spider165 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 About three to four weeks ago I finally got a response from my ex fiance who has been ignoring me. This is after I sent her numerous texts, four emails, and about 4-5 unanswered phone calls. All of them were nice I never threatened her nor did I ever say anything nasty to her. All I kept telling her was that I was sorry for hurting her and that I would do anything to fix things and change. She finally sends me a handwritten letter which was by the way certified asking me to leave her alone or she will be forced to take other actions. Furthermore it goes on to say that she has her own life now and that I need to move on. As I sat in the parking lot of the post office reading this evil letter something died inside me. After living with her for two years and being engaged for a year I was blown away by this. How can someone that supposedly loved you so much do this kind of thing. By all means I'm not the type of guy who get's these kind of letters. I told myself that she was not worth me getting in trouble for and losing my job over her. I came home deleted her from my phone, facebook, etc. and since than made NC. So far things have been great and I felt like I was moving on but as of last night I started to miss her again. I feel so hurt and what kills me is that I can't even tell her how I feel anymore. My life has become **** since the break up. I go to work come home sleep for about 10 to 12 hours and than do the same over again. I'm not motivated to do **** and I almost fail at the basic things like paying bills. To me the future seems bleak and I feel hopeless. I just can't pretend that nothing happened and that I'm fine. I can't forget the most amazing person I ever met and the best two years of my life. I know that life can always be worse but this feels like hell.
leoc1973 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I know the feeling, you sit there and say to yourself how could this angel who I would have died for and who made me promise I would never leave her cause she would die without me do this.. What changed? When I love I love forever so I don't know how some people turn it off like that. I promise you it will get better the good thing is that you have closure. Did she find someone else? How long have you been broken up? With my ex and a lot of others on this site they keep coming around and keep ya hanging on forever. It does get better though I know right now you are saying that you will never get over her. I said the same thing but I am getting to the point now where I would tell my ex to take a hike if she came back. This site is great keep reading others stories it passes the time. Join a gym it really does help to realease the endorphines while you are working out then you look in the mirror and start liking what you see. Its a nice feeling. Some day you will look back and say what the hell was I thinking.
leoc1973 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Actually I just read your other stories and it seems like this is the best thing that could have happened to you. I think she was going through a hard time and you constantly hounding her and being so needy made it so it was unbearable to be around you. So what did you do? you got more needy and unbearable. I think this girl probably really loved you at one point now you have to go no contact legally. Do not contact her again cause she seems like she is very fragile right now and if she sent it certified mail then she is dead serious about you leaving her alone. I have a buddy who sent so many texts to his ex that she called the cops he almost went to jail for 1 to 3 years I think its called menacing. Do not contact her again cause you will never get her back from a prison cell. Give it some time and take care of yourself. You said you gained some weight? get off your ass and get to the gym. Eat better and take a class or something. Get yourself really attractive physically and mentally don't give her any more power and ya never know it might hit her like a ton of bricks that she is losing you. You have only been broke up a very short time. If she truely loved you and there is no one else then there is a very good chance that she will come back.
Mack05 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 (edited) About three to four weeks ago I finally got a response from my ex fiance who has been ignoring me. This is after I sent her numerous texts, four emails, and about 4-5 unanswered phone calls. All of them were nice I never threatened her nor did I ever say anything nasty to her. All I kept telling her was that I was sorry for hurting her and that I would do anything to fix things and change. She finally sends me a handwritten letter which was by the way certified asking me to leave her alone or she will be forced to take other actions. Furthermore it goes on to say that she has her own life now and that I need to move on. As I sat in the parking lot of the post office reading this evil letter something died inside me. After living with her for two years and being engaged for a year I was blown away by this. How can someone that supposedly loved you so much do this kind of thing. By all means I'm not the type of guy who get's these kind of letters. I told myself that she was not worth me getting in trouble for and losing my job over her. I came home deleted her from my phone, facebook, etc. and since than made NC. So far things have been great and I felt like I was moving on but as of last night I started to miss her again. I feel so hurt and what kills me is that I can't even tell her how I feel anymore. My life has become **** since the break up. I go to work come home sleep for about 10 to 12 hours and than do the same over again. I'm not motivated to do **** and I almost fail at the basic things like paying bills. To me the future seems bleak and I feel hopeless. I just can't pretend that nothing happened and that I'm fine. I can't forget the most amazing person I ever met and the best two years of my life. I know that life can always be worse but this feels like hell. Been in the EXACT same situation as you mate. I either sleep 10-12 hours or I didn't sleep at all. The same questions going through my head. I have moved on, but my ex's coldness at the end has left a huge emotional scar. How can someone so sweet, so affectionate turn into someone so cold and heartless. She went to the police and in no way did I deserve it. I know so, because the cops never contacted me. They had no reason to. It's hard but you got to try do positive things. Take one small step forward each day. I can tell you the steps I took. 1) The most important one. I forgive my ex. I accepted we just had different viewpoints, that I brought the worst out in her and there was nothing I can do to change things. I realised obsessing about what happened over and over again is pointless. It achieves nothing. By forgiving her, I released the grip she had over me. I was giving her too much power and she didn't deserve it. Forgiving her brought the power back to me. Forgiving my ex was the main reason I was able to move on. 2) When I noticed myself obsessing/thinking about her I stopped myself. This is a conscious thing you need to do for a few weeks. I'd pick up a book, go for a walk, call a family member. I would always do something to take the focus of my thoughts off my ex and on to me.. 3) I wrote a journal/letters/emails. This is stuff no person bar me will ever see or read. It is very theraputic and helpful. When we are suffering we have all this emotion welling up inside us. Wruiting stuff down everyday is a release of that emotion. Write down the first thing that comes into your head and dont edit. I wrote a bery angry bitter letter to my ex. Full of resentment and bitterness. I reread that letter 2 months later. I was like holy sh@t. I come across as a nutjob! Phew happy I didn't send that! 4) Write down a list of short term and Long term goals. Going to gym is a short term goal. Buying a house is a long term goal. Tick each one off the you complete and check on your goals once a week. Goals give you objectives and completing goals is a great boost to Self Esteem.. 5) Work on your flaws. After my last relationhip I wrote down all the mistakes I made with my ex. Afterall something had to change her from me being the love of her life to I've the called the police. I made a decision to forgive myself for those mistakes (both in and out of the relationship) and vowed never to repeat them again. I have read numerous self help books and will continue to do so, as I want to always grow and develop as a person. 6) Positive thinking. People don't realise how bad negative thinking is to them. When you give out to yourself, call yourself names, constantly beat yourself up etc etc, it is very detremental to your recovery. Positive thinking is a HUGE step back on the road to recovery. 7) Be a better person. Call your mother more. Hang out as much as you can with friends. Instead of harping endlessly on about your ex find out whats going on in their lives. Be a better brother, son, uncle, friend. Make more of an effort. These are the relationships we rely on when times get hard. use them effectively in your healing. 8) Volunteer. One day's volunteering will make you relaise your problems are very small compared to others. Doing good deeds for others is a great way to make you feel better about yourself.. 9) Rebuild self esteem, self confidence. Without it you may lose out on the chance of meeting Miss Right. The opportunity is there but you miss it cause you are too busy feeling sorry for yourself...While you stay in the state you are, you know what happens? Nothing... Edited October 4, 2011 by Mack05
TheDovic Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 You sound depressed dude, go and speak to your gp. You can't fix this on your own and you don't need to suffer when something can be done about this!
immitable Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 spider man (sounds funny he he) I think you acted too soon with your msges etc. I think you didn't leave her room to miss you or cool down and that's why she sent you this letter. How long have you been broken up?
Author spider165 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 I moved out end of June she broke up with me end of July.
immitable Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I moved out end of June she broke up with me end of July. Ok, so I think the reason her being sour is that you didn't go NC. You had to let her figure things on her own, especially if you bombarded her with messages etc (which is a sort of pleading, which in return makes dumpers believe even moreso in the 'right decision'). NC is also good for another thing (apart from letting you regain your power back and heal), it will give her time to miss you and I am sure she is going to question herself why her relationship ended, maybe not at first, but definately after some time passes or she experiences someone treating her badly - it really just depends on what type person she is - and realise that it wasn't solely your fault like she originally beleved when she broke up with you. See, when relationship dies two sides are ALWAYS to blame for.
Author spider165 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 I agree with you both of us are to blame. I take blame for my actions and I was willing to do whatever to fix it. I just feel like she was being too extreme with her decision to end it all and gave me no chance to show her that I can change. Nothing we faced as a issue was a deal breaker in my eyes.
Mack05 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Been in the EXACT same situation as you mate. I either sleep 10-12 hours or I didn't sleep at all. The same questions going through my head. I have moved on, but my ex's coldness at the end has left a huge emotional scar. How can someone so sweet, so affectionate turn into someone so cold and heartless. She went to the police and in no way did I deserve it. I know so, because the cops never contacted me. They had no reason to. It's hard but you got to try do positive things. Take one small step forward each day. I can tell you the steps I took. 1) The most important one. I forgive my ex. I accepted we just had different viewpoints, that I brought the worst out in her and there was nothing I can do to change things. I realised obsessing about what happened over and over again is pointless. It achieves nothing. By forgiving her, I released the grip she had over me. I was giving her too much power and she didn't deserve it. Forgiving her brought the power back to me. Forgiving my ex was the main reason I was able to move on. 2) When I noticed myself obsessing/thinking about her I stopped myself. This is a conscious thing you need to do for a few weeks. I'd pick up a book, go for a walk, call a family member. I would always do something to take the focus of my thoughts off my ex and on to me.. 3) I wrote a journal/letters/emails. This is stuff no person bar me will ever see or read. It is very theraputic and helpful. When we are suffering we have all this emotion welling up inside us. Wruiting stuff down everyday is a release of that emotion. Write down the first thing that comes into your head and dont edit. I wrote a bery angry bitter letter to my ex. Full of resentment and bitterness. I reread that letter 2 months later. I was like holy sh@t. I come across as a nutjob! Phew happy I didn't send that! 4) Write down a list of short term and Long term goals. Going to gym is a short term goal. Buying a house is a long term goal. Tick each one off the you complete and check on your goals once a week. Goals give you objectives and completing goals is a great boost to Self Esteem.. 5) Work on your flaws. After my last relationhip I wrote down all the mistakes I made with my ex. Afterall something had to change her from me being the love of her life to I've the called the police. I made a decision to forgive myself for those mistakes (both in and out of the relationship) and vowed never to repeat them again. I have read numerous self help books and will continue to do so, as I want to always grow and develop as a person. 6) Positive thinking. People don't realise how bad negative thinking is to them. When you give out to yourself, call yourself names, constantly beat yourself up etc etc, it is very detremental to your recovery. Positive thinking is a HUGE step back on the road to recovery. 7) Be a better person. Call your mother more. Hang out as much as you can with friends. Instead of harping endlessly on about your ex find out whats going on in their lives. Be a better brother, son, uncle, friend. Make more of an effort. These are the relationships we rely on when times get hard. use them effectively in your healing. 8) Volunteer. One day's volunteering will make you relaise your problems are very small compared to others. Doing good deeds for others is a great way to make you feel better about yourself.. 9) Rebuild self esteem, self confidence. Without it you may lose out on the chance of meeting Miss Right. The opportunity is there but you miss it cause you are too busy feeling sorry for yourself...While you stay in the state you are, you know what happens? Nothing... Should I use my invisible powers to fight for good or for evil?
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