musicSaves12 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I was seeing a girl for a little over 2 years. It was a little complicated at times but we both had a good connection and had great chemistry. We had a lot in common and I could always show her a good time with exciting and new things to do. I gave her space so she could hang out with her large family and travel as I also liked to be able to hang out and do what I wanted to do. Recently (last couple weeks) she started telling me that she just wanted to be friends for a long time and that she doesn't see us together in the future. Now on to the second problem, she wants to get to know some guy her cousins introduced her to. At the break up she said she blew him off because of me but now she want to be fair and all and get to know him better. That sucks and all but what can I do right? I told her that I can’t just be her friend while she moves on and gets to know this guy and possibly date him. However, with only two days of not calling, talking or seeing her like usual she sends me a facebook message about how she didn’t want it to end this way but doesn’t know what else to do. She told me she thinks the world of me and I’m truly the sweetest person and that if I want to be friends or need someone to talk to she said she would always be there for me. Ugh. Should I move on? Try and get her back? ( I would like that) However, I’m just going to keep my distance for now. I don’t want to be stuck in the friends zone
carhill Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Should I move on? Sure, and be sure to gush with pride about your new girlfriend since 'she said she would always be there for me'. The reality is she's done with you and her lips are moving to rationalize the process in the least guilt-forming manner. I've been carefully observing this dynamic since my exW and I got divorced, as a science experiment, and the results are proving to be a great education. Luckily, my best friend enjoys such experiments so we're having a little fun. For you though, as a young man, fuggetabout that kind of stuff and move on to a healthier woman for yourself.
Ajax Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 It doesn't sound like you're in the "Friend Zone" as much as the "Ex Zone." Neither are places you want to be in. It is rough and I sympathize. It sounds like she's pretty much made her choice and is trying to let you down as easily as she can. That's little comfort though. Wanting to give another guy a "fair" chance is completely disloyal to you. That shows you what she really wants... someone else. The best think you can do for yourself at this point is to do your best to let her go and move on. Being friends? Well that's great for her since she can keep you as a backup plan and have access to you when she wants. It serves her needs, not yours. Never accept being a backup plan or consolation prize. Cut contact with her. Grieve the relationship and then work towards accepting that its over. When you're feeling down post here. When you feel like picking up the phone and calling your ex, post here. Things will brighten up
TheDovic Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Keep your distance dude. At the moment she is feeling sorry for you and this is extremely unattractive to women! If you really want her back you have to show her you are strong i.e. don't be angry or emotional when you see her, act cool and keep any communication extremely brief. Sounds like you are a nice guy, but unfortunately women don't seem to be attracted to this. This forum is filled with guys like us who have been dumped because ultimately our ex's lost attraction for us. My standard advice to nice guys on this site: Do yourself a favour and read David DeAngelo's "Attraction isn't a choice" & "Double your Dating." No tips, tricks or stupid chat up lines, just basic advice on what women are attracted to and what they aren't. Easy to follow and change how women view you (and I bet like me you were doing ALL the wrong things). PS, if you don't have a Kindle you will need to download the Kindle App to your PC or phone. Both books very cheap on Amazon! Maybe read John Alexander's "get your ex back in 30 days too" as this will stop you from making basic mistakes. It will NOT get her back in 30 days BUT it will give you some great advice so you don't ruin your chances
Author musicSaves12 Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 Yeah, makes since. I always thought I was nice, probably to nice but I could always be witty and put her in her place if she was acting irrational in the past. I don't want to be an A-hole to get a girl. A side note I did tell her I'm not looking to be friends so I did set my limit.
TheDovic Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Yeah, makes since. I always thought I was nice, probably to nice but I could always be witty and put her in her place if she was acting irrational in the past. I don't want to be an A-hole to get a girl. A side note I did tell her I'm not looking to be friends so I did set my limit. I would never recommend being an ******* to a girl. The advice in these books are totally 100% not about that. This is probably why they appealed to me so much because I have respect for women!
Chi townD Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 You're right. You can't be friends with her while you still have feelings for her. And they may not go away for a long time! So, you need to go complete NC from her. This is to include, no texts, e-mails or phonecalls. And, most important, block her on Facebook. Trust me, if she does get together with this guy, you don't want to see pics of her and this guy together. Or status updates with her saying she gets butterflies in her stomach or pet names or...whatever. Just block her.
LelouchIsZero Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I would never recommend being an ******* to a girl. The advice in these books are totally 100% not about that. This is probably why they appealed to me so much because I have respect for women! Have you read "The Game", by Neil Strauss? I'm pretty sure it even includes some of DeAngelo's methods/DeAngelo in it. You should give it a read if you want, as it was a really nice read. Some of the methods suggested in books like these seem to be a bit manipulative, so I hope you avoid picking up using those certain methods, like I do .
Author musicSaves12 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 You're right. You can't be friends with her while you still have feelings for her. And they may not go away for a long time! So, you need to go complete NC from her. This is to include, no texts, e-mails or phonecalls. And, most important, block her on Facebook. Trust me, if she does get together with this guy, you don't want to see pics of her and this guy together. Or status updates with her saying she gets butterflies in her stomach or pet names or...whatever. Just block her. Right, I understand the NC and so far so good. I said my peace without sounding desperate or whining about how I'll want her back or anything of that nature. What happens though If I run into her somewhere? Not saying that it will happen very often but there are a couple places where the chances are very high.
GymRat Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 It doesn't sound like you're in the "Friend Zone" as much as the "Ex Zone." Neither are places you want to be in. It is rough and I sympathize. It sounds like she's pretty much made her choice and is trying to let you down as easily as she can. That's little comfort though. Wanting to give another guy a "fair" chance is completely disloyal to you. That shows you what she really wants... someone else. The best think you can do for yourself at this point is to do your best to let her go and move on. Being friends? Well that's great for her since she can keep you as a backup plan and have access to you when she wants. It serves her needs, not yours. Never accept being a backup plan or consolation prize. Cut contact with her. Grieve the relationship and then work towards accepting that its over. When you're feeling down post here. When you feel like picking up the phone and calling your ex, post here. Things will brighten up This is probably some of the best advice you can get on the situation, I have a similar situation where my ex just lost attraction but now she's seeing someone else who she's already considering spending the rest of her life with (within months), but I made the horrible mistake of trying to be friends and be there in her life while she clearly moved on. There really is no worse feeling, so it dawned on me that the best thing to do is really get rid of anything that reminds you of her and honestly make a conscious effort to move on. Yeah it's possible that things might not work out with her new interest, and that she might come back to you, but being a consolation prize is hardly something we should strive for, and there's no timeline on such a thing. No sense in waiting on pins while she's coasting on the red carpet, and believe me, things get better with time. All the best!
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