eleanorhurting Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I am supposed to be studyign for atest and i got tired of the situation and started drinking. Ever since this morning I have been so angry. My ex yesterday propositioned sex. I turned him down. Almost 1 year ago I did something horrible. I cheated on a boyfriend. I told him right away and it has been one of the worst thigns i have done in my life. I felt tremendous guilt and I resolutioned to change. I decided to become a good person, a person who would never do anyone harm. a Person who is honest and genuine. I felt this was the only way something good could come of the horrible ting I did and what happened? I have gotten walked all over by people. I am pretty so I think i attract people. But somehow all these people I guess see this really fragile person who is sincerely tring to be good and they all see me as an easy prey. an easy prey to hit on and try to have sex with and then want nothing to do with them. I even dated somoene for 4 months and although i made many mistakes (like being too eager) he ultimately just wanted to have sex with me (he still suggests it every now and then). I know its karma but... why? I really am trying to be a good person and now all i have is all this anger. I really tried to make the best of what happened. Maybe this is a lesson i had to learn the very, very hard way? That if you give people a chance, they ultimately will treat you like crap?
Author eleanorhurting Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 its hard to stay NC with someone who is there all the time and who you go to school with and have mutual friends with. I have failed horribly. I talked to him and told him that if he estill cares about me as a friend to please please stop calling me stop texting me and just help me by staying out of my way as mucha s possible. He acted hurt (acted because I sincerely doubt he cares). I am going back home on friday and will be home for 2 months (we are boht doing our medical rotations 2 hours away from home). He said he respected my wishes and asked me to get a ride with him back home tomorrow so we could "hang out for the last time". I feel like this is a huge breadcrumb. Especially after he texted me that I looked really beautiful yesterday and that he wanted to have sex with me if i wanted. I guess the reason why im angry is because im finally realizing what this guy and everyone else who has approached me in the last year is all about. I wish i were stronger about NC and i wouldnt have had to ask him directly to stop contacting me because I cant go longer than 3-4 days without falling for his breadcrumbs (which he initiates bc he obviously wants an ego boost or sex) or running into him at the hospital. But the fact that he asked me to have sex with him after I told him that the best thing for us to do right now would be to stop talking altogether???!?!? Ugh I think he asked me to ride with him back home tomorrow (we both have to go home to take our test on friay) so he could try to get some in between.
BLuvv Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 You have every right to be angry and you should be angry. And don't feel bad, everyone makes mistakes, the difference though from a lot of people is you want to be better and not make the same mistake. And that mistake does not mean you deserve to be treated poorly. You're human. And you obviously have morals and values and must be smart, heck you're in med school!!! So don't let people treat you as less when you deserve more. Stand your ground and tell the @ss where he can shove it. And let that anger motivate you. (I'm all wishing I was more angry, when I'm sad I'm more likely to cave). Trust me I've been there, treated like less than I deserved, and it sucks to feel used, but the only thing you can do is to stand up for yourself and not let it happen again. Besides you have much more important things, like your degree and your whole future to worry about than this guy.
Author eleanorhurting Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 please remind me that i should most definitely say no to the ride tomorrow
BLuvv Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 please remind me that i should most definitely say no to the ride tomorrow Definitely don't ride with him!! Just remember you deserve sooo much better than this!! Putting up with him only takes you farther from what you want!! Wishing you luck! Stay strong! B
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