Is my ex trying to hurt me?

[formerlyrebecca]

I am going to see my ex for the first time since our breakup this weekend, at our mutal college's Homecoming. I ended things with him five months ago, quite to my devastation, because we both so in love. I have been reading about how to get over an ex, about how to remember the reasons for breaking up. The only reason I did that at all was because I was diagnoed with Huntington's disease, a degenerative generic illness that my father died of, during my senior year of college and I have begun showing undeniable signs of Huntington's and couldn't stand the thought of him having to go through what my mother experienced with Daddy.

 

We met in college, like I said, when I was a senior and he was just a little freshman. He fell hard the first time we met and wasn't exactly subtle about his interest, and I remember thinking, Oh, yeah, right, like there's actually a chance that I'm going to date this pudgy little freshman!

 

Since I didn't take him seriously I really didn't have a chance - I don't even remember the falling part. Next thing I knew I was in deep - he was so charming and funny and made sure we became good friends, and I loved spending time with them. Someone told him when they found out about his being in pursuit of me that I had recently been diagnosed with Huntington's and therefore wasn't interested in being in a relationship, but he kept on. He thought I deserved to be happy.

 

We started dating in February of my senior year, with me telling him that we would play things by ear because of my sickness and the fact that I was moving to Memphis after college. Of course by graduation I couldn't imagine life without him, and we did long distance for a year. I told him I wanted to move back to Chattanooga when my lease on my apartment was up last summer to be near him at school and to room with my best friend there. We adored each other, and I couldn't believe how much I missed him, longed for his touch, wanted to be with him forever. I met his family and they thought I was too good for Philip, and my family was equally enamored with him. I introduced him to my older brother, who also has Huntington's and is bedridden now, and he said he still wanted to be with me, even if we only had a year or two together. Oh, I couldn't believe how much I loved him.

 

But my year in Memphis was not great. My driving, which had always been good - I didn't get a ticket until my junior year of college - deteriorated quickly and I got into car accidents and got tickets. My neurologist told me in April that I shouldn't be driving anymore.

 

Well, that threw me for a loop. I knew it would come but not quite so soon. I didn't know how to live on my own, so I've had to move down to south Georgia with my mother. I love my mother but I hate this tiny little town. I broke up with Philip because I didn't want him to have to do long distance again and one-sided long distance at that. I felt like it would be selfish NOT to break up with him.

 

He was actually rather distant and casual during our breakup - which happened over the phone. I was sobbing uncontrollably and he sounded completely detached, which I thought odd because he's the one who cries more during sad movies. I was mad and irrational and later wrote him a Facebook message asking him what was up with that, had he only been dating me out of pity, because no one wants to be the guy who breaks up with the dying girl? He was offended, of course, and said he had seen the break up coming and steeled himself for my sake, hoping his being less emotional would make breaking up on me easier.

 

His mother, who I'm still good friends with and has been so supportive during the breakup, says Philip might be telling the truth or might be trying to hurt me in his hurt - she said he was capable of either. She said she has asked him a couple of times over the summer how he was doing and he has almost shocked him with his flippant answers, but he is covering up how hurt he really is.

 

Anyway - and here's the situation I'm finally leading up to - last week he created a very public fan page on Facebook of a cute freshman girl, a younger sister of a roommate of his, which came up on my homepage. It was a "token of affection" for the guys on his hall, and he enthusiastically invited his friends on the hall to join the page. He make multiple remarks that were definately flirtatious about how this girl is now single and showing it.

 

I was beyond crushed. I knew Philip would most likely get over me sooner than I would over him because he has school and a social life to distract him. I have nothing but time on my hands to think about him, and my mourning has gotten worse rather than better over time. My parents moved here to this tiny town while I was in college so I know no one here and no one wants me here besides my mother.

 

I told Philip I wanted him to be someone else, but I guess I was counting on a little more time to prepare. Also it's quite different being okay with something in theory than when it's truly occuring. I have been crying nonstop since then, I feel like. All of my friends from college and Philip are moving on, and I'm moving backwards, alone, in South Georgia.

 

Last night, though, it occured to me that maybe Philip's mother's reasonings apply in this case as well. He might be hurting like me but not wanting me know and trying to hurt me for breaking up with him. Does this sound like a desparate thread that I'm clinging to out of desperation and is he really crushing on that Hannah girl?

 

I so want to talk to him this weekend. I know it will be so hard because the last time we saw each other we embraced like the long-distance lovers we were, and it will be hard not too. I feel like I need closure of some form - but I just don't know how to approach him. I will feel like a fool if I ask him if he's trying to make me jealous when he's actually wanting to be with this other girl.

 

Please help. I am low on advice down here!

[Mohanson]

I don't think he's out to hurt you Rebecca but I don't know for sure only he does. I understand your reasoning for breaking up with him, wanting to spare him that, it's noble of you but and having been on the other side of that it's hurtful.

 

I don't really feel completely comfortable talking about it on here but if you want you can email me and I'll talk about it a bit more [email protected] might provide you some insight as to where he's at.