Is my ex bf delusional?

[SugarHoney]

My ex bf has been throwing out mixed messages again, but this time its making me wonder whether he is deliberately messing with my head, unsure if he wants me back, or is really delusional.

 

Because he has mentioned that we could, should or even are going to do various things together in future. Whether he's just joking around/is just being friendly or really means it in someway I don't know. But his use of old pet names and flirtatious comments lead me to think that he's confused about what he wants or is just plain messing with my head because he loves the ego boost, as just friends don't flirt with each other like that or play up how much they miss each other right?

 

I really don't know what he's playing at and I don't want to lose him from my life forever, but I'm starting to wonder whether we can ever just be friends, or at least that we may not be able to be friends again for a long time. I think I'm probably going to go back to NC for awhile, so I have some time to get my head straight and re-access the situation.

 

I've also been talking to this new guy, just as friends and I've never met him in person or anything like that, but I think he likes me and may suggest a meet up at some point. I really don't know if I should meet him if he asks. But I'm thinking if I tell him up front that I'm not ready for anything serious yet because of this messy break up etc then it might be ok just to hang out as friends and see how we get on?

 

I worry that it would be wrong to do it, like rebounding, but its been nearly 8 months since me and my ex split now and some people have suggested that I should give this guy a chance. I do worry that it wouldn't be fair on him, but if I'm up front about how I feel, tell him that I'm not ready for anything serious, but would nice just to be hang out as friends then that might be ok. Still I'm not going to rush into anything, especially with all the continuing confusion with my ex.

 

I wish my ex could just be straight with me. I tell him not to use old pet names when we talk, not to flirt and push the message that I'm trying to move on. I know I should stop talking to him altogether really and go complete NC, at least for a few months. I am feeling better than I was and was hoping maybe we could keep it light and friendly, maybe up date each other on things every few weeks or so, but I'm starting to wonder whether even that is too much when he's sending so many mixed messages.

 

Also this past week I have had a bit of a relapse which has also tangled up all my feelings again. Its strange, before I spoke to him I was really hoping he'd want me back, but now he's sending these mixed messages again I'm really starting to wonder whether I may actually be better off without him.

 

All this makes so little sense to me. I mean I thought he was trying to move on too, so why would he want to make things complicated with all these mixed signals again? I'm not sure if he's found someone else yet or not. I suspected he had, but I guess maybe it was just a fling? Or they were just friends. I don't really know. But surely if he wants to move on. If he doesn't want to be with me any more. He would want to keep any friendship between us simple as well?

Edited October 5, 2011 by SugarHoney

[flitzanu]

has he said "i want to be with you and work things out with you and fix our relationship"?

 

no?

 

then they aren't mixed signals, YOU are making it complicated. if you'd quit talking to him this wouldn't be happening.

 

can't have things both ways.

[Thieves]

I'm gonna take a page from one of my favorite philosophers (Thoreau) and say this: Simplify.

 

Whenever you have a problem in a relationship, keep it simple. Step back and forget the details for a sec. I know it sounds like it should be the opposite, but like I told someone else, sometimes we get emotional and get caught up in all the details. So we don't actually see the bigger picture. Don't ask why he's doing what he's doing, why he's saying this, etc. Forget about him for a sec.

 

So, simplify. Ask three simple things: what, why, and how.

 

1. What is the problem here? He's sending "mixed signals".

2. Why is that a problem? This is where you'll need to be very honest with yourself.

3. How can it be solved?

 

Personally, what I think? Go total NC for a while longer and continue to heal.

 

I wish my ex could just be straight with me.

 

Why wait for him to be straight with you? Take the initiative, and you be straight with him. Friends should be able to be honest with each other.

 

Flitzanu's right, you're making it complicated. Mixed signals are just that. If you were truly over him, you wouldn't see anything he says as 'mixed', because you've stopped looking for them. But because you do see 'mixed signals', you're still looking, which means you're still holding onto some type of hope. Which means bottom line, you should probably go NC and separate yourself from him for a while.

 

Trust me, I've been through this exact situation. I wanted to be his friend too. I didn't want to lose him forever. But all of that is not worth losing my peace of mind. You need to put yourself first right now.

[betterdeal]

I don't want to lose him from my life forever

 

Why? You're just friends, right? You must have lost contact with lots of friends in your time. I have friends whose names I've forgotten and I haven't spoken to in decades. If I meet them again, it'll be great, we'll no doubt have fun. But you sound like you want something more than friendship. Is that right?

 

As far as I can tell, you're both a bit confused about where your boundaries lie. You're in a sort of relationship now. If you want him as a friend and don't like the flirting, say so: "don't flirt with me" should suffice.

[TLCbear]

I really do not know why people try to be friends with someone when knowing they can not. Op, you want this guy back and he knows this, that is why he is sending these "mix signals". I know it's hard, but you need to remove yourself from this situation. True love and friendship is like a boomerang, it always comes back to you. I just recently had a guy popped up and called me after 4 yrs, asked where he got my number and he said 411...so there you go, if someone really wants you, they know how to contact you and let you know exactly what it is they want. If they are not straight with it, then it's not worth your time.