ConfusedT Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 So its been crazy! I have neglected my LS family. I am so sorry. I need to come back and read some of the things I was following initially, because I am back to square 1. Literally, we are talking again & I know how unhealthy it is, yet for some reason, I can’t let go.. we didn’t speak for almost 1.5-2 months & then a chance encounter has us talking again, even though he is with his ex still. We talk every few days, *hang out* (yes i know) & it’s like I know its bad for me, but how do I stop when he is everything I want, but is the worst thing for me, the WORST! =( so toxic! Please help!!!!!
TheDovic Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Does his gf know he's spending time with you? How is he acting when you are together? i.e. as a friend or does it feel like more? I'm not sure what to do because I'm still trying desperately to get over my ex, but if you really want to forget him the first step as you know is to comepletely cut contact again. I'm a hypocrite for saying this because I haven't been brave enough to do this yet! I'm also using Paul McKenna's "I can mend your broken heart" book (well I've read the book twice but I'm listening to the cd everyday and I think it's really helping reduce the feelings I have for my ex... maybe it could work for you too)
Author ConfusedT Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 nope, his girlfriend doesnt know he is hanging out with me, just like i didnt know he was hanging out with her.. its a vicious cycle. i was doing so well and then seein him one time after months sent me off the handle. um, let's just say we are not acting like friends when we see each other, if you catch my drift... i think the only way is to cut him off, but how do i do it again? i dont have any more strength left, at least any that i can find inside.. have you had NC or just LC? we are LC, but still sleeping together and yes, he has a girlfriend and yes, i changed from the GF to the other woman. OMG, please dont bash me!!!!!!!!! =(
TheDovic Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 nope, his girlfriend doesnt know he is hanging out with me, just like i didnt know he was hanging out with her.. its a vicious cycle. i was doing so well and then seein him one time after months sent me off the handle. um, let's just say we are not acting like friends when we see each other, if you catch my drift... i think the only way is to cut him off, but how do i do it again? i dont have any more strength left, at least any that i can find inside.. have you had NC or just LC? we are LC, but still sleeping together and yes, he has a girlfriend and yes, i changed from the GF to the other woman. OMG, please dont bash me!!!!!!!!! =( I've no intention of doing anything to hurt you more than you already are. I know how difficult it is after a breakup! So there's positives and negatives here. POSITIVE: He still likes you so there's hope for you BUT!!! NEGATIVE: He's a player and he will do this to you again. This guy is seriously having his cake and eating it. I wish I could give you a magic answer but the best I have to get over him is nc, vent on this site and read the right books. I have to recommend Paul McKenna's "I can mend your broken heart." This book is good but it comes with a free hypnosis cd and I think it's really helping me. In fact I'd listened to it for a few weeks and my feelings towards my ex had started to fade, so I stopped listening and I started to miss her again, so I'm going back to listening to it once a day! Brilliant reviews on Amazon too so definitely worth a listen
Author ConfusedT Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 I might have to listen to that CD, god knows i need it bad. he likes me, but doesn't want to be in a "real relationship". he wants to have his cake and eat it too and i swore i would never be the other girl, but i guess different situations reflect different perspectives! i read a quote somewhere that said: the biggest mistake is thinking that the person who hurt you the MOST, won't hurt you again. i am not in denial regarding that, i know that there is a possibility that i will get hurt all over again, but to me (with my lack of self-esteem and respect, im assuming) believes the time with him, regardless of how non-pc it is, is worth it. how long did it take to stop losing feelings? i dont know if i can anymore.. i have no self-belief. i think i need therapy.....
BLuvv Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 @ConfusedT: I'm right there with you. It took me a year of being his "friend with benefits" after we broke up to finally find the strength to go NC. It's likely it's our own low self-esteem that got us into these situations. So more than anything you need to work on yourself, but hanging out with the ex only makes things worse. It's hard, but try to stick with nc as much as possible. There were times I honestly tried this past year but went back, but this time I feel it's different. You are doing this for yourself and so that you can have a good relationship in the future. I'm seeing a psychiatrist for my anxiety and depression and I finally found a dr I think will be able to help me! It takes time though, so be patient, and don't expect overnight change or perfection. We all make mistakes, but just get up, dust yourself off and keep going. You'll get there! I also ordered a bunch of books from Amazon and hopefully they should get here today! Reading books I think is good because it helps shift your mind on working on moving on! I read "It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken" when I had my first serious breakup and it helped me a lot. This time for some reason, not so much? But there are plenty of good books out there and you can find one that piques your interest.
TheDovic Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I might have to listen to that CD, god knows i need it bad. he likes me, but doesn't want to be in a "real relationship". he wants to have his cake and eat it too and i swore i would never be the other girl, but i guess different situations reflect different perspectives! i read a quote somewhere that said: the biggest mistake is thinking that the person who hurt you the MOST, won't hurt you again. i am not in denial regarding that, i know that there is a possibility that i will get hurt all over again, but to me (with my lack of self-esteem and respect, im assuming) believes the time with him, regardless of how non-pc it is, is worth it. how long did it take to stop losing feelings? i dont know if i can anymore.. i have no self-belief. i think i need therapy..... I honestly don't know how long we'll feel this way, but I do know the more we try to stop the more we actually cave in to it. For example, try not to think about a pink elephant right now!!! You can't, right? The more you try to stop thinking about it the more you're going to. Same with relationships! OK, so try the cd. I'm still sad but it's nowhere near as bad as it was i.e. if I was feeling 100% sad and missing her before the cd, I'm at about 40/50% now. Plus when things get really bad I put it on and it immediately makes me feel better. I think everyone on this site should have this cd as anything that can help us through this **** time can only be a good thing
geegirl Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 nope, his girlfriend doesnt know he is hanging out with me, just like i didnt know he was hanging out with her.. its a vicious cycle. i was doing so well and then seein him one time after months sent me off the handle. um, let's just say we are not acting like friends when we see each other, if you catch my drift... i think the only way is to cut him off, but how do i do it again? i dont have any more strength left, at least any that i can find inside.. have you had NC or just LC? we are LC, but still sleeping together and yes, he has a girlfriend and yes, i changed from the GF to the other woman. OMG, please dont bash me!!!!!!!!! =( This guy sure has it made. Two women at his feet. One full time. And one on LC but giving him the pleasure of sex. Isn't that great, yes great, for HIM. Good god. Where is your self-respect? You're settling for almost no contact and sex with him. Because you know it's just sex for him, right? What about yourself do you not value? Do you think when he sleeps with you he is doing it out of love? When someone loves you, they don't give you LC and the perennial goodie, sex. Do you know that YOU have just demoted yourself from any possibility of anything with this man because you have just shown him that you will go to any level to be with him. Do you believe he sees you with respect CT? No. You've shown him that you will disrespect yourself to respect his needs. If he is disrespecting his girlfriend this way, how do you think he views you? Just because he is sleeping with you does not mean that he is into you and see you as different from the rest. He sees you as someone who will lay down for him no matter how little he gives you. I am sorry I am being so harsh but you're literally beating yourself up with a stick and saying you can't help yourself. What about him sleeping with his girlfriend while he is sleeping with you, isn't disturbing to you in the least bit? Stop saying it's toxic but you don't know what to do. You know what to do. You should have more strength to remove yourself from the situation than investing what you currently have in him and this toxic situation. If you have the strength to suffer this with him, then you have the strength to say enough.
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