jealousy killed my relationship is it the point of no return?

[k100danny]

Basically i got into a relationship with a very good friend. i had been attracted for a long time but i have some confidence issues ect so didnt persue it, anyway in the end we got together and she was very happy. she had always liked me i knew that and all of her friends told me how happy she was and said that she saw a future with me. anyway i started to get jealous very quickly, i have an anxious insecure attachment style and this made me start a lot of arguements which later i thought were stupid. It drove me to the point of feeling very ill and losing lots of weight. I know i need to work on these issues and i am now seeing a psychotherapist.

 

I cant help feel i threw something away that could have been good because of my jealous ways. she was always very honest with me and i liked everything about her so why did i get so jealous? I didnt take the break up well and contacted her a lot. i think i have pushed the great feelings and memories from her head now. we have decided to try and be friends and i have been honest and said that i still have feelings but understand it cant be the same after the way i acted she would never get those feelings back. I do want us to be friends if we cant be together but it will obviously take time. I guess what im asking is if someone acted this way with you would you ever be able to look past that and see them for the person that you liked? Im usually quite relaxed when not in a relationship and people think im funny , charming ect then i turn into something horrible, i dont want to feel that way again and i know i need to work on my issues but i feel ive messed it up with someone who could have been otherwise a great match for me.

[shalisha42]

Hi Danny! I'm sorry about your break up. However, I think there may be a way to salvage your relationship. However, you must stop texting her, emailing her and contacting her. Lots of people get jealous and it ruins their relationship. However, this is quite different than breaking up because of infidelity. So here's what you do - or rather - don't do.

 

1. Don't be friends with her - there's no one at this point you can honestly be friends with her. You still have feelings for her so it would be a lie for you to say "let's just be friends." No contact is the best policy.

 

2. Tell her that you agree with her and respect her decision about not being together anymore. By agreeing with her, and leaving her alone, she will start to have second thoughts.

 

3. Go get help. You obviously need guidance from a therapist about why it is you get so afraid you are going to lose this woman. But don't tell her anything about your going to a therapist, trying to change, etc. Just tell her that you've thought about this whole thing and that she is right - you both need time apart. Then leave her alone. Do not contact her anymore. I promise you, if you leave the situation alone, she will contact you. Once she contacts you, email us again and we'll (I'll) help you through the next steps okay?

 

In the meantime, be good to yourself, go out with your guy friends, have some fun. You deserve it!

[Zabs]

Couldn't have said it better myself... reverse psychology works great in identifying 'what' a person really wants.

 

Zabs xx:cool:

[k100danny]

Thanks for the kind words guys. I have started to see someone for my anxiety issues, i have panic disorder and she knew about this, infact one of the things i loved about her was that she didnt run away in hearing it and i felt i could be myself around her at least at first. she is doing a masters of psychology now she has finished her degree in psychology so i think reverse psychology is out of the question. I dont want to trick her into being with me at all.

 

She fell for me and how i am flaws and all but when im not in a relationship im relatively easy going and fun to be around and i found myself getting jealous very quickly and almost trying to please her which was stupid because she was so happy with me in the first place, now i could maybe think that she just told me she was so happy ect as some people do in relationships but upon meeting her friends they knew a lot about me and said they had never seen her like this with a guy before so i assume she wouldnt lie to them.

 

I really did struggle after the break up and i think if i hadnt have contacted her so much we would have got back together very quickly but its been a while now and im not sure if because of my actions ect i have managed to totally push her away and forget why she liked me. I know because of some of the arguments i have forgotten a lot about her but i know when we got together i was happy with everything about her, she was kind, intelligent, similar backgrounds growing up and values so it seemed very natural. If ive made a mess of it then i guess i have to just work on my issues and make sure this doesnt happen again with someone who is a good match for me. I wish i could have realised i had these issues before this relationship started and we might have been able to make a better go of it but hindsight doesnt do anything does it.

[Zabs]

It depends on your perspective really. Either way NC helps to heal the self.

 

Zabs xx

[Zabs]

and..provides opportunity for them to reflect on what life is like without you.