk' her. If you are interested in staying friends with her, then ask her if she wants to remain friends. But don't just randomly try to add her on facebook. It seems like too much.

[mittk]

I see the side of the argument about it appearing 'too much."

She might very well think that, but she might not. I am looking at it this way: if we were to ever bump into each other in a bar, we'd be friendly about it, and likely even socialize. I don't think there is any shaky ground between us insofar as her thinking she is disgusted by me - emotionally it just didn't work out for us. Socially we were fine.

 

I also think sending a message along with the request is the right thing to do. No hard feelings should she wish to ignore the request.

[thatcatlady67]

It isn't a problem for me. Both ex-husbands and several past bf's / flings are on my friend list. Most of these relationships happened in another lifetime, and I could care less what any of them think. In fact, I think it's damn funny! I use facebook to keep track of my kids and family members, very seldom do I go visible to chat.

 

One guy, who dumped me last year, is still on my page. I unfriended him, rebounded with someone else, and then got over it. This guy is still on my page, and we chat every once in a while. It was hard to deal with at first, but everything eventually settled down. A month after he dumped me, he met this other girl. Big shocker there she dumped him.. I am guilty of thinking, karma is a bithc, ain't she?

 

In your case, why it is far too soon to stay in touch via social media. Back away gracefully. There are other ways to stay in touch with the other friends in your social circle I would give it some time, then attempt to be friends.

[oaks]

So me and this girl broke up about 4 days ago.

 

You were only dating her, for a few weeks, for 6 or so dates, and you weren't in a relationship. (Assuming it's the same girl as other recent threads.) I doubt that she wants to be friends on Facebook, but what's the worst that could happen? (Well, a restraining order, perhaps, but that seems unlikely.)