StellaA Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Can't stand the thought of my ex growing old with someone else. Just found out a family member is getting married, first event i won't be going to
Mar1neOne Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Can't stand the thought of my ex growing old with someone else. Just found out a family member is getting married, first event i won't be going to I'm right there with ya.
carhill Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 OP, can you explain the connection between the man who broke up with you and the marriage of a family member? I'm not seeing the connection. One potential is that the wedding will remind you of what you won't have with your former partner and that is painful. If so, yeah, sure, but then consider who this loved one is too you. What positives they've brought to your life. Consider, at least for one day, focusing on that. It will pass. From a quick scan of your past threads, it doesn't sound like he 'replaced' you, rather had issues which made him an unhealthy partner. Is this incorrect? If not, then it is bad timing or current incompatibility and really neither of your 'fault'. I'd reconsider not going to the wedding. The future starts today.
Author StellaA Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Hi carhi, i'm not going to the wedding. His mum mentioned a member of their family was getting married and would let me know the date.why? i woukd not be going as much as i got on with his family, i'm not part of his family anymore which is sad. I don't think he wants to replace me....just tough thinking one day he will.
carhill Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Thanks for the clarification; it was a member of *his* family. Makes better sense now. TBH, I wouldn't have given that dynamic a second thought, meaning never considered the wedding as a potential, but I can say I'd likely go to (and probably will) my exW's mother's funeral when she passes simply because we spent so many years and good times together, even though my exW has already 'replaced' me. Each situation is different. I wish you well in your healing.
Author StellaA Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Thanks. Carhill. I am the same, i have thought about funerals as i was close to.his family which makes things tough
Mar1neOne Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 What is your story mar1neone? You mean about my breakup?
Buttercup84 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Go to the wedding Hun . Don't let him ruin your life . I went to a wedding a few weeks ago , it was hard but I had fun in the end . I also saw what a healthy relationship should look like. the thought of my ex growing old with someone else kills. But how are we to know that ? They might never find someone , or be with someone till the end . Concentrate on your own life now as hard as it is , I will try that too .
Author StellaA Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Yeah, how long were u in your relationship and the break up? thanks buttercup...i prob wont go as it is his family and will be weird not being able to be part of the family with my ex introducing me as his gf. He used to make me feel like the most special person. I knew him so well...he said he will always love me. I dont want him to be with anypne else
Mar1neOne Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Yeah, how long were u in your relationship and the break up? thanks buttercup...i prob wont go as it is his family and will be weird not being able to be part of the family with my ex introducing me as his gf. He used to make me feel like the most special person. I knew him so well...he said he will always love me. I dont want him to be with anypne else I married in 1998 and had 12 wonderful years of marriage. I had a very loving and caring wife and mother. In September of 2009 she was diagnosed as bi-polar and put on an anti-psychotic medication. In January of 2010 she found a guy she went out on a date with once in junior high school. Within two days she left me. Within a couple of months he had left his wife and they got married. Of course she blew me and the kids completely off to be with this guy. The following November she called me and asked me to help her get off the medication and I let her come back. She went into the hospital and was there for a couple of weeks trying to get better. Me and the kids were there for every single visitation every single day. When she got out she went back to the other guy. A month later she asked to come back again. I let her again. She let me know a lot of sorted details of things that she had done since she had started taking the meds.(sexual things with other men) I forgave all of it, because I had done a lot of reading about being bi-polar and the sexual mania that could occur. I had also read a lot about the drug she was prescribed and how it could cause it. Over the last 10 months I have taken care of her during multiple trips to the hospital. I have done soooo freaking much to help her. It seemed over the last several months that she was getting better. It seemed as though our relationship was healing and that we would be together for a long time. Then about 4 weeks ago she changed how she was doing her meds, and I don't mean on doctors advice. A week later she left me again. A couple of days later I heard she was in bars meeting guys. She has started taking very seductive pictures of herself and sending them to me and other men. Basically very destructive behavior. I have cut off all contact with her since late last Friday afternoon. She has tried text'ing me to get me to talk. She doesn't understand why I don't want to talk with her. It's really bizarre. But, I am not going to be there for her anymore. It's not fair. I love her. I always will, but I feel beat up now. I can't take her back again after she is sleeping with other men again. Disease or no disease I don't care. She doesn't get to do this to me and also get to have me as her friend, or lover, or friend with benefits. She needs to get these things from the trash she is seeing. And in my opinion I am much better than these guys. I have a great job. I make great money. I am in great shape. I am in better shape than the 26 year old boys she is seeing. And in my opinion they are using her. They are using her for sex and they will eventually dump her. She is an older woman, who doesn't have a job and won't get one. No 26 year old wants to support an older woman no matter how good looking she is. Well, at least in my opinion. (I was 26 once) Someday she is gonna come back just like she did the last time and this time I won't be there for her. Never again... Sorry for the rant, but I am having a bad evening and this helped... haha
PositiveNegative Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Mar1ne, you sound like you have a great outlook. I'm sorry all that had to happen to you! Can't stand the thought of my ex growing old with someone else. Just found out a family member is getting married, first event i won't be going to A mere two months before she broke with me my ex sent me a picture of an older couple she saw holding hands. In the text she said "Can this be us when we're older?". I loved that text. I don't think I'll ever understand how feelings can change that fast.
Author StellaA Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 PositiveNegative - what happened with you? were you together a while? Mar1neOne - That is a sad story, but you sound like a good guy who will get through this. My ex has bipolar, I spent 2 weeks lookign after him in hospital and when he came out but after a few weeks he finished it with me. He said he loved me but could not give me what I wanted right now (this is after 6 years together) I miss him so much but know he has to do his own thing right now, so far he has not come back to me or asked us to get back together, I don't think he will. People say people with bipolar come back but it has been 3 months now. Stay strong you sound like you will get through this, I'm hoping I will do the same!
TheDovic Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I find things like these very difficult to deal with. It's almost as if reality is hitting you once again that life is moving on and you are not together. So I'm sorry you're going through this. It must really suck!
Mar1neOne Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 PositiveNegative - what happened with you? were you together a while? Mar1neOne - That is a sad story, but you sound like a good guy who will get through this. My ex has bipolar, I spent 2 weeks lookign after him in hospital and when he came out but after a few weeks he finished it with me. He said he loved me but could not give me what I wanted right now (this is after 6 years together) I miss him so much but know he has to do his own thing right now, so far he has not come back to me or asked us to get back together, I don't think he will. People say people with bipolar come back but it has been 3 months now. Stay strong you sound like you will get through this, I'm hoping I will do the same! They do always come back.. She always does anyway. I guess she has this idea she is gonna find someone/something better, but in reality I have been pretty great. Her and I were pretty great together. She will always know that in the back of her mind. She gets into relationships that will never work either because she chooses younger or married men, or she never tells them she is bi-polar and at some point it smacks them in the face. Bi-polar people like her are destructive. It's why I can't let her back this time. Well, besides the fact that I am pissed that she is sleeping around!!!
Author StellaA Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Yeah, I can see why you wouldn't want her back. I think I wouldn't be able to take my ex back if he slept with somone else. At the moment I still love him but that would def stop me! To be honest it sounds like you have given her a lot of chances anyway and you have to live a life 2! You deserve to be happy aswell. I don't know whether my ex will return? do I want him 2? I miss him so much but don't miss the worry. He has never returned to any of his ex's so not sure whether he would return to me. I need to think like he is not coming back and hope I get through this. He does not take medication, I don't know how you know for sure whether they have bipolar or just need a way out.
lonelynyc Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 It's inevitable, when it's over it's over. Don't remember all the plans for the future because if your ex wasn't interested in trying to make it work, the plans were always fiction. You will grow old with someone else too and that person will care infinitely more than the ex that bailed when the going got rough.
Author StellaA Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Very true...........I do want to be with someone who wants to be with me and will be strong through the bad times. I just need to get the images out of my head about all the future plans
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