nikkinicole36 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 In June of 2010 my fiance broke up. I was devestated for a long time about the breakup since he used an arguement as an excuse to end our relationship. His family and friends were just as baffled as I was. He a couple month or so later jumped into a new relationship with someone new. I have been in counseling this last 16 months working hard to continue to move forward with my life. Outside of 3 times contacting my ex to try to get him to at least rationally talk to me about everything I let it go. The last and final time I have spoken to my ex was in January of this year. Fast forward to about a week or so ago, I am at the pier waiting for some friends for a bike ride. I see my ex and his current girlfriend and her two kids there. My ex saw me, he nodded, I nodded back and that was that. I left and went about my day. I never went over or tried to have a conversation with him or interrupt their family situation. Me seeing them there was by pure chance. This Monday past I get an email message on facebook from my ex's current girlfriend threatening me to stay away from my ex and his family. I am completely floored as I have no idea where the hell all of this drama from this girl is coming from. She threatened to deal with me if I continue to be friends with his family or pop up near or around their house since they now live together. All of this stuff is absolutely new to me. I am still friends with his family but my contact with them is so very limited and has been limited to an occassional phone call to his mom every 4 or 5 months to see how she's doing, and a facebook hello to his brothers here and there. I spoke to my ex's mom and explained the situation to her and she was livid. She was upset that I was being dragged into something and being painted as some stalking ex, when she knew for a fact that I'd taken the high road throughout this entire situation. I am livid because I have worked so hard to move forward with my life despite the ****ty way my ex decided to end our relationship. I feel like I am missing something here? Why is this girl going out of her way to even bother me. It's been 10 months since I've had contact with my ex and had been 5 months since I'd spoken to his family. His mom told me then that they were happy and had moved in together and are now in the process of buyiing a house. That's all wonderful, but I know my ex. He has a pattern of bailing on a relationship just as it gets to commitment. He bailed on me in the middle of our wedding plans and he bailed on his ex before me in a somewhat similar pattern. What the hell am I missing here? I feel like I stepped into the twillight zone when I received her email. Why is this woman harassessing me for no reason? I have not given her cause to be concerned. As far as I knew she didn't know who I was and I'd preferred to keep it that way. Once more my profile on facebook is so airtight restricted I can't even be found on it. She litterally had to go through Fort Knox to even find me to send me that email, what the hell?
2sure Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I am livid because I have worked so hard to move forward with my life despite the ****ty way my ex decided to end our relationship. I feel like I am missing something here? . His mom told me then that they were happy and had moved in together and are now in the process of buyiing a house. That's all wonderful, but I know my ex. He has a pattern of bailing on a relationship just as it gets to commitment. He bailed on me in the middle of our wedding plans and he bailed on his ex before me in a somewhat similar pattern. What the hell am I missing here? I feel like I stepped into the twillight zone when I received her email. Why is this woman harassessing me for no reason? I have not given her cause to be concerned. As far as I knew she didn't know who I was and I'd preferred to keep it that way. Once more my profile on facebook is so airtight restricted I can't even be found on it. She litterally had to go through Fort Knox to even find me to send me that email, what the hell? Think about it for a moment from her perspective. Your ex broke up with you 2.5 years ago..while in the midst of planning a wedding with you. Thats harsh. Who knows what he has told her about you, especially since you mention he used excuses to break up with you. His new GF has been with him nearly since you broke up and probably wonders why on earth you would contnue to contact ANY one involved in that so long after the fact. As nice as our exes families may be, when the relationship ends (especially one w/o children)...that relationship ends as well. If you had parted amicably, it might be one thing but you did not. His family has by now formed a relationship with this new woman. As hard as it may be to hear - They are No Doubt telling her when you call or message them. Thats why she is upset. His mom told you they are happy in an effort to simply be honest with you and help you move forward. Has his family been calling and messaging you or has it only been you reaching out to them? Also, given the circumstances that you describe of your break up with him and his previous break up...maybe his new GF has been given reason to feel threatened. Thats her problem and his problem...it certainly should not involve you. You do need to unfriend his brothers, not send any messages and stop calling his mom.
Author nikkinicole36 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Actually we only broke up 16 months ago. His family has made a point of keeping in touch it has not just been on my part. I do not visit them or hang out with them besides the occassional hello. The ony reason I didn't cut contact with them was because they made it clear that they wished to keep in contact despite my ex, since my friendship with them was seperate. I out of respect have severely limited that contact to make sure it wouldn't be an issue. His mother told me that they do not tell her about any contact they make with me. My ex was the one responsible for letting her know that, as well as letting her know that he saw me that day at the pier. She wasn't even aware of my presence that day. As a matter of fact the family does even have a relationship with her, but that has nothing to do with me.
BLuvv Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I honestly think the issue is this girl feels insecure in the relationship and she is threatened by you, even if she has no reason to be. If your ex could be so shallow to dump his fiance over one argument, then it's likely he still is that same shallow person and he is likely to behave that way again. You are lucky to be out of that situation and really dodged a bullet. But she's trying to make a life with this guy. It's also possible that he made you out to be the bad guy in the relationship to his new gf and so she has a very biased perception of you- because of course, he wouldn't want to project a bad image of himself to his new gf. Try not to let it get to you. I don't see the harm in occasionally talking to his family, as long as it's not all the time. I think it has more to do with her insecurities than anything you did, because like you said you don't even know the girl. Just ignore her and don't respond.
flitzanu Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 i'd even guess that his current psycho girlfriend is cheating on him. insecurity that deep usually means they vie for attention from everywhere, and starting drama with you like that...well...i'd think that poor girl has some esteem issues.
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