endings

[heartinlove]

So MM decided to stay in his marriage. Being out of the house and away from his children and feeling the pain he has caused his wife and his family has been overwhelming.

 

I am not surprised of the choice. I am in a strange way relieved. I saw how difficult or impossible it would be if he and I were together from this place of him being in so much pain. All along, I believed he needed to go back to the marriage and decide without me present whether his marriage is what he wants. This way he would leave for himself not to be with me. Neither one of us was ever strong enough to do it. If I had this to do over, I would have stayed strong on that much earlier.

 

Its really strange how peaceful I am. I am grateful this affair is OVER. No more fear, anxiety, uncertainty of what he will choose. No more being sad that we can't spend real time together. No more of this consuming my life. I feel like I have my life back. We had a loving completion talk. Its odd to love someone so completely, to know how loved I am, but to be glad this is done.

 

I really, really see how you cannot start a great relationship on the bed of other peoples pain. Why affairs usually end with MM choosing the marriage is because they were inside a commitment with a wife that was not complete when the affair starts. And how can you really complete a marriage with a third party present. The whole set up doesn't work.

 

I have gotten so many awareness this whole journey. Im so clear, i will never have another affair.

 

As to MM. If we are meant to be in the future, we will be, but it won't be because of my involvement. I, though, am putting all my energy into moving on and attracting someone available. I will pray for all of us, he, his wife and myself that we all can heal from this.

[round1]

Wow your story has moved me.

You are a brave, strong woman and i send you a hug.

 

What you have written is very true. I feel every word you wrote.

 

 

I wish you all the love and happiness in the world.

x

[Circular]

I've always looked at my A as a journey; a path hidden in the woods that I discovered and decided to follow. I didn't know exactly where the path would lead, or how it would end but the things along the path were so different and unique that it was worth the trip. You don't know exactly what you'll find, but on my journey I found parts of myself, parts I had forgotten about that once had meaning. It was good for me to find those, re-integrate them and become more whole again.

 

When I ended my A it was a mixture of relief and deep sadness. Relief that the uncertainty was gone, the ups/downs of the rollercoaster, fears of a d-day and the no longer wondering what she was thinking in regards to where it was going. And, like you just letting go of wondering when we were going to spend real time together. Sadness over losing someone I truly love, a good friend, confidant, someone who could make me laugh and knowing that that would be gone forever. Even though we stay in touch loosely it's hardly even what was once our friendship.

 

For me the only downside is that it comes and goes in phases; I'm fine for awhile, then something happens, I see a movie, or hear something and it triggers something and it reminds me how connected we once were. I've learned to accept that and just push it out of my mind. My feelings are similar to yours though, if it's meant to be then somehow it'll come to be at some point in time.

 

I think you handled the situation and yourself impeccably through the process, and even though the end result might not have been what deep in your heart you truly wanted it is an answer and answers provide clarity. When we have clarity it becomes much easier to move forward, uncertainty only leads to confusion and rumination.

 

I wish you the best and strength as you move forward.

[missy268]

I'm doing exactly the same - Moving forwards, well trying to, its strange how empowering it can be, yet how sad it can be as well

 

Ive not seen my AP for 2 weeks - it will be 2 weeks on Saturday that I told him no more and initiated no contact

 

Have the past 2 weeks been easy? No, they have been hellish, i even spent Saturday night curled up on the sofa, watching a soppy film crying, and yes i nearly phoned him but i thought NO!

 

My AP isn't married, he lives with his girlfriend , no children - but it looks like he has chosen her even though 4 weeks ago he told me he was leaving her - he still hadn't so i decided enough is enough! i can't do it no more, the anxiety, the sleepness nights, It's not right a relationship , esepcially a new one should be full of sleepness nights for the right reasons - nevermind anixety over whether he is going to leave his other girlfriend or not!

 

Like you, i want his decision to leave to be on his own - I dont want anything to do with it, no influence, no nothing, If he wants me, then its all or nothing! which is why ive walked! If its meant to be, im sure time will sort it all out - whether we end up together, or with different partners, either way, im carrying on with my life!

 

If anything my A has taught me, is self worth....and I hope our A might of taught him something too - maybe to keep his trousers on? who knows!

 

I wish you luck in your journey x x

[MissBee]

So MM decided to stay in his marriage. Being out of the house and away from his children and feeling the pain he has caused his wife and his family has been overwhelming.

 

I am not surprised of the choice. I am in a strange way relieved. I saw how difficult or impossible it would be if he and I were together from this place of him being in so much pain. All along, I believed he needed to go back to the marriage and decide without me present whether his marriage is what he wants. This way he would leave for himself not to be with me. Neither one of us was ever strong enough to do it. If I had this to do over, I would have stayed strong on that much earlier.

 

Its really strange how peaceful I am. I am grateful this affair is OVER. No more fear, anxiety, uncertainty of what he will choose. No more being sad that we can't spend real time together. No more of this consuming my life. I feel like I have my life back. We had a loving completion talk. Its odd to love someone so completely, to know how loved I am, but to be glad this is done.

 

I really, really see how you cannot start a great relationship on the bed of other peoples pain . Why affairs usually end with MM choosing the marriage is because they were inside a commitment with a wife that was not complete when the affair starts. And how can you really complete a marriage with a third party present. The whole set up doesn't work.

 

I have gotten so many awareness this whole journey. Im so clear, i will never have another affair.

 

As to MM. If we are meant to be in the future, we will be, but it won't be because of my involvement. I, though, am putting all my energy into moving on and attracting someone available. I will pray for all of us, he, his wife and myself that we all can heal from this.

 

I'm happy for you. Sounds like a great place to be in. The rollercoaster may come later on of emotions but if you at least have an understanding and comprehensive picture of the whole thing it's a lot easier to manage.

 

I particularly agree with the bolded and experienced that myself.

[SunsetRed]

You sound very wise and healthy. I know that your wisdom and positive outlook on your situation will cause you to attract a very healthy situation to your life.

 

I hope to never be involved with another separated/married man again.

 

I love the quote I've seen on here and cant wait for it to be true for me. It goes "I have a married man. He's my lover and my best friend. He is my husband."

 

Good luck, peace and hugs to you!

[heartinlove]

I've always looked at my A as a journey; a path hidden in the woods that I discovered and decided to follow. I didn't know exactly where the path would lead, or how it would end but the things along the path were so different and unique that it was worth the trip. You don't know exactly what you'll find, but on my journey I found parts of myself, parts I had forgotten about that once had meaning. It was good for me to find those, re-integrate them and become more whole again.

 

When I ended my A it was a mixture of relief and deep sadness. Relief that the uncertainty was gone, the ups/downs of the rollercoaster, fears of a d-day and the no longer wondering what she was thinking in regards to where it was going. And, like you just letting go of wondering when we were going to spend real time together. Sadness over losing someone I truly love, a good friend, confidant, someone who could make me laugh and knowing that that would be gone forever. Even though we stay in touch loosely it's hardly even what was once our friendship.

 

For me the only downside is that it comes and goes in phases; I'm fine for awhile, then something happens, I see a movie, or hear something and it triggers something and it reminds me how connected we once were. I've learned to accept that and just push it out of my mind. My feelings are similar to yours though, if it's meant to be then somehow it'll come to be at some point in time.

 

I think you handled the situation and yourself impeccably through the process, and even though the end result might not have been what deep in your heart you truly wanted it is an answer and answers provide clarity. When we have clarity it becomes much easier to move forward, uncertainty only leads to confusion and rumination.

 

I wish you the best and strength as you move forward.

 

Thanks so much for your post Circular. It really touched me. I really relate to the bolded part. I have been taking some time to process all of this.

 

I have to say I am so grateful for the clarity. It truly is allowing me to move forward in a healthy way. I feel like one of the lucky ones that I got to complete this with love and understanding with MM. There are so many emotions that occur in an affair like this, and I can see how people shut down and become distant as a way to deal with all the feelings.

 

I am grateful that in my case MM and I were able to see everything clearly and what needs to be done and that in the end we got to complete inside of respect and also really acknowledging what we have experienced together. I respect his decision to be in his marriage and to make a decision based on his marriage without me in the picture.

 

I have to say I will always miss him and love him tremendously. I will have to go through the process of feeling all of that, but at the same time he will always be a part of me, and who knows what the future holds. I do know if we are ever together again, it will come from a healthy space and from him being truly available. If not, I am grateful for the time we shared. Maybe because these last few months have been exhausting, this allows me the ability and peace to move on.

 

I hope you are doing well in your life, and again thanks for your posts. I see so much of my own experience in them.

[heartinlove]

You sound very wise and healthy. I know that your wisdom and positive outlook on your situation will cause you to attract a very healthy situation to your life.

 

I hope to never be involved with another separated/married man again.

 

I love the quote I've seen on here and cant wait for it to be true for me. It goes "I have a married man. He's my lover and my best friend. He is my husband."

 

Good luck, peace and hugs to you!

 

Peace and Hugs to you to Sunset. I too am done with affairs. I believe you will one day be able say that quote about your life. I wish that for you!

[heartinlove]

I'm doing exactly the same - Moving forwards, well trying to, its strange how empowering it can be, yet how sad it can be as well

 

Ive not seen my AP for 2 weeks - it will be 2 weeks on Saturday that I told him no more and initiated no contact

 

Have the past 2 weeks been easy? No, they have been hellish, i even spent Saturday night curled up on the sofa, watching a soppy film crying, and yes i nearly phoned him but i thought NO!

 

My AP isn't married, he lives with his girlfriend , no children - but it looks like he has chosen her even though 4 weeks ago he told me he was leaving her - he still hadn't so i decided enough is enough! i can't do it no more, the anxiety, the sleepness nights, It's not right a relationship , esepcially a new one should be full of sleepness nights for the right reasons - nevermind anixety over whether he is going to leave his other girlfriend or not!

 

Like you, i want his decision to leave to be on his own - I dont want anything to do with it, no influence, no nothing, If he wants me, then its all or nothing! which is why ive walked! If its meant to be, im sure time will sort it all out - whether we end up together, or with different partners, either way, im carrying on with my life!

 

If anything my A has taught me, is self worth....and I hope our A might of taught him something too - maybe to keep his trousers on? who knows!

 

I wish you luck in your journey x x

 

Good Luck to you too Missy. I hope you are still not in contact. Better to move on and if its meant to be it will. I am so happy to be free of the sleepless nights and anxiety. I have been sleeping like a baby again. I wish you the best!

[heartinlove]

Thanks Miss Bee and Round 1 as well for the good wishes. I am doing well now and hope to stay strong in all of this.

[Gentlegirl]

I've always looked at my A as a journey; a path hidden in the woods that I discovered and decided to follow. I didn't know exactly where the path would lead, or how it would end but the things along the path were so different and unique that it was worth the trip. You don't know exactly what you'll find, but on my journey I found parts of myself, parts I had forgotten about that once had meaning. It was good for me to find those, re-integrate them and become more whole again.

 

When I ended my A it was a mixture of relief and deep sadness. Relief that the uncertainty was gone, the ups/downs of the rollercoaster, fears of a d-day and the no longer wondering what she was thinking in regards to where it was going. And, like you just letting go of wondering when we were going to spend real time together. Sadness over losing someone I truly love, a good friend, confidant, someone who could make me laugh and knowing that that would be gone forever. Even though we stay in touch loosely it's hardly even what was once our friendship.

 

For me the only downside is that it comes and goes in phases; I'm fine for awhile, then something happens, I see a movie, or hear something and it triggers something and it reminds me how connected we once were. I've learned to accept that and just push it out of my mind. My feelings are similar to yours though, if it's meant to be then somehow it'll come to be at some point in time.

 

I think you handled the situation and yourself impeccably through the process, and even though the end result might not have been what deep in your heart you truly wanted it is an answer and answers provide clarity. When we have clarity it becomes much easier to move forward, uncertainty only leads to confusion and rumination.

 

I wish you the best and strength as you move forward.

 

I liken my A to a journey through the UNDERWORLD! Deep, hidden , dark and painful.

 

The memories do come and go. They are powerful and throw on backwards in time. However, they are just memories now.

 

I was going along well, until last week. Flew to a city where I had been with xMM this time last year. It made me very miserable indeed for a day or so. Had to come back home through the same city and air terminals last night. It caused the same painful memories.

 

The important thing is to keep on living a life and not to dwell in the past too often.

 

I feel as though I have come out to the darkness of the hell I lived in for almost 3 years now.

 

It was a journey, never to be repeated.

 

Gentlegirl.

[Gentlegirl]

Sunset, your real life is starting again.

 

You have shown lot of good grace and made a very dignified exit.

 

There could be emotional repurcussion later as you probably know. Memories are powerful triggers for pleasure and pain.

 

Meanwhile... all my best wishes are with you.

 

Gentlegirl

[Gentlegirl]

Sorry HEARTINLOVE. I addressed you as Sunset.

 

Senior's Moment!

 

GG