round1 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Hi. I have mostly spent the time since he told his wife, worrying about her, feeling sad for her and guilty. However past few days, a sadness has hit me. Sad to lose my MM. Yet his behaviour and the way he has just dismissed me like I was never part of his life and his words all make me Hate him. But I feel like I am morning him. I saw him today , the morning school run. I then saw her today, the evening school run. It was life a knife in my heart. I have been overcome with emotions since. I am bothered that they seem to be getting on with life, he has not learnt a lesson, and it angers me. But also I glad for their children they have decides to work on it. I am slightly jealous, but I would never want him now I am sad that the mm who I knew is not there, to talk to, to share. I miss things about him. I feel a emotional wreck. I am crying a lot. I don't want to be upset by a man who was so horrible in the end. A man who did nothing but dump on me, but I do. It is having a profound affect on me, my mood. I guess it's a phase. I just feel unable to cope at the moment and seeing them united, I feel they are ok, will work it out, amd I am the daft one left morning the relationship. I am just can not understand why it was him, not wanting me to leave, end things, telling me his life will be bad without me. That I will always be in his heart forever as he Has never shared so much and told anyone as much as me. It was me who had him crying on my shoulder , all to often really It was him shouting at me saying it was more than an affair, if he wanted sex he could get it anywhere. Saying he invested his feelings because he wanted to, because I mean so much. I am analysing all he has ever said. I don't want to , but can not find the strenght to stop. I know when the crap hit the wall, he would have realised that the marriage, kids, business and homes and cars where more important, I see the logic ...but it hurts..hurts me... Sorry I just am having a awful day.
FirstNobleTruth Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I'm so sorry you are in pain, round1. It won't last forever, but I know it hurts right now. You are not alone. I wish you well.
Paper Roses Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I wish I had something comforting to say but I really don't. I am so sorry you are in this pain. It's got to be very hard to have to actually see them all the time. I hope time will help to heal you and we are here listening if you want to talk. I don't know you but I do care that you are hurting. Best to you.
Fight4Me Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I, too, am really very sorry for the pain you are in right now. You sound like such a sweet compassionate person, and I hope you go easy on yourself especially since you did the right thing for the BW in the situation. I want to add that no matter how normal they appear right now, nothing could be further from the truth. Take it from a fBW, there is a great deal of turmoil going on in their lives. But in the aftermath of an A, the wheels of life still keep on turning... children need to be picked up from school, groceries need to be purchased, people have to go to work, etc. You are witness only to a snapshot of their public lives, but their private lives (together and/or individually) is a whole different ball of wax. I really hope they are working it out the RIGHT way, and I especially hope she is holding his feet to the fire and gathering personal strength for herself, but regardless, there is a serious amount of pain involved. As for you, PLEASE give yourself permission to grieve and forgive yourself. I pray you get through this phase quickly. (((hugs)))
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