lovesobe Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I have been going out for two weeks with the most amazing girl I have met in my life, we have an amazing time together, we spent almost everyday together for hours and hours and everything was going perfect ... until last night, I did something stupid at the beach which made us end up in my apartment and ended up having sex, which was, BAD.. just bad. I was nervous, I couldnt concentrate, and was so insecure that while being in her I kept on thinking "Am I doing ok? How about this and that?" and ended up soft and finishing her orally. Then, a little later felt more relaxed but she was just laying there until I finished. It was awkward afterwards, I could see in her eyes so much sadness that brought me completely down in tears after I dropped her. Today I get a message from her, saying that "I dont think I am ready for this"... I said we will talk about it tomorrow. Honestly, I dont know what to do and I really dont want to lose her... What I do from now on, I dunno, I am so lost.
Voldar Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Going off of the advice of others I'd have to say that it just takes practice. If she really cares she will work on it with you, because as I understand, it will get better. No one is a master at much of anything without practice. Which is why I dread my first time. But hey, you live, you learn. Youll get better. As far as it goes with her, I can't say much. Talk it out with her, tell her what's on your mind. It's the best you can do. If you keep it from her it won't help your case. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.
ChessPieceFace Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Ouch. So, why do you think you were so nervous? I'm no expert, but my gut tells me to go with some heartfelt (and well-worded) honesty in this particular situation. Something like "I really care about you and wanted everything to be perfect that night, so I was so nervous I just messed it all up. I'm really sorry that we rushed into that now. I hope I can see you again." Get confirmation by like 5 other people before you send ANYTHING, lol. As for the going soft bit... I don't think you should address it DIRECTLY, and I don't think specifically apologizing for that would really help. Going soft and then saying "wow that never happens to me" seems to come off as insincere and un-masculine. I think you kinda have to just prove yourself next time, if there is a next time.
Pierre Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I have been going out for two weeks with the most amazing girl I have met in my life, we have an amazing time together, we spent almost everyday together for hours and hours and everything was going perfect ... until last night, I did something stupid at the beach which made us end up in my apartment and ended up having sex, which was, BAD.. just bad. I was nervous, I couldnt concentrate, and was so insecure that while being in her I kept on thinking "Am I doing ok? How about this and that?" and ended up soft and finishing her orally. Then, a little later felt more relaxed but she was just laying there until I finished. It was awkward afterwards, I could see in her eyes so much sadness that brought me completely down in tears after I dropped her. Today I get a message from her, saying that "I dont think I am ready for this"... I said we will talk about it tomorrow. Honestly, I dont know what to do and I really dont want to lose her... What I do from now on, I dunno, I am so lost. When people have sex too soon it can feel awkward, particularly in people that are not highly experienced and "pro"at it. If you had waited more there would have been a gradual progression to intimacy without the awkwardness. Sex too soon is never a good idea.
ThsAmericanLife Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I'm sorry this happened.... If the original connection was as special as you feel, hopefully she will give it another chance. It definately helps to be open and honest. However (yes... I have to add)... I agree with Pierre here. Doesn't help 'after' the fact. What happens when things go slower is that both people don't have as much pressure to 'perform' It becomes more about the shared intimacy and wanting to be sincerely close to them... and not worrying about the technical details. Interestingly enough, that tends to have a positive effect on the 'nerves' too!! Funny how things work that way
Pierre Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 First time I had sex it felt natural and there was no pressure of any kind. Furthermore, I was not even planning or expecting sex and therefore the lack of expectation made me very relaxed. Having sex is a natural body function and should come naturally.
mike111 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I have been going out for two weeks with the most amazing girl I have met in my life, we have an amazing time together, we spent almost everyday together for hours and hours and everything was going perfect ... until last night, I did something stupid at the beach which made us end up in my apartment and ended up having sex, which was, BAD.. just bad. I was nervous, I couldnt concentrate, and was so insecure that while being in her I kept on thinking "Am I doing ok? How about this and that?" and ended up soft and finishing her orally. Then, a little later felt more relaxed but she was just laying there until I finished. It was awkward afterwards, I could see in her eyes so much sadness that brought me completely down in tears after I dropped her. Today I get a message from her, saying that "I dont think I am ready for this"... I said we will talk about it tomorrow. Honestly, I dont know what to do and I really dont want to lose her... What I do from now on, I dunno, I am so lost. Sounds like you just had a bad case of nerves. She probably thought it was her fault and you didn't like her. You should tell her that you were nervous as all heck. If she accepts that, great. If not, maybe she's not right for you if she can't understand that men are human too. We are not robots or vibrators you can just stick batteries into.
CocoaBrown Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I have been going out for two weeks with the most amazing girl I have met in my life, we have an amazing time together, we spent almost everyday together for hours and hours and everything was going perfect ... until last night, I did something stupid at the beach which made us end up in my apartment and ended up having sex, which was, BAD.. just bad. I was nervous, I couldnt concentrate, and was so insecure that while being in her I kept on thinking "Am I doing ok? How about this and that?" and ended up soft and finishing her orally. Then, a little later felt more relaxed but she was just laying there until I finished. It was awkward afterwards, I could see in her eyes so much sadness that brought me completely down in tears after I dropped her. Today I get a message from her, saying that "I dont think I am ready for this"... I said we will talk about it tomorrow. Honestly, I dont know what to do and I really dont want to lose her... What I do from now on, I dunno, I am so lost. It just sounds like you had sex too soon. It also sounds like she might be a little scared that things happened so fast too and might be feeling a little cheap/confused. At least that's how I would feel. I would be less concerned about it being "horrible"....even though it does sound like things were awkward. It's just cause you obviously care and like each other or else you wouldn't be spending so much time together, but you weren't ready for sex. Hope it all works out for you. You sound like a good guy.
denise_xo Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 These things happen and while it's not ideal, it's not some great disaster either. Just be honest with her when you meet her and encourage her to also be honest with you, and then you guys can hold on for a bit before you have a go at this again. Just reassure her of your feelings for her and that you'd like to keep up the relationship and that you're happy to wait until the both of you are ready. Good luck.
Author lovesobe Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Thank you all for your kind comments, I was no expecting such a quick reply. Yes, I agree with the "sex too soon!"... Even though she wanted to, from the signals I got, I should have taken control and hold it off... I will hopefully talk to her today, and she will give me another chance. Never had the chance of meeting someone like her, was always either the great chemistry or the great person, but in this case, it's both, is a new feeling for me to be with someone that you are so happy doing absolutely anything and at the same time attracted to, time would surely calms my insecurities, I just hope I get the chance.
denise_xo Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 If everything has been pretty good before this happened, I think your chances of repairing the situation are pretty high. Good luck
FitChick Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Sex too soon is never a good idea. I agree. You both have to be anticipating it and building up the sexual tension so that your bodies take over and not your mind. To the OP: tell her what you've told us, how you were so eager to make your first experience special that you wound up ruining it and now you feel just awful. You want to make it up to her but trying again gradually. Then laugh and say "The first three times don't count!" Don't make the conversation life and death.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 These things happen and while it's not ideal, it's not some great disaster either. Just be honest with her when you meet her and encourage her to also be honest with you, and then you guys can hold on for a bit before you have a go at this again. Just reassure her of your feelings for her and that you'd like to keep up the relationship and that you're happy to wait until the both of you are ready. Good luck. This^. Be considerate and offer contrition for your nervousness and awkwardness. Imply you hope for her grace to improve but don't crowd her into crisis mode. Accept what she says and move slowly in the right direction.
Casablanca Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 When people have sex too soon it can feel awkward, particularly in people that are not highly experienced and "pro"at it. If you had waited more there would have been a gradual progression to intimacy without the awkwardness. Sex too soon is never a good idea. I agree...if you dont have much confidence you need to build trust with them to where you feel comfortable
Author lovesobe Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 Thank you so much guys!... is funny how things work out!... We went out and we spoke. I opened my heart out, I told her how much she means to me in such a little time and how much I was into her and that definitely I anticipated it and went too soon... We agreed to take it slow, we both attempted, but somehow again ended up in my apartment, we both trying not to, went into something I cant explain, i thought of nothing more than how amazing and beautiful she is and how lucky I am to be with her, never seen so much passion and desire in someone;s eyes... at the end, spent the whole night in what without a doubt was the best love making i had in my live... After all, i know it was too soon, but i just cannot control it somehow... thank you so much for all your messages!! It is wonderful to have you all there.
denise_xo Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Thank you so much guys!... is funny how things work out!... We went out and we spoke. I opened my heart out, I told her how much she means to me in such a little time and how much I was into her and that definitely I anticipated it and went too soon... We agreed to take it slow, we both attempted, but somehow again ended up in my apartment, we both trying not to, went into something I cant explain, i thought of nothing more than how amazing and beautiful she is and how lucky I am to be with her, never seen so much passion and desire in someone;s eyes... at the end, spent the whole night in what without a doubt was the best love making i had in my live... After all, i know it was too soon, but i just cannot control it somehow... thank you so much for all your messages!! It is wonderful to have you all there. What a great happy ending - well done :bunny:
Author lovesobe Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 thank you so much guys!... is funny how things work out!... We went out and we spoke. I opened my heart out, I told her how much she means to me in such a little time and how much I was into her and that definitely I anticipated it and went too soon... We agreed to take it slow, we both attempted, but somehow again ended up in my apartment, we both trying not to, went into something I cant explain, i thought of nothing more than how amazing and beautiful she is and how lucky I am to be with her, never seen so much passion and desire in someone;s eyes... at the end, spent the whole night in what without a doubt was the best love making i had in my live... After all, i know it was too soon, but i just cannot control it somehow... thank you so much for all your messages!! It is wonderful to have you all there.
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