abuckeyeleaf Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 So there have been a few new developments for me. I caved and broke NC on Saturday night, the date of our wouldbe anniversary. I simply said "I miss you." He texted back that he missed me too. The next day he started texting about how he wanted to be my friend but he knew he had really hurt me and said some awful things and would understand if I never wanted to see him again. I told him that I couldn't just be his friend - althought he was single to sleep around and/or date as he pleased, it didn't mean i wanted to stick around for the show. He told me that he had not done those things and just needed time to himself, but I was free to do as I pleased. We ended up meeting for a drink and a movie Sunday afternoon. After the movie we sat and talked through a lot of things. He said that the past week it had really hit him what he had done and what he had lost and he thought that from my cool replies to his contact attempts that I had moved on, especially since I hadn't initiated contact. He said that when he saw me Sunday afternoon it just hit him how much he loved me and that he really wanted to be with me. He told me that he realized how lucky he'd been and was so thankful that I loved him so much. He said that he had been struggling with a lot of issues but he was working on them and wanted me back and said he was 100% sure that he wanted this relationship and that he loved me. It's funny how things work out. Maybe the third time is a charm. NC is definitely not something to use to try to win them back, because he may not have come back - he thought I had moved on. It is a tool to help us heal. It's going to take a while for me to trust him again and it's going to take work, but it's definitely off to a good start.
othersideofthepillow Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Wow that is great for you!!!! It's nice to finally see someone on here with a success story instead of something that doesn't give the rest of us hope!!!! How long were the two of you broken up for? Right now I have been single for going on three months (dumpee) and just a week ago i got a text from my ex (after i had told her i cannot be just her friend and to not contact me) saying that she missed me, was sorry for things, how theres a lot of time time thinks of me and realizes how bad she messed up/pushed me away, trying to show up at my job when i got off to talk but i got off early and she didnt tell me she was coming, scheduled to meet for coffee but than she cancelled cause she said she looked awful....but now has become distant again. Any tips for me?
brokenheartedinaz Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 That's so awesome! I hope that one day things will work out like that for me too! NC has been so hard, but I feel if he were to see me again then he would remember what he felt too. Too bad we don't really have any mutual friends and don't live close enough to where we would run in to one another by accident. Oh well...I guess it's up to fate. I wish you the best!
Author abuckeyeleaf Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 Wow that is great for you!!!! It's nice to finally see someone on here with a success story instead of something that doesn't give the rest of us hope!!!! How long were the two of you broken up for? Right now I have been single for going on three months (dumpee) and just a week ago i got a text from my ex (after i had told her i cannot be just her friend and to not contact me) saying that she missed me, was sorry for things, how theres a lot of time time thinks of me and realizes how bad she messed up/pushed me away, trying to show up at my job when i got off to talk but i got off early and she didnt tell me she was coming, scheduled to meet for coffee but than she cancelled cause she said she looked awful....but now has become distant again. Any tips for me? We were broken up one day shy of a month. My advice since you are a guy is to make contact and tell her how you feel. If she's reaching out it's either because she really misses you or she thrives on attention/drama which she's not getting due to NC. I don't know her so I can't give my opinion of which it is. I think it takes the dumper at least a few weeks to get over the initial relief of the drama of the relationship and stop thinking of just the bad times. My former ex now current said that the first couple of weeks he just kept thinking of the bad things, but the past week or so all he could think of were the good things and how he couldn't believe he let something so good get away. After you're honest with her, lay it on the table about what you want, ie "I want us to get back together." After that, just see what happens. You can't control her but you can control how she impacts you. If she starts playing games, then you know she just misses the attention/drama. At that point, consider it closure and walk away. I do hope that she tells you that she made a mistake and wants to try again. Good luck, keep us posted!
Author abuckeyeleaf Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 That's so awesome! I hope that one day things will work out like that for me too! NC has been so hard, but I feel if he were to see me again then he would remember what he felt too. Too bad we don't really have any mutual friends and don't live close enough to where we would run in to one another by accident. Oh well...I guess it's up to fate. I wish you the best! Thank you! He and I are on opposite sides of the city, an hour apart so we don't have a shot in hell at running into eachother. It just came to a point where I was ready to reach out and it worked out. Good luck!
othersideofthepillow Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 (edited) We were broken up one day shy of a month. My advice since you are a guy is to make contact and tell her how you feel. If she's reaching out it's either because she really misses you or she thrives on attention/drama which she's not getting due to NC. I don't know her so I can't give my opinion of which it is. I think it takes the dumper at least a few weeks to get over the initial relief of the drama of the relationship and stop thinking of just the bad times. My former ex now current said that the first couple of weeks he just kept thinking of the bad things, but the past week or so all he could think of were the good things and how he couldn't believe he let something so good get away. After you're honest with her, lay it on the table about what you want, ie "I want us to get back together." After that, just see what happens. You can't control her but you can control how she impacts you. If she starts playing games, then you know she just misses the attention/drama. At that point, consider it closure and walk away. I do hope that she tells you that she made a mistake and wants to try again. Good luck, keep us posted! thanks for getting back to me i really appreciate it! there are a few parts of your post that are in bold so do you mind if i ask your opinion on thee? 1: since i am the dumpee shouldnt she be coming to me? doesnt me as the dumpee reaching out to her appear needy/lame/desperate? 2&3 : she told me how she misses me and that she is sorry but i didnt say i missed her back or that i forgive her - was that something that i should have done? when she first initiated contact after the break up she told me that all she sees when she sees me is all the fights we had at the end - now she told me how she missed me and felt very alone without me (we are both huge packers football fans and this text came last monday after the game against chicago). she even came to my work without telling me so we could talk (made a point to say shes not crazy either) but since weve not been in much contact she didnt know i leave earlier now so i wasnt there when she got there. but than when i told her to meet me for coffee on her way home she showed up and while i was still on my way she left saying "i look awful dont come". she than tried to text/call me like 20 min after cancellng but i ignored her cause i was hurt she cancelled. i extended a nice offer (now a week after the cancelled coffee meet) to go for a walk with my dog (that we got together) but she said she couldnt cause she was sick. i feel like its just me being blown off.... i mean its coming up on three months now since i got dumped and i still love her but dont know how to proceed especially since just a little over a week ago she sends me the "miss you/sorry/i messed up" text and now seems distant again. doesnt call or text me. what should i do? Edited October 4, 2011 by othersideofthepillow
Author abuckeyeleaf Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 1: since i am the dumpee shouldnt she be coming to me? doesnt me as the dumpee reaching out to her appear needy/lame/desperate? It is the general opinion of the female population (mostly because guys tell us so) that if a guy is interested, he will let us know. If you don't say anything, she may not know you're interested in reconciliation. 2&3 : she told me how she misses me and that she is sorry but i didnt say i missed her back or that i forgive her - was that something that i should have done? when she first initiated contact after the break up she told me that all she sees when she sees me is all the fights we had at the end - now she told me how she missed me and felt very alone without me (we are both huge packers football fans and this text came last monday after the game against chicago). she even came to my work without telling me so we could talk (made a point to say shes not crazy either) but since weve not been in much contact she didnt know i leave earlier now so i wasnt there when she got there. but than when i told her to meet me for coffee on her way home she showed up and while i was still on my way she left saying "i look awful dont come". she than tried to text/call me like 20 min after cancellng but i ignored her cause i was hurt she cancelled. Don't say it just to say it, only say it if you mean it. And just because you're wanting to reconcile, you still need to hold your cards close to the chest. Don't just hand her the hammer and lay your heart on the table so she can make a new jigsaw puzzle. It too my guy a month without me to realize I was the best thing he'd ever had. Maybe she's had that realization. They need that time wtihout us there, without us to turn to, to realize what they had. They can't miss us if we don't go away. Give her the benefit of the doubt, but don't put all of your eggs in one basket. She could have bailed because of nerves. I think that was likely it because she seems to have had remorse and come to her senses, hence trying to call you 20 min later. i extended a nice offer (now a week after the cancelled coffee meet) to go for a walk with my dog (that we got together) but she said she couldnt cause she was sick. i feel like its just me being blown off.... i mean its coming up on three months now since i got dumped and i still love her but dont know how to proceed especially since just a little over a week ago she sends me the "miss you/sorry/i messed up" text and now seems distant again. doesnt call or text me. At this point she needs to **** or get off the pot. Next time she reaches out, call her up and lay it out. Ask her what reason she is contacting you for. Make her find the answers. When she says she misses you, say "what do you want to do about that? What do you want?" Give her a chance to step up. If she gives the run around just cut her off and say, "hey, I miss you too. But you need to decide what you want, either come back around or don't, but I'm not going to wait for you, I'm not a revolving door. I'm moving on with my life and you can either be a part of it or not."
ChelseaLS Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 abuckeyeleaf, THANK YOU for your success story. I wish you both all the best. LOVE this post.
Miss S H Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I am so happy to hear that is worked out, I am the dumpee and it has been 1 and half months and I am still struggling just as much..... I just want him back so much, I am trying so hard to not contact.. although this week I sent a few msgs saying I want to see him and I wanted a hug or something and both times he wrote back I didn't even read the replies! I was that scared if they said something bad i would break down again..... I just want his beautiful soul back xxxxx Good luck to you all, I <3 hearing good stories of getting back together!
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