confusedandlos30 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I am 30 years old an single but recently started messing around with a guy that i have known all my life, we havent spoke in years up until last year,then constantly spoke on regurlar basis. After about 6 months we started flirting with one another an talked about sex alot,well recently he was in my area on a trip with friends,an we meet up 2 times an had the most amazing time together,now i know he is unhappy with his wife of 10 years an i sense he misses me ,him an i have some special bond between us an have yet to figure it out,so do anyone think this is just sex or if there;s something more.....???
MissBee Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Welll to be honest, thus far this seems to be one of the age old affair formulas: Girl connects (often non-face-to-face) with taken guy and things escalate to sexual messages. He is so unhappy in his marriage and she is told explicitly or believes that she is the answer to his marriage problems and that what is going on is that they are in fact meant to be together... They mess around and then the attachment grows and the feeling of there being a special bond and the confusion ensues and then you can end up on a message board trying to decode your love. This special bond may just be an illusion and I think it is a lot harder to have a clear picture of a relationship that is secret, you talk mostly through text, you rarely see each other and there is another person in the picture.
whichwayisup Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I am 30 years old an single but recently started messing around with a guy that i have known all my life, we havent spoke in years up until last year, The thing is, you DON'T know him. So what if you've 'known' him all your life, fact is, up until last year you haven't spoken to him in a very long time, nor have you been IN his daily life. You 'used' to know him, but not anymore. He's married, for 10 years. He's lying to his wife about messing around behind his back, so don't fool yourself into believing he isn't lying to YOU about the status of his marriage. he's probably selfish and only thinking of himself. If his marriage was that bad, he'd be divorced already, not sniffing around for some action on the side. And, if he was a TRUE friend, someone who respected you, honoured you as his friend, he wouldn't be treating you as a side dish. And you'd be IN his life as a friend and you'd know his wife too! be a part of their lives. Hope this makes sense to you. Whether or not he loves or cares about you, doesn't change the fact he has a ring on his finger and he's married. He's in the wrong to be offering himself up to you! Knowing he's married and choosing to mess around with him is just going to lead to your heart hurting.
fooled once Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I am 30 years old an single but recently started messing around with a guy that i have known all my life, we havent spoke in years up until last year,then constantly spoke on regurlar basis. After about 6 months we started flirting with one another an talked about sex alot,well recently he was in my area on a trip with friends,an we meet up 2 times an had the most amazing time together,now i know he is unhappy with his wife of 10 years an i sense he misses me ,him an i have some special bond between us an have yet to figure it out,so do anyone think this is just sex or if there;s something more.....??? I am constantly amazed at the people who 'reconnect' with someone from their past and start having sex. What happened to courting someone, dating someone, taking the time to get to know someone NOW (you know the him from years ago, since even you say you didn't keep in touch) and not just jumping into the sack with them? Have we as a society become such needy desperate people that we think sex = love or lasting relationship? Of course he is unhappy with his wife and instead of addressing it or separating, he just chose to drop his pants. Great guy. Shows his maturing and his inability to be faithful or loyal. Do you really think he is going to tell you how much he loves his wife? To do so would equal him having to put more work into getting you into bed. By playing the poor victim, he gets your sympathy, you stroke his ego and boom, you guys are having sex. IMHO, this is just sex. Men who respect women don't cheat on their wife nor jump into bed with someone they haven't seen in years. Men normally don't respect women who are easy. Sure, they have sex with them, but they don't normally plan a future with them, at least in my view (and my husbands!) Welll to be honest, thus far this seems to be one of the age old affair formulas: Girl connects (often non-face-to-face) with taken guy and things escalate to sexual messages. He is so unhappy in his marriage and she is told explicitly or believes that she is the answer to his marriage problems and that what is going on is that they are in fact meant to be together... They mess around and then the attachment grows and the feeling of there being a special bond and the confusion ensues and then you can end up on a message board trying to decode your love. This special bond may just be an illusion and I think it is a lot harder to have a clear picture of a relationship that is secret, you talk mostly through text, you rarely see each other and there is another person in the picture. yep
alexandria35 Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I am constantly amazed at the people who 'reconnect' with someone from their past and start having sex. What happened to courting someone, dating someone, taking the time to get to know someone NOW (you know the him from years ago, since even you say you didn't keep in touch) and not just jumping into the sack with them? Have we as a society become such needy desperate people that we think sex = love or lasting relationship? Of course he is unhappy with his wife and instead of addressing it or separating, he just chose to drop his pants. Great guy. Shows his maturing and his inability to be faithful or loyal. Do you really think he is going to tell you how much he loves his wife? To do so would equal him having to put more work into getting you into bed. By playing the poor victim, he gets your sympathy, you stroke his ego and boom, you guys are having sex. IMHO, this is just sex. Men who respect women don't cheat on their wife nor jump into bed with someone they haven't seen in years. Men normally don't respect women who are easy. Sure, they have sex with them, but they don't normally plan a future with them, at least in my view (and my husbands!) 100% agree! I've noticed that a lot of affairs seem to start by sex talk via email, texting or phone and then the first face to face BAM! Clothes are flying of and the horny pair is getting busy and then they think they're in love...WTF? When did straight up sex replace dating? In my last long term relationship we had an overwhelming intense sexual chemistry that I had never experienced before right from our first date. Nonetheless we had a proper period of dating and getting to know each other before we got naked. I held off on the sex for about 5 months and we saw each other a lot during that time. Every Sat and Sun and usually a couple of evenings during the work week too. After that amount of time we were so hot for each other we would pratically be smoking whenever we were in the same vincinity....lol. I wasn't trying to play hard to get, as a matter of fact sometimes it was he who had to put the brakes on when things were steaming up, we just wanted to feel like we were on solid ground together before we added sex to the mix. We had a long 8 yr relationship and it had a lot of troubles but we always expressed a kind of admiration for each other in the tender and respectful way we handled our beginning. I'll always respect him for that and I know he respects me too. OP you haven't known this guy all your life. Maybe you knew him once a long time ago, but if you haven't seen him or spoken to him for years than you don't really know him now. You ask if this is just sex. Well if you want to know the answer to that, take the sex out of your relationship with him. Tell him you don't it to be just about sex and then cut off all the sex talk. Tell him if wants to be with you he has to court you and take you on dates and treat with manners and respect. See what happens then.
MissBee Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I am constantly amazed at the people who 'reconnect' with someone from their past and start having sex. What happened to courting someone, dating someone, taking the time to get to know someone NOW (you know the him from years ago, since even you say you didn't keep in touch) and not just jumping into the sack with them? Have we as a society become such needy desperate people that we think sex = love or lasting relationship? Of course he is unhappy with his wife and instead of addressing it or separating, he just chose to drop his pants. Great guy. Shows his maturing and his inability to be faithful or loyal. Do you really think he is going to tell you how much he loves his wife? To do so would equal him having to put more work into getting you into bed. By playing the poor victim, he gets your sympathy, you stroke his ego and boom, you guys are having sex. IMHO, this is just sex. Men who respect women don't cheat on their wife nor jump into bed with someone they haven't seen in years. Men normally don't respect women who are easy. Sure, they have sex with them, but they don't normally plan a future with them, at least in my view (and my husbands!) yep Great post!
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