chucksagent Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I will get down to brass tacks... My girlfriend and I are very serious - we live together, discuss marriage, have combined finances, love eachothers friends and families, etc. Lately though, I've noticed we NEVER have enough time for ANYTHING. Because of our large network of friends and tight knit families, we are ALWAYS being asked to do things. This is taking a toll not only on our finances but our sanity. I am the kind of guy who NEEDS downtime to relax and enjoy the things important to me. I NEED that relaxation time. Also, now that it's football season, I LOVE to watch football. And my girlfriend claimed she loved to watch football during our entire courtship as well. I got the NFL package, I have a 73 inch TV, and we will have had friends/family over for games every week this season so far. This Sunday her best friend is having her babies christening. We just found out about it today. Wouldn't you think your BEST FRIEND would give you more of a heads up? Because two days ago we made plans with my aunt and uncle we BARELY see to go to brunch. They are really looking forward to seeing us. They both work weird schedules so it's hard to get times that all of us can get together like this Sunday. THEN, on top of that, my GIRLFRIENDS aunt and uncle text her (also today) and ask her to lunch this Sunday because they are going back to Miami on the 19th (2 weeks from now). We just had lunch with them 2 weeks ago mind you. Last week we went to a family tradition of hers that happens every year, once a year, which was great and we did have a lot of fun. But I just feel like A.) Her family takes priority ALWAYS, B.) She REFUSES to miss her family stuff for my family stuff (even though I've missed my family stuff for her family stuff.) What's amazing is that my girlfriend is the LEAST selfish person I know. She is just VERY prone to doing whatever her family says. Luckily, for me, her family is AMAZING and the furthest people from controlling, manilpulative, or bad. They are HONESTLY amazing people. I love going out with them. I just feel bad when my family gets slighted. But my point is she is afraid to even ASK them for a different day or time and knowing them they would HAPPILY do everything to accomodate once and a while - they are very good and reasonable people. It's just that my girlfriend REFUSES to ask them. I just feel like every weekend it's something that "we can't miss!" Baby showers, christenings, birthdays, family traditions, lunches, dinners, etc." And top of it all, my girlfriend has missed a LOT of football she loves for silly things like "Italian Festival with her sister" and "shopping with a friend." Meanwhile her nephew (who I love) is at the house watching football with me and the guys. Which is totally cool because I love the kid and would do anything for him, but the 9 year old is more dedicated to football than she is! Why tell me you love it and then not even care about it?!? ALWAYS an excuse to miss it. And that ain't love. How can I get through to her on us needing to make time for ourselves? She doesn't seem to want to listen. Because we've talked about it and every time it's "next week we will lay low and relax." And next weekend never comes...Lol.
Author chucksagent Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 141 view and no replies?!? Come on guys!!! Lol.
Phantom24 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 The first thing I examine is how much of what your girlfriend is doing is really what she wants to do. My gut feeling is that if it really was something she minded, she'd take a stand at some point. Relaxing and spending time together is crucial. I am a huge football fan and would be miserable if I couldn't watch games with my friends on Sunday. One tactic I employed was to get my wife involved in a cheap (or even free, girls don't need $$ on the line to be interested) fantasy football league. We play in a couples league and it is so cute seeing her take an interest in players in the league. She gets involved in the games and it is incredibly sexy when she talks to me about it. If she geniunely has a problem then you might want to suggest she try to set a schedule and stick to it. If she already has other things planned then she might feel equally bad about breaking an committment to accomodate other plans.
Tayla Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 My son and his wife remind me of you two! They started early though in setting the ground rules. One weekend a month is couples weekend. Their time and no one elses. They make it clear way in advance that should an invitation arise they will be "unavailable". Friends have been ever so supportive of this idea and regard it. As the Mother of a wonderful son and daughter in law , I must say I admire them for Keeping their relationship lively. Anyone who is close to them understands that without them having that healthy "we" time, THey would be less amicable to tend to family or friends. Its wonderful for them and simply a suggestion to consider. At some point ( and make it soon) you simply must place things in priority for this relationship to endure in the long run.
Nic26 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I don't think there's a lot you can do chucksagent, other than sit down and talk about it open and honestly with your girlfriend. Which you sound like you have done already. Why not explain that you can absolutely not carry on the way things are as you feel it's having a negative impact on the relationship. Maybe make some dates with her for just the two of you. Come up with a couple of (cheap) surprises so she'd have to cancel with you to say yes to someone else's invite. And keeping one weekend a month free for just the two of you sounds like a great idea
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