nini Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 So...I went out last night with my 2 flatmates and we went to a bar...I had to keep running to the ladies room to cry because: - I missed him so so so terribly. I cant remember the last time I went out without him, I missed the way he used to look at me, hug me, put his arms around my shoulder, kiss me, those were such special moments...it was scary...all these ppl in the room and I was so alone...my flatmates have been amazing and so supportive...but I just wanted to scream 'I dont want to be with you guys, I want him here, no one else can make me happy, I dont want to talk to anyone else but him, only him'. Of course, I didnt do this, but my head was exploding. I came home and cried for an hour before falling asleep - There were a few guys there...but no one was even 1% interesting to me, I just want him, I dont think anyone else with come close...what should I do?? arrgghh!! I thought I was doing better, focusing on myself, studying, cooking, eating well, exercising, why did this happen?? I feel so lost and feel like reaching out!!! Any advice people? Really need it! Am going crazy here!!
Mack05 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Nin you may think it's a step back but it's not. This is just a temporary set back and it's a good thing, perfectly natural. We are human with emotions. We can't just switch these emotions on and off like some light switch. You have been making progress, but sometimes an unexpected thing can set us back. I remember making great progress and at one stage I had even stopped thinking about her. Then one weekend out of nowhere BAM! Just total depression. I didn't leave the house for the whole weekend. I felt the walls closing in on me. I nearly broke NC countless times that weekend. I got through it and by the time I went to work Monday I felt so much better. It was like the end of my grieving and I never looked back. Just stick to NC and sit with these uncomfortable feelings until they pass. Trust me they will pass. The next time you go out it will be probably bad again, but it won't be as bad. Then the night after that will be better again. One day out of nowhere you will find a guy attractive. Then you know your almost there. Keep it up Nin!!!
TheDovic Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Hey Nini, I think what you experienced is very natural. I've been living in my own wee bubble since my fiancee left me and was trying to better myself, but every time I went to football it put me back to square one! I think for me it was the feeling of normal life returning as opposed to living in my wee break up bubble where at times I felt empowered and in the back of my mind still kind of hoped she would "come to her senses!" My point is once real life starts to kick in and we start living life like we did before they left us it's scary because it's like reality hitting home and they really are gone!!! Hope this makes sense
Author nini Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Thanks guys!!! Yeah, I guess it'll come and go...I'm going out again this Saturday, so fingers crossed!! Funny thing is...I really really really wanted to reach out...and he's still on my MSN though I've blocked him (which means I can see when he's online, but he can't see me/IM me), and despite feeling so low...I DID NOT LOG INTO MSN!! After we broke up, before going NC...I went online a few times and he started chatting...so I know if I had gone online...and good chances he would be there and start chatting...I did not do it! I am quite happy about that! I have a NC spreadsheet (haha its coz I'm an accountant, spreadsheets rock my world), and I've given myself till his birthdate which is 22nd November, and I've got 3 columns # of days, date and journal (where I write what am feeling), and I've coloured the cells in rainbow colours until 22 November, and if I break NC I have to delete a nice colour and colour it BLACK!! Its really really really keeping me motivated, I dont want black on my colourful spreadsheet hehe!! Thanks guys, I dont know what I'd do without you Mack, I cant believe i've made it 3 weeks NC now...i.e no stalking his FB either! I CAN DO IT!!
sleepykitten Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Hey Nin I remember this exact same thing happening to me when I first went out! Coming home and bursting into tears, or feeling so alone in a bar full of drunk happy people. But, now when i go out it makes me feel great, I love getting all dressed up, being with friends that i know have my best interests at heart and of course alot of flirting and dancing and cocktails. I never thought i would get to this stage after feeling so low but you will get there too.well done for 3 weeks nc. x
stillhurt Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Nin, there was a time when I went out months after our break up and ended up driving home sobbing. These lows will come and go, but I have learned over and over again that NC is the best way to go. Because, that relationship that you keep remembering no longer exists. I have reached out to him during my lowest periods only to realize that I am the only one still stuck in the past. Stay NC so you can really move on. The constant back and forth contact only makes things worse for your recovery. Trust me, cause I did it, and am just now slowing recovering 8 months later.
M2155 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I could go out with someone one-on-one, go out with close girlfriends...but going out to a bar scene for me was the toughest. I mean even when we were together and having a fight or whatever, being in that scene always makes me feel lonely because everyone there looks so happy and all about hooking up. The above posters are right though, eventually we slowly pick ourselves up and resume life as normal and it takes some getting used to (hard to remember we were probably actually happy/content before they came into our lives). Your feelings are totally normal!
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