Itsm Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 My boyfriend (or so i thought, soul-mate) of 5 years broke up with me over the phone 4 days ago, saying he had fallen out of love with me but also that he felt he had drifted away from his family (Note that his family have NEVER been there for him and he was always going on about how awful they are to him. Also that my family have treated him like a son, even in August they paid for us to go to on a day out on his birthday, his family? Nothing, not even a card). To me, it doesn't make sense, we were very close even up until the day he broke up with me and even that morning he tried to have sex with me….why????. We were best friends too and i feel very betrayed, i was upset and heartbroken, now i miss him but also feel angry and like he needs to get a grip. My problem is that last night he replied to my message from the other night (which i regret) that said “if theres someone else i need to know, please”. He replied the next night with “No theres no one else you don’t need to worry about that :/. hope your ok”. May sound silly but should i reply to this? I feel i should leave him to contemplate what he’s done and make him miss me but i also worry that if i don't reply soon he may just think I’m over him, which I’m not. He's also deleted some pics of me and him and saying how he wants to get drunk with people, he's not the drinking type and why never ask ME if i wanted to go out drinking when we were together???.. Wtf is going on with him? It's like he's trying to be someone he's not.
oldguy Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 My boyfriend (or so i thought, soul-mate) of 5 years broke up with me over the phone 4 days ago, That's just cold saying he had fallen out of love with me but also that he felt he had drifted away from his family (Note that his family have NEVER been there for him and he was always going on about how awful they are to him. Also that my family have treated him like a son, even in August they paid for us to go to on a day out on his birthday, his family? Nothing, not even a card). To me, it doesn't make sense, we were very close even up until the day he broke up with me and even that morning he tried to have sex with me….why????. What went wrong there? We were best friends too and i feel very betrayed, i was upset and heartbroken, now i miss him but also feel angry and like he needs to get a grip. My problem is that last night he replied to my message from the other night (which i regret) that said “if theres someone else i need to know, please”. [/quote Why do regret that? at the very least you need closure. Ending a 5 year relationship over the phone doesn't sound like it offered much of that. ]He replied the next night with “No theres no one else you don’t need to worry about that :/. hope your ok”. May sound silly but should i reply to this? I feel i should leave him to contemplate what he’s done and make him miss me but i also worry that if i don't reply soon he may just think I’m over him, which I’m not. playing games like this is never a good idea & simply a bad relationship habit. He's also deleted some pics of me and him and saying how he wants to get drunk with people, he's not the drinking type and why never ask ME if i wanted to go out drinking when we were together???.. Wtf is going on with him? It's like he's trying to be someone he's not.
Zabs Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Start thinking about yourself hun! It's hard when you have questions and you feel that things could be sorted if you were to talk..but we cannot change the behaviour of others. We can only change how we react to it. I think if you focus more on what YOU are doing and LESS on wha HE is doing...you will be provided with an answer soon enough. Much love, Zabs xx
Author Itsm Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Thanks a lot to both of you, but i still wonder should i reply to him or not? I really worry that if i don't talk to him he may forget about me and there will never be any chance of us getting back together.
Zabs Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Reply to what? He said there is no one else. That doesn't require a response hun. I understand your desperation...but who ever went back to who because they were desperate? You will regret responding to him if you do not get a reply back or if it is not the response you expected. Sometimes, a little space is all that's needed..
Author Itsm Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 I mean because he said "hope your ok" i didn't know whether to respond to that to be civil, just tell him i'm fine and ask him how he is, or leave him be. I was doing good today, but since he deleted 2 pictures of us from quite recently Ive felt sad again How can he do that and not feel sad or miss me?
Mar1neOne Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I mean because he said "hope your ok" i didn't know whether to respond to that to be civil, just tell him i'm fine and ask him how he is, or leave him be. I was doing good today, but since he deleted 2 pictures of us from quite recently Ive felt sad again How can he do that and not feel sad or miss me? Do NOT contact him! Make him chase you. Everyone likes a challenge and wants what they can't have. If he forgets about you that easily he ain't worth it.
Author Itsm Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Thanks a lot, i appreciate the advice. I won't contact him, i just feel desperate to do whatever i can but i know it won't make any difference. I also don't think he will chase me, its been 5 days of him living in the house we lived in together with our cats and to me if he missed me and wanted me back by now he would have done it. Even him waking up and deleting the pictures and then saying he wants to "Get drunk sometime!" to other people makes me think thats it..he's over me....
Zabs Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 YOu are spending to much time thinking about him. You don't know he isn't hurting because you have no idea what has happened to cause him to break up. I am sure he will tell you in time...whether it's what you want to hear is another thing entirely. Zabs xx
Author Itsm Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Yehh i know i hate being this desperate, i could kick myself sometimes. Its just like i don't understand how he could just fall out of love... He said he still cares about me and still "fancies" me (or finds me attractive lol) but i thought falling out of love with someone would mean the opposite of still being physically attracted to them?
Zabs Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Yehh i know i hate being this desperate, i could kick myself sometimes. Its just like i don't understand how he could just fall out of love... He said he still cares about me and still "fancies" me (or finds me attractive lol) but i thought falling out of love with someone would mean the opposite of still being physically attracted to them? Yeah but different words mean different things to DIFFERENT people! What you believe to be out of love may not be the same as what your ex does. My one thought about that right now is that I would rather a man be honest than get cheated on! At least you have the opportunity to move on. WHat if a man cheated on us and took something more than simply self esteem.....our lives! STD's are rife in the World in general and not enough people practice safe sex IMO:eek: Zabs xx
Author Itsm Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) 1 week now since he broke up with me and about 5 days of NC, feeling better but really miss him. Also don't understand why his next door neighbour is posting pictures of him and her little girl on facebook she knows im hurting so why would she do this? (She has a bf and 2 kids so no, he isn't interested in her). Also just noticed he has unfriended me on facebook, i don't get why he would do this??? its not like i'm trying to message him Edited October 7, 2011 by Itsm
Zabs Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 TO get a reaction hun! Simple as that. Ego has a lot to answer for! Do you REALLY think he wants to think that you don't care about him anymore? That is a big dent to anyone's ego unless they are genuinely sincere about caring about each other's happiness. It depends what his motives are. My ex is childish like that but it doesn't work. I do not own jealousy. It serves no purpose in my life. But is proves extremely useful to those who manipulate it. Stay NC see what happens next dut don't dwell. Take care of yourself....you had a heartbeat before you ever met him...don't forget that! Much love, Zabs xx
Author Itsm Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) Thanks Zabs, i hope that is the reason. Had a pretty bad weekend so far, went shopping yesterday but EVERYTHING reminded me of him. Thought i would be ok today but feel worse, i miss him so much. He has been talking to his brothers on FB and Friday night put how he's getting tipsy...he doesn't seem to be missing me at all. To be honest I've been coping with the break up its just the fact that its only been over a week and he seems happy already?!, we were together for so long, HOW can he just not care about me anymore?. he hasn't even asked me how i am! . I feel like a bag of rubbish he's just thrown out I seriously don't understand how he is not worrying about how i am, i would if it was the other way around... I'm so tempted to contact him, i'm worried hes forgotten about me already! :'( We were always so close, how can he just shut me out completely.... And why is he choosing now to go out drinking? he never took me anywhere, always said he didn't like going out, that we didn't have enough money or that he was too tired from work Edited October 9, 2011 by Itsm
Author Itsm Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 Sorry for the rant i just cant cope with all this! first he fell out of love, the usual "its me not you" then listing the things i did wrong or what he didn't like about me... SO CONFUSED
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