Crawdaddy73 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 This is my second divorce. I was married before and my first wife was unfaithful. She confessed to me December 9th at about 9pm 2002, I remember it well. She cheated on me with a man that I thought was my best friend at the time but thats another story. So I met my current wife less than a year later. I was on the verge of doing the unthinkable. I had a plan to put my shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger. This woman shows up out of nowhere and saved me from myself. Skip ahead to November 2008. I found a chat log on our computer from MySpace of her and a guy she says she used to date. It was very graphic, lots of sex talk and even set up the meeting. It happened while I was out of state cause I took another job and we were moving. I was looking for us a house and she was back home alone for about a month. The log was in our temp files or cache or something like that. She says I was invading her privacy and got it right off of myspace. I didnt. She then said that her and her friends thought it would be funny to get this guy worked up over nothing and that nothing happened. I didnt believe her, I had been cheated on before. Any ways, we hung on for a few more years but it was tense all the time. She stopped having sex with me claiming it was cause I looked at her differently since that day and that sex did nothing for her. She said I accused her of cheating on me but I say that she did that herself and I was working through it best I could. It all came to head one night. To sum it up, I was drinking after she started a fight with me and once again brought this crap up. I lost my cool, I did and I know it. She struck me and I snapped. I fought back. It was wrong but I hit her several times before she kicked me between the legs and dropped me. I went to jail that night. The next day after getting out I couldnt go home and had no where to stay. I couldnt talk to her cause of a restraining order. Now I dont blame her any for this, it was wrong. But its been eight months now. She left here after 2 months with another guy from back home. He is out of the picture now but I wonder how long he was in the picture prior to that night and if she was trying to force it that night for that reason. In the last couple of months there have been discussions of making it work and her coming back but they always fall through. We have 2 little girls together, a 5 yr old and a 1 yr old. I miss them soo much. Im trying to be ok with things as they are but she took my pride first, then my self respect, then my whole life and left me alone. Im lost, Im hurt. I wonder if I deserve this and know that some of you will rip for snapping and striking back. I dont try to justify that.
Author Crawdaddy73 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 This is very abridged version of everything...have to start somewhere.
Author Crawdaddy73 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 No....she is very wishy washy. She says she loves me. Asked me to put in for a job in another town and then she will come back. Im not sure why another town would make the difference but that worries me to. Like there is something here that she doesnt want me to find out. After I found the sexting from MySpace she stared working long hours and I would get the kids around and taken care of because she was gone already and we were getting ready for bed when she came home. She may take one day off a week and that was always shopping day but we were together that day. She started talking bad about me to people around town, some of them told me she was doing it. It all just came to a head and exploded one night. The other night we had a text war and she said she doesnt even know how our youngest was concieved cause she wasnt having sex with me at the time, least not willingly. But she claims there was no one else then. I know she is my child though...looks just like me.
Leslie5007 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I was wondering where this was headed because you named the thread second divorce. It sounds as though the two of you are still prone to fighting. You don't want a repetition of the TRO / RO. You either put your suspicions aside and work something out with her regarding the kids or file for divorce.
Author Crawdaddy73 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Part of being new...whats TRO / RO?
Leslie5007 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Temporary Restraining Order, Restraining Order. If she didnt take one out against you, she could have.
Author Crawdaddy73 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 No I dont want that again...she isnt even in this state. Im soo confused right now. She says she loves me and wants to come back but not here. And she lies to me about going out to the bar then posts the pics on FB. I wanted to make it work but then she says she isnt doing anything and ends up at the bar. Ya, I have issues with that. I think that its over and have not talked to her in a couple days. But when I dont talk to her she wants me back. When I buy in to it and start making the plans she starts screwing with my head and is mean to me. I think she is punishing me but aside from the night that things went horribly wrong there has been no other reason for her to do this to me. I went to work and came home and took care of kids till she got home at bed time. I was begging her for attention and for love and now she tells me that she wasnt willingly having sex with me. I didnt force her, EVER! We only had it maybe once a month and I initiated all contact. She never tried to touch me but she let me have sex on her. Thats odd to say but how it feels. I love her and can put suspicions aside but doesnt she need to make the effort to regain my trust? She admitted to being with the guy she left here with. I can get over that because of how things happened, but she continues to play with my emotions. Every time she says she wants to come back and then things go wrong its like I lose her all over again. And not just her, my kids too. I dont know how to get over everything when she wont make an effort outside of words that mean nothing with out actions to back them up. Im scared of the future, for myself, for my girls. And this is the second woman I gave my heart to and both betrayed me. I dont know if I can do it again. I cant trust anyone!
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