Mar1neOne Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Hey, This is my 4th day NC and now my ex is sending weird texts to see if she can get me to answer her another way.... Yesterday it was "what did i do?" followed my "are you never talking to me again and not telling me?" Now 5 minutes ago I got this... "Thanks a lot" I presume this is to get me to ask what I did.... Of course, it does make me curious, but no way in hell am I gonna ask her.
Zabs Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Sometimes people just want an answer. In my experience, if you gave a definitive 'Yes it's over' I suspect she would find another way. The reaon I believe that is because otherwise your silence would be answer enough. The other thing is that is there any patterns of this type of behaviour in your relationship? Zabs xx
Author Mar1neOne Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 Oh yeah, there is a pattern.... She actually left me, not me leaving her... She is bi-polar.... I don't understand how people can leave someone and expect to still get to talk with them and get their support.. These people are delusional and only care about themselves.
Zabs Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Do she definitely have bi-polar? Many people throw terms like that about without knowing exactly what is going on. I have the same but as I have also studied, I manage mine decidedly better than most. My ex has BP and sometimes it feels like you are dealing with petulent child...I totally get it!!! There is no middles with the condition..extremely difficult circumstances and if you don't know what trigger your ex has...even more so! It sounds like she is scared of losing control. She obviously thought you were more predictable than how you are behaving and this is confusing for her. The thing is, as a person with severe mood swings, I would advise you to stick to your guns. It dies not help to have someone that will just 'put up with' unacceptable behaviour. Boundaries have to be put in place. You will not be doing her or yourself any favours if you don't Zabs xx;)
Author Mar1neOne Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 Do she definitely have bi-polar? Many people throw terms like that about without knowing exactly what is going on. I have the same but as I have also studied, I manage mine decidedly better than most. My ex has BP and sometimes it feels like you are dealing with petulent child...I totally get it!!! There is no middles with the condition..extremely difficult circumstances and if you don't know what trigger your ex has...even more so! It sounds like she is scared of losing control. She obviously thought you were more predictable than how you are behaving and this is confusing for her. The thing is, as a person with severe mood swings, I would advise you to stick to your guns. It dies not help to have someone that will just 'put up with' unacceptable behaviour. Boundaries have to be put in place. You will not be doing her or yourself any favours if you don't Zabs xx;) Yeah, she was diagnosed two years ago last month. She is supposed to take meds, but goes on and off of them at her whim. One year and 10 months ago she up and left our marriage and four kids for a guy she dated once in highschool.... They married a month after our divorce and several months later they were divorced.... I made the mistake of forgiving her, because I blamed everything on the illness.... Over the last 13 months I have taken care of her and been there when she needed hospitalized and visited her everyday. She is truly my soul mate, but i cannot do this anymore... She left me 3.5 weeks ago when she started playing with her meds again. I know she has been messing around with other guys now, and I can't forgive her this time. I know that part of what she is doing is the illness, but I cannot get it out of my head this time. This is not the girl I was married to for all of those years... A completely different person now.
Zabs Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I am sorry to hear that. I guess all I can say is that we are all here just the once. There are no cakes, beer ****** in Heaven, so live your life for the now.... We all have our thresholds and it sounds like you have reached yours. You were together 4 years? You had a heartbeat before that..get back to it...but make it better! Nuff love, Zabs xx
Author Mar1neOne Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 No, much longer than 4 years. We were married in 1998, got divorced last year, but have been together for the last 9 months. We also have 4 kids together(they all live with me)... .This whole thing has been a mess... Somewhere in the last year I have lost my own self-respect because I put up with this. I deserve much better.
Zabs Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 It is good that you realise that Mar1! You do and so do the 4! Zabs xx
StellaA Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 My ex is bipolar but seems to be ok when he has no stress or anyone to think about. I love him and he can be the kindest person...we also used to laugh so much but he could be selfish without even realising it which hurt and they say bipolar is a very selfish illness. Im so sad that this illness has come between us. He dumped me, i was willing to support him but he wanted space. I can't do anything to change that so i have to move on
Zabs Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Bi polar essentially means no middles. High elation, deep depression that's it. In my experience, I only know how I feel. Ie: I have a Brother. I don't see him often and he has had issues in the past. I would die for him..and and soooo protective...but when I am with him I almost sit on him...and I am loud and in his face and later..I have no recollection of how that might have made him feel. Obviously he is my Brother. He knows how I am but people in relationships, it is different for them. Zabs xx
Author Mar1neOne Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 My ex is bipolar but seems to be ok when he has no stress or anyone to think about. I love him and he can be the kindest person...we also used to laugh so much but he could be selfish without even realising it which hurt and they say bipolar is a very selfish illness. Im so sad that this illness has come between us. He dumped me, i was willing to support him but he wanted space. I can't do anything to change that so i have to move on My ex is completely selfish when she is like this. She literally cannot see past herself. Everything is about her and her feelings. She doesn't realize that others are dealing with her disease also. She used to be completely different. There was a time she would do anything to make me happy and now she could just careless, unless it affects her in someway.
StellaA Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 It is such a sad illness and really hard being in a relationship. My ex was really loving but would be selfish and i would always make excuses for him because i knew how kind he wad. He would do things for me and was so caring but wouldthen fo thingswhich would be so selfish but i dont think he even knew he was doing it. I miss him so much but i guess i have to start looking after me as he is not coming back
Zabs Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Do you suffer from bipolar zabs? Sadly, I do. The diagnosis is new but I have had this problem all my life and never really knew. The joke is my ex...he knew...but then there's alot in the saying it takes one to know one.
StellaA Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Zabs....do you think he had it 2 or just didn't support you? Did he break up with you or the other way round?
Author Mar1neOne Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Sadly, I do. The diagnosis is new but I have had this problem all my life and never really knew. The joke is my ex...he knew...but then there's alot in the saying it takes one to know one. It's nuts because I have been willing to completely support my ex because I love her. She hasn't worked in a few years and she generally does not like to do any kind of house work. I have done it all. I know I am a good looking guy, and I know she still finds me attractive. I don't understand why she wanted to leave me, except to be able to go to bars and clubs now with her knew friend that is 20 years older than her. Sorry, I am having a bad morning thinking about her. I hate not being able to talk to my best friend, but I know it is what is best for now.
Zabs Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Zabs....do you think he had it 2 or just didn't support you? Did he break up with you or the other way round? Yes he has it too. We are both going through treatment process atm. I am further through than he is, also my training has helped me immensely. He broke up with me. Zabs xx
Zabs Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Sorry, I am having a bad morning thinking about her. I hate not being able to talk to my best friend, but I know it is what is best for now. we are all here 4 u Mar Zabs xx
Author Mar1neOne Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 we are all here 4 u Mar Zabs xx Thanks Zabs! I love reading your posts, because they always make me feel better.
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