babyygirllhi Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 My ex bf of 1 year broke up with me about 2-3 months ago. I'm 24 and he's 22. I moved away (had planned to all along, not bc of him, and he was supposed to come..) but anyway, its been 1.5 months since i moved, ive got a new job, new life, etc. I hadnt talked to him. ive missed him like CRAZY but keep looking forward. However, I owe him money and the other night just wrote to him saying "i want you to know i will stay pay you back of course and you were so kind to be so giving". He wrote back 1 day later saying "Hi, thanks for writing. I've been sitting here for 30 min trying to come up with what to write back. Thinking about you is hard. I wrote a lot of thoughts down the other night about us and our time together. It would mean a lot to me if you read it but if you can't I'll understand. Let me know. I would love to skype some day too. /Me" I decided that I couldnt handle it and replied "It's unnecessary for me to read it now. And skyping is a bad idea. You chose this." Then the following day (tonight) I slipped and wrote to him "I miss you so much it hurts. You'd think after 2 months it would get easier" (OOOPS I KNOW!!!) So I fee like oh well, its ok that he knows i miss him, but im still wondering what he meant with his message?! Here is the background: I met my ex and he was this guy who first of all didnt know how to communicate well, was VERY independent, likes to fix everything on his own, never asks for help, wants to be free, etc. from the beginning and throughout the whole relationship he showed that he wasnt ready and never wanted to have a gf, never thought of one, never been in love, never thought of marriage etc, was just focused on himself. He had a very hard time exprssing his feelings. This made for a bad relationship where it was obvious he was TOTALLY not ready for commitment and just seemed very immature, didnt know what he wanted in life. He is very serious about himself, and said he wants to make himself into the person he wants to be by the time he is 30 (hmmm..).he had been working to save money towards starting his own online business when we met and had planned to move in with his friend and work with him, however we met and he just disregarded all those plans and eventually came to live with me (in a diff city). we got along perfectly, became absolute best friends, crazy attracted, could talk forever and saw life the same. but even though things with us were amazing, he was always like, depressed because he wasnt "alone and indpendent" i guess. Id never been with anyone so less "showing love". i knew he loved me, but he had this attitude like "well i dont think peple should say i love you too much" and "people should just do what they want. i want my gf to wake up and do her own thing while i do my own thing.." which was strange bc we spent 1 year together, 24/7, travelled 3 months alone where he wouldnt leave me side, but he didnt know how to share his life iwth me. even though he was in love. ... (ive never met anyone liek this) he also has told me that "the worst thing in the world would be for someone to think im insecure" so i believe that reflected how he treated me. he couldnt show vulnerability. He spent lots of time breaking up with me yet still seeing me and it would be AMAZING. he said doesnt know whats wrong but he is still in love with me, im the perfect girl, we even had very unsafe sex (like no protection!).... And he said after breaking up like "im wierd, i'll want to be alone forever. If I were to be with a girl it would be you.."then he made plans with the guy he was going to before we met and now he is working on an online page called "social freedom" with his friend... Even post break up, we talked on the phone for hours and it was amazing. just talked about life etc. i told him i was moving and he begged to see me before i moved. so he drove 1 hour to spend 1 night iwth me. it was unreal. it had been 3 weeks since we last saw eachoher and when we saw eachother, we ran into eachothers arms, hugged, giggled, cried, kissed, held eachothers face, etc. the whole ngiht was unreal. even next day. then he left and we both cried ..... Then like a few days before I moved he wrote on facebook that im amazing, he misses me and will miss me. Is this guy gonna regret this one day?!
Rorschach64 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Give him his money back when you can but keep all conversations from here on out simply polite and nice. Try to keep your slip ups in check as best you can, it is expected to slip up once and awhile, so no beating yourself up. As far as your question, there is no way to know if he will regret, sometimes they come back and sometimes they do. It is a very generic but best answer anyone can give you but you have to move on as if he turned in to a mutant zombie that craves only to eat your brains. Despite his words and all that, if he wanted to be with you he would...blah blah. Stay NC and good luck
Author babyygirllhi Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Give him his money back when you can but keep all conversations from here on out simply polite and nice. Try to keep your slip ups in check as best you can, it is expected to slip up once and awhile, so no beating yourself up. As far as your question, there is no way to know if he will regret, sometimes they come back and sometimes they do. It is a very generic but best answer anyone can give you but you have to move on as if he turned in to a mutant zombie that craves only to eat your brains. Despite his words and all that, if he wanted to be with you he would...blah blah. Stay NC and good luck Should I be pissed that he wrote what he did? He knows he hurt me bad and that I want to be with him. So to write that he is having a hard time, isnt that just mean? part of me feels angry and that he is extremely selfish, only thinking of himself, and that i think he still knows he doesnt want to be with me ... the other part likes that he is open with me, and makes me keep hope ... but scared to think that anything was meant by what he wrote. for all i know his emtions he wrote down and wants me to read could be reasoning as to why we didnt work or that we had a good time BUT ... etc .
Rorschach64 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Should I be pissed that he wrote what he did? He knows he hurt me bad and that I want to be with him. So to write that he is having a hard time, isnt that just mean? part of me feels angry and that he is extremely selfish, only thinking of himself, and that i think he still knows he doesnt want to be with me ... the other part likes that he is open with me, and makes me keep hope ... but scared to think that anything was meant by what he wrote. for all i know his emtions he wrote down and wants me to read could be reasoning as to why we didnt work or that we had a good time BUT ... etc . Pissed? Sure, I would be too because he is being selfish, as you identified already, but it is him being cruel at the same time. There you go, that's what is fueling the positive emotions in this, the false hope. What he has to say might bring you closure, I doubt it, but might instill even more false hope. I guess, I would say that to save yourself the trouble, since he is being selfish you might as well too, don't listen to what he has to say and move on, because it won't bring you what you really want AND it is indeed his problem now since he chose to end the relationship.
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