mike588 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Hello, We all know the purpose of No Contact is to help us dumpees heal and it's not intended to bring your ex. back. Question: Has anyone had their ex. come back to them or at least contact them wondering what they are up to or question why you've vanished by following this rule?
Mack05 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 You do NC to heal, not with the expectation of getting your ex back.
TheDovic Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I've been on this site for two and a half months and have only seen one ex coming back because of nc. I've seen lots contacting their ex though when dumpees go nc (actually in most cases)! However it rarely leads anywhere and I don't see too many ex's returning. The main purpose as Mack said is to heal yourself and ironically this is probably the best thing you can do if you want your ex back because they don't want a needy person chasing them!
ConfusedT Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 mine returned in a weird way, but it is exactly the same as before, we are both the same people unfortunately and if we didnt work out before, we arent going to work out now. toxic relationship at its best. i am working through my issues of moving on, but it is so hard when your love outweighs your logic. NC is used to heal the person, not fix the relationship. If two people are meant to be together, NC will make NO DIFFERENCE in the inevitable outcome of the situation... i did NC for like approx. 2 months, it was one of the hardest things i ever, ever had to do. letting go of something you've always wanted (NO MATTER HOW BAD IT IS FOR YOU) is hard, but i felt empowered during that time, but now i feel weak, but im happy because he is in my life. its a constant struggle..
Author mike588 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 (edited) mine returned in a weird way, but it is exactly the same as before, we are both the same people unfortunately and if we didnt work out before, we arent going to work out now. toxic relationship at its best. i am working through my issues of moving on, but it is so hard when your love outweighs your logic. NC is used to heal the person, not fix the relationship. If two people are meant to be together, NC will make NO DIFFERENCE in the inevitable outcome of the situation... i did NC for like approx. 2 months, it was one of the hardest things i ever, ever had to do. letting go of something you've always wanted (NO MATTER HOW BAD IT IS FOR YOU) is hard, but i felt empowered during that time, but now i feel weak, but im happy because he is in my life. its a constant struggle.. Thanks ConfusedT. Yes I do know the purpose of no contact and am so glad I've followed it. I've come along ways because of it. I often wonder (but I should'nt) if my now ex,, (you know my story,) was just chasing her feelings which outweighed her logic? As I've said before I DO KNOW that it will NEVER work if,, if she came back but I still want the satisfaction if she tried. I would like to see her wearing the look I once wore. Edited October 5, 2011 by mike588
Rorschach64 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 By doing NC I have learned a lot, especially from these forums and its citizens, which I am so very thankful for! Plus the obvious healing I have done. Has 4 months of NC got my ex-fiancee back? Nope.
ConfusedT Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 i dont think any NC will get someone back if they don't want to be there. NC brought me such a long way too, but if you don't hold on to the strength you build while you are doing it, you will fall right back into the trap. <~ me. i would love for him to know the pain i felt, but thats not the reality of the situation. most relationships have one person who cares more, wants more & more than likely, deserves more, but sometimes, you overlook whats important for what matters. i hope you find happiness, whether that be with her (unlikely =(...) or with someone else, but mostly yourself, because I am NOT THERE YET, but i sure as hell need to find it! 1
arbrne_vet Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I agree with most. NC is for yourself. the ONLY way NC should be broken, is if they are beating down your door, telling you how sorry they are, and they want to make it work. Breaking NC for ANY other reason, is just asking for another ambush. you willing to take that risk?
ccnaboy2000 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Yes and No... When my ex started to get the Gigs 6 months in to our 1.5yr relationship I went NC and 2 weeks later she came back. This last round I went NC for the first couple weeks until she showed up at my door because I was making her miss me with NC.. 2 days later she got a new boyfriend. I broke no contact to wish her well in her new relationship and let her know I wasn't mad and stopped contact. If she contacts me I will respond albiet I will make it short and brief, maybe blow her off because I have fun things to do. And granted I have been doing a lot more fun things now, so doubt it would be a lie. We'll see how it goes.
redblack66 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 You can see from one of my threads I was a rebound. However, things worked very well until she decided to go back to last boyfriend. I have been NC for 5 days now. Very likely she will not come back, but I have this feeling that she might. She cannot point a finger on anything bad I have done, because I have not.
lalalandman Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 NC is for moving on. Once a relationship is broken, usually it cannot be mended. There is a small window of opportunity right after a breakup but beyond that, there usually is no return. The dumper may find themselves popping in from time to time to rehash old memories, but that's just they're way of moving on, just as the dumpees have their way of moving on (usually NC). At the same time, if you want a chance of reconciliation down the road, NC is the best option to take. That's why it is a win-win. But honestly, why would you take someone back who so easily tosses you aside? There's almost a gaurantee it would happen again.
TheDovic Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 NC is for moving on. Once a relationship is broken, usually it cannot be mended. There is a small window of opportunity right after a breakup but beyond that, there usually is no return. The dumper may find themselves popping in from time to time to rehash old memories, but that's just they're way of moving on, just as the dumpees have their way of moving on (usually NC). At the same time, if you want a chance of reconciliation down the road, NC is the best option to take. That's why it is a win-win. But honestly, why would you take someone back who so easily tosses you aside? There's almost a gaurantee it would happen again. Good post!
Author mike588 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 You can see from one of my threads I was a rebound. However, things worked very well until she decided to go back to last boyfriend. I have been NC for 5 days now. Very likely she will not come back, but I have this feeling that she might. She cannot point a finger on anything bad I have done, because I have not. Yep I'm like you. She can't point a finger on anything bad I did also. Nothing! That's why sometimes I wonder that after her 2nd, maybe 3rd time back with her ex. now and if it doesn't work again will she remember how well she was treated and /or want to come back to something she was comfortable with (me). I've said before that the only reason,, and I mean only reason I want her to try to contact/get back together is the satisfaction I'll get by saying ,,, NO!!! My ex wife 15 yrs. ago left me then tried to come back 6 months later and saying NO made me feel so good and justified all my hurt I went thru.
Rorschach64 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 NC is for moving on. Once a relationship is broken, usually it cannot be mended. There is a small window of opportunity right after a breakup but beyond that, there usually is no return. The dumper may find themselves popping in from time to time to rehash old memories, but that's just they're way of moving on, just as the dumpees have their way of moving on (usually NC). At the same time, if you want a chance of reconciliation down the road, NC is the best option to take. That's why it is a win-win. But honestly, why would you take someone back who so easily tosses you aside? There's almost a gaurantee it would happen again. See it comes back down to actually LEARNING from what happened during the old relationship and coming to a mutual understanding when you sit down with your ex about coming back. Communication and effort, if you just let your ex come on back no apology or without discussing what occured during the last relationship then it will fail.
redblack66 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Yep I'm like you. She can't point a finger on anything bad I did also. Nothing! That's why sometimes I wonder that after her 2nd, maybe 3rd time back with her ex. now and if it doesn't work again will she remember how well she was treated and /or want to come back to something she was comfortable with (me). I've said before that the only reason,, and I mean only reason I want her to try to contact/get back together is the satisfaction I'll get by saying ,,, NO!!! My ex wife 15 yrs. ago left me then tried to come back 6 months later and saying NO made me feel so good and justified all my hurt I went thru. I believe there is a good number of women that feed on being treated poorly. We had comfortable time. I also hope she remembers the good times. So your ex went twice back and came to you?
Author mike588 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 See it comes back down to actually LEARNING from what happened during the old relationship and coming to a mutual understanding when you sit down with your ex about coming back. Communication and effort, if you just let your ex come on back no apology or without discussing what occured during the last relationship then it will fail. Good response. She has already apologised several times and explained why she did what she did,,, still in love with the ex.but I was a great b/f, she still cares blah blah blah,, I was her rebound guy for 10 months. I don't want to even think about us "sitting down and talking" there is really nothing to talk about,,,I don't see how it could ever work again! I don't think I could ever shake the being used and betrayel.
Mack05 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I don't think I could ever shake the being used and betrayel. So maybe is time to turn your focus on you and not her? Maybe its time to finally start to move on?
lalalandman Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 See it comes back down to actually LEARNING from what happened during the old relationship and coming to a mutual understanding when you sit down with your ex about coming back. Communication and effort, if you just let your ex come on back no apology or without discussing what occured during the last relationship then it will fail. I agree. Communication is key. I think there needs to be a good amount of time and healing after a breakup for this to take place. It certainly doesn't help when one or both parties are stubborn.
redblack66 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 There is a small window of opportunity right after a breakup ... I would not agree. Right after the best thing is to disappear. I had a girlfriend coming back to try after about 20 days, but I also sent couple of short messages during that time.
Author mike588 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 So maybe is time to turn your focus on you and not her? Maybe its time to finally start to move on? Mack05 great response as always. I am focusing on myself like I never have before. I'm eating better than I ever have, joined a gym which has helped so very much, taking an evening class at my local college and more. Regardless I can't just switch her off in my mind,,I wish I could,, I know eventually I'll get there but it's going to take more time to get there,, I'm only 2 months along.
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