karmaqueen Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I'm new here but have been reading similar posts to mine and would value any advice going! I was in a long distance relationship for 15 months. By long distance I mean different countries and 45 minutes flight away. I loved this guy like crazy and put so much effort, time and money into the relationship. However, I always had this feeling that I couldnt trust him. We had endless rows over this trust issue. To cut a long story short, last week I discovered he has a live in girlfriend who is pregnant with his child. I discovered by accidentally stumbling across her on a social networking site. I spoke to her and she was as hurt and gutted as me. i just want to know how to get over this pain and sense of injustice. I feel I was lied to and used and thought I would feel better that he has lost us both, but I don't. I seem to be stuck with this feeling that I deserve better and cannot accept that he won't make it better. He has apologised over the phone and we speak daily- he keeps asking me what he can do- I asked him to write me a letter to explain why he did it and how sorry he is- I am still waiting for this. Has anyone else had these feelings? I want to be able to move on but there is always this horrible feeling that I can't get past. I feel like he must make ammends somehow but I have no idea how. I wonder if this feeling is normal? How can I move on? Thanks if there is anyone who can help
mike111 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 karmaqueen, I have been where you are at. And believe me, it does get better. All those awful feelings you have will come and go for a while. But you will improve and you will get better. But.........the guy you were with sounds like a major sleazy creep. I think you might be better off dumping his worthless ass out to the curb like a bag of trash and never have contact with him again. On this board the people here preach the "NO CONTACT" rule. It's a bloody good tool. Use it! Be well as best you can. And take care. mike
HollyHoliday Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Hi Karmaqueen: You were lied to...big time. And there is a huge sense of injustice here. You gave yourself and your time to this person, only to find out that they were living a double life. You are probably asking yourself, where does it go from here? First off, it is obvious to me that you must end this relationship immediately. Explain how you want to to him that it was wrong, and that you are ending all contact. Realize that you are the lucky on in this situation. Someone else is having his CHILD. She is going to have to deal with this guy for the rest of her life. You on the otherhand are free, free to go on with your life and find someone who deserves to be with you. Good luck, hang in there. It will be hard, but the feelings will go away.
Author karmaqueen Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Thanks for the really helpful replies. You are right- I need to stop all contact and will be changing my phone number tomorrow. If I think logically, I know he did wrong, I didn't deserve it and there is nothing that can be done to turn back the clock so I HAVE to move on. Thanks again:)
wilsonx Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I'm new here but have been reading similar posts to mine and would value any advice going! I was in a long distance relationship for 15 months. By long distance I mean different countries and 45 minutes flight away. I loved this guy like crazy and put so much effort, time and money into the relationship. However, I always had this feeling that I couldnt trust him. We had endless rows over this trust issue. To cut a long story short, last week I discovered he has a live in girlfriend who is pregnant with his child. I discovered by accidentally stumbling across her on a social networking site. I spoke to her and she was as hurt and gutted as me. i just want to know how to get over this pain and sense of injustice. I feel I was lied to and used and thought I would feel better that he has lost us both, but I don't. I seem to be stuck with this feeling that I deserve better and cannot accept that he won't make it better. He has apologised over the phone and we speak daily- he keeps asking me what he can do- I asked him to write me a letter to explain why he did it and how sorry he is- I am still waiting for this. Has anyone else had these feelings? I want to be able to move on but there is always this horrible feeling that I can't get past. I feel like he must make ammends somehow but I have no idea how. I wonder if this feeling is normal? How can I move on? Thanks if there is anyone who can help Right now you have to go NC for a while. If I was you, forever but you live your own life the way you want to. Actually, I am going to point out something. Read what I bolded. You are never going to get this letter from him. You probably have a better chance of being struck by lightning then getting this letter. You are angry at him which is completely justifiable but as soon as you lock down NC and give yourself some time and space, its actually going to turn inward on you because you had that "gut feeling" that something wasn't right and that you could not trust him and you did not do anything about it then. Embrace that hurt and let it serve as a reminder down the road to always trust your own intuition. Once that anger has turned inward, thats when you write an apology letter to yourself and forgive yourself for not trusting you!
Author karmaqueen Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 LOL! You are so right! Instead of a letter he sent me a poem which he had obviously cut and pasted from somewhere and it was not relevant to us at all. Good riddance to bad rubbish I say. I won't take his calls any more- they just prolonged the hurt and today I have even managed to laugh about his pathetic ways. Thanks everyone
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