smudge21 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I fully know that ignorance is indeed bliss, especially when dealing with a break up. Plus, I'm more than happy to dish out the advice to others about staying NC and avoiding certain social network sites... so why the **** can't I follow my own advice. Okay, to be fair, I have stayed NC for the last two months (since she made contact after 4 months of NC) and done okay. But just recently, an hour ago to be exact, I made the dreaded mistake of the "Facebook F**k-Up". Logged into an old account - which of course doesn't have all her friends and family blocked - for no real reason. Just did. Shed loads of messages and updates, but instead of coming out, I went looking, and saw just a few pictures of her. They were just basic face shots, nothing special, but she looked amazing. A face I'd not seen in a long while (not since March when I deleted her off FB), and of course, all those memories came flooding back. I knew it would hurt, even as I clicked the buttons, typed the names, I knew that this is going to hurt like hell... yet I still did it. I would appreciate someone calling me an idiot!
BrettLost Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Smudge, Not an idiot, just curious. Cats are curious. Could have been worse pictures on there mate. When I went snooping one last time before I blocked her, pic of OM and her as her display pic, heaps of lovey little gestures.... I kept digging though too. Fu(k it, I was already in tears why not go for the wrists....(I can't explain why I did either) Another thread said 90% of divorce is related to fb now.. Or some $hit like that. Just be disciplined enough to either block her, or remove yourself off it. My fb experience is fairly pleasant and hassle free now, and have found it be helpful beginning NEW friendships. Depends how people use/abuse it.
sleepykitten Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Smudge! I did the same, worse broke nc too, back to square one, well not as bad as dont feel that pain just so cross with myself after doing so well, and it did make me want answers, how could he be so heartless etc etc those sort of feelings. At least you didnt break nc!
Author smudge21 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Yeah, exactly how I feel - "I'm feeling bad, so why not go further..." - that is so self destructive! Already deleted and blocked on my main account, but it was an old one from many moons ago. I went in, remembered that I could probably see info if I looked... and so did! Her profile is not open to strangers, yet her friends/family is. This NC thing really is difficult at times, but generally because we make it difficult.
Dblock10 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 this is why i don't want to delete my ex from my fb, id rather be self disciplined and not look. otherwise curiosity and not being able to look if i wanted to would make me start digging. dont blame yourself for looking. just know no good will come from it. hence why i never look
Author smudge21 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 I can kinda' see your point there Dblock, about not deleting off Facebook. You're forcing yourself to not look, as opposed to being forced not to look. If you can maintain that control then fair enough, I know I couldn't. I like to think that times I've done this I've learnt, but in truth, I just seem to repeat mistakes. Bummer!
reimeivn Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 i dont think you are an idiot but i dont know why you click on it. i could the other day but i didnt care for a minutes. i am 5 months out but thats not the point. why would you want to do that? that hurts you, you know. the ex was kinda like you too, he was like, why are we not friend sort of and people are like, yeah why not. I am like, no. its not about me still mad at him. its just me dont want to be friend with the kind of person he is. OMG. no way.
radiodarcy Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 it happens Smudge. try not to put too much stock into it. even though that's easier said than done. i used to check the ex's facebook constantly and each time i would find out a different bit of information that made me feel worse than the last. he is a major flirt and would constantly post comments on other women's walls - - commenting on their photos; wishing them happy birthday (he failed to wish me a happy bday both this year and the year before that when we were still supposedly friends); or telling them how great it was to see them the other night i just couldn't keep from exposing myself to more and more self-destructive pain. until i finally realized that i was the one who had the control to stop it. so whenever you feel that urge to check her facebook. remind yourself of how badly you felt, and ask yourself if that little peek is really worth the anguish it will cause. that's what i did and each time i decided it was not. now i'm close to a year on and i haven't looked since.
Author smudge21 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Thanks for the responses. I felt that pain a long time ago which led to me deleting her and saying goodbye. No idea why I just did what I did. Oddly though, I kinda' now feel okay (as opposed to wallowing in self pity), possibly thanks to this place and also thanks to the fact I have been moving on, slowly but surely. Just hate these little self inflicted set backs!
melenkurion Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 You're not stupid, but you have done something that causes you pain. We all do that, from time to time. It might help to work out what you hoped to get from it? Or what it was that made you want to do it, after all this time? Like with giving up smoking, I guess, work out the circumstances that lead to it happening and avoid those circumstances, if possible.
Bruised Not Broken Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I knew it would hurt, even as I clicked the buttons, typed the names, I knew that this is going to hurt like hell... yet I still did it. I would appreciate someone calling me an idiot! You're an idiot...and you are in good company...cause MANY of us have done the exact same thing. I have done it. And I'm awesome I literally would think as typing in the search bar...don't do this...it's a mistake...you're going to get upset....and I would continue to type it...and I would see somethign that upset me. it's a normal mistake. BUT...I have finally learned to listen to that voice saying "this is a really bad idea" and I don't do the Facebook Flyby. I would scan the friends list to see the new hot girls on there...and it would make me sick. Don't even know these girls...they coudl be cousins for all I know...but it just would make me sick. So...next time you go to do the FB FlyBy...jump on here...and remember you're an idiot in good company. Chin up Buckaroo...it will get better. I p romise.
Author smudge21 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Good advice there Melenkurion. Thanks. I agree Bruised, it does get better, and for a while it had been better. I guess temptation just came upon me, wanting to know about her. Who was it that wrote Love is a drug, as they were so right!
Thieves Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Shed loads of messages and updates, but instead of coming out, I went looking, and saw just a few pictures of her. They were just basic face shots, nothing special, but she looked amazing. A face I'd not seen in a long while (not since March when I deleted her off FB), and of course, all those memories came flooding back. Hm.. Smudge, let me ask you something. Really simple, but: how would you have felt if you saw her new pictures and she looked... bad? Or just plain unattractive? Would you have felt better? Take a sec to think about it, and let us know the answer. And well, we all do idiotic things to ourselves, make idiotic mistakes that we know will hurt us. I remember I used to look at two or three pictures of 'him' nearly every day, every week for a long while. It was like I was moving on but still wanted to hold on to him in some way, but it was still holding me back. The only reason we do things like this is because even if we can predict how we'll feel (hurt), there's still a small piece of hope left inside of us that hopes we'll be wrong. That piece of hope is a PAIN in the ass and the culprit for a lot of mistakes we make in the healing process. The difference is we can choose how we act after making these mistakes. We can choose to linger on it and beat ourself up, or we can admit we were stupid for a few minutes, give ourself a slap on the wrist and keep moving forward the best we can. Just remind yourself you weren't the only fool in the world who made a mistake like that, and you won't be the last.
Author smudge21 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 I get your point Thieves, about if she'd looked ugly. I know that a lot of my attraction is down to those rose-tinted glasses I still wear and once they've gone, I'll probably see her the same way I did before I fell for her. I mean, she was very attractive, but I wasn't attracted to her... if you get me. Yeah, hope is a kicker - I do believe that's why we all do things like this. Just hoping that we'll see some regret or sorrow from our dumpers, or even read that they're missing us. It never happens. I'm kinda' fine with it now, and was not long after, but at the time I just hated myself for doing it. What's wierd is that now that regret and anger has passed, I am tempted to do it again... I will obviously try not to (I'm sure I'll be sent to the LS "naughty step" if I do), but I can feel that temptation there. That little voice is saying "go on, do it - okay it hurt for a while, but you got to see her and find out what she's doing, so isn't it worth it, just for one little fix?" - No, it isn't.
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