broken-and-lost Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Why is it that every single morning i have to wake up thinking of her it's like a year already i've done everything i can gym dated other girls tried as best i can to keep busy, but every morning it's the same old thoughts of missing her and wishing i could have fixed it. I know i did everything humanly possibly at the end to save the relationship and i have no regrets on that front so why is it, I still to this day can't stop thinking about her is it my age 37 now? is it fear ? i've seen doc's read books but she just won't disappear. I've tried NLP hypno therapy you name it i've tried it over the last year, i'm afraid i've become obsessed and stuck with this thought which won't clear. Anyone else struggled with this and how the hell did you make it stop if you did manage to? i'm really tired of waking up every day and going through this i'm just running out of things to try and i really do want my mind to move on.
Lucio Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 for some of us there's really nothing we can do. keep living. one day her image will start to blur in your memories. i took 4 years before i even started seeing someone else. hope u don't take as long.
spider165 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I'm in the same boat as you bro! My ex fiance broke up with me and I still can't get over it! It's been a few months now and for a minute I thought things were getting better... I'm not so sure anymore! I wish I could say some wise words but that won't stop your heart from bleeding! People tell me time will heal my wound but I know deep down inside that it won't! I wish you the best and hope you get better!
Author broken-and-lost Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 for some of us there's really nothing we can do. keep living. one day her image will start to blur in your memories. i took 4 years before i even started seeing someone else. hope u don't take as long. I really hope it doesn't take 4 years i think i'll want to shoot myself, my mind has as become my own personal hell
Author broken-and-lost Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 I'm in the same boat as you bro! My ex fiance broke up with me and I still can't get over it! It's been a few months now and for a minute I thought things were getting better... I'm not so sure anymore! I wish I could say some wise words but that won't stop your heart from bleeding! People tell me time will heal my wound but I know deep down inside that it won't! I wish you the best and hope you get better! Really sorry to hear your going through similar fella the first few months are hell i really do hope your not in a similar position to me in a year from now it doesn't have that raw feeling your probably feeling now, but it does still play with your mind, hopefully you won't be there i wouldn't wish this on anyone
Lucio Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 time doesn't heal. it only helps u to get used to the pain.
Thieves Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Oh, you are in for quite a ride, my friend. Trust me, I know it's torture but there's just not much to be done because it's largely unconscious. You can't really control what your brain does and doesn't think of when you wake up, you know? Just try to think of it as a habit. It doesn't have to mean anything big, it just means your mind is used to her, so it's going to take some time to really 'filter' her out until somebody new that you really click with comes into the picture... Honestly, I'm glad I'm almost past that stage. I do not miss it, that's for sure...
Bsham Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 (edited) Have you tried music? Music ALWAYS helps me get over someone. Try Eminem, you may not like eminem but just listen to the words in his songs, they can really make you think about life in general. Believe me, just try it, try songs about things that make you want to get up and be someone. I say Eminem as his words are sooo deep. Forget the music, just hear the words. Message back when you've tried it. EDIT: OK, listen to these songs by him "beautiful", "Lose yourself", "changes" and "not afraid". If you want me to help you do it. Go on youtube and search them then just listen to the words my friend. Let me know how you feel after a few listens. Ignore the music if you hate but listen to the words. Edited October 4, 2011 by Bsham
Author broken-and-lost Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 Have you tried music? Music ALWAYS helps me get over someone. Try Eminem, you may not like eminem but just listen to the words in his songs, they can really make you think about life in general. Believe me, just try it, try songs about things that make you want to get up and be someone. I say Eminem as his words are sooo deep. Forget the music, just hear the words. Message back when you've tried it. EDIT: OK, listen to these songs by him "beautiful", "Lose yourself", "changes" and "not afraid". If you want me to help you do it. Go on youtube and search them then just listen to the words my friend. Let me know how you feel after a few listens. Ignore the music if you hate but listen to the words. I do like eminem and music does and can help it just always seems like temporary fixes because as soon as you go to bed you can no longer control your mind and that's the really hard part you can tell yourself everything is going to be ok and just take every day as it comes distract yourself and so on it's just comes flooding back every morning if you see what i mean as you really can't control you thoughts eminem music is very deep i agree he's been through a lot himself and you can hear it in his music from the early days
Author broken-and-lost Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 Oh, you are in for quite a ride, my friend. Trust me, I know it's torture but there's just not much to be done because it's largely unconscious. You can't really control what your brain does and doesn't think of when you wake up, you know? Just try to think of it as a habit. It doesn't have to mean anything big, it just means your mind is used to her, so it's going to take some time to really 'filter' her out until somebody new that you really click with comes into the picture... Honestly, I'm glad I'm almost past that stage. I do not miss it, that's for sure... that's the bit that sucks the fact i'm really unable to control it despite everything i've done just makes me feel very weak as a person
mike588 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 I know how you feel. 2 months into being dumped I still wakeup almost every morning thinking about what happened, her. It's not as bad as it was and I know in more time it will get better. I know what your going thru,, I wish I had an answer! If you have survived prior relationship breakups just remember you got thru it and will again. That's what keeps me going. Hang in there, it does get better. Sometimes it takes some people longer. Your not alone!
TheDovic Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Have you tried meeting or dating other girls? This is my third break up and the other two times when I met someone else who I really liked it really helped me to forget about my ex(s). Maybe some type of therapy could help. Alternatively, you said you had tried NLP, maybe you could try that again!? NLP is about repitition, so using it for a short while then stopping doesn't really help. I have found when I use my Hypnosis CD (Paul McKenna's "I can mend your broken heart) on a regular basis it helps. However over the past 4 days I have not used it and have really started to struggle again, therefore I listened to the cd about an hour ago and immediately feel better. Maybe put it on before you go to bed in the evening and see if it starts to help.
Author broken-and-lost Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 Have you tried meeting or dating other girls? This is my third break up and the other two times when I met someone else who I really liked it really helped me to forget about my ex(s). Maybe some type of therapy could help. Alternatively, you said you had tried NLP, maybe you could try that again!? NLP is about repitition, so using it for a short while then stopping doesn't really help. I have found when I use my Hypnosis CD (Paul McKenna's "I can mend your broken heart) on a regular basis it helps. However over the past 4 days I have not used it and have really started to struggle again, therefore I listened to the cd about an hour ago and immediately feel better. Maybe put it on before you go to bed in the evening and see if it starts to help. Yeah i have dated other girls since been about five short flings in the last year which is usual for me i'm not really into dating i tend to go 5 plus years between relationships the dating really hasn't helped unfortunately. NLP is great for a short fix but after 6 months of it i've lost faith in it a bit as because it never sticks long enough like you said if you stop for a few days your back to feeling the pain. I would love a permanent solution which doesn't involve ending my existence i'm just running out of things to try after all this time.
Author broken-and-lost Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 I know how you feel. 2 months into being dumped I still wakeup almost every morning thinking about what happened, her. It's not as bad as it was and I know in more time it will get better. I know what your going thru,, I wish I had an answer! If you have survived prior relationship breakups just remember you got thru it and will again. That's what keeps me going. Hang in there, it does get better. Sometimes it takes some people longer. Your not alone! sorry your going through the same m8 it's horrible isn't it? This isn't my first break up it probably my 3 proper relationship but this one really did mean the most out of them all had all the plans wedding kids and so on, so it hurts the most tag that onto my age and it just seems like my last chance at a family kids and so on has gone. Really hurts as it's taken me this long to meet someone i actually thought i go do this with.
immitable Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 It is not all lost and gone man, I am kinda in the same boat but I just wont give up that easy. I just turned 36, my ex is 35 and she was previously married so damaged goods so to speak. I think this is more damaging to her than to me as we were in a 5 year relationship when she broke up with me. People are just messed up like that. I would suggest you use this opportunity to get better figure what you want and change for better. In a given time the right one will show up, learn from your mistakes and do something about it. For me it has been 4 months now and I still have her on my mind the first thing I wake up, but I am not going to allow it. I just get busy and use this extra time I have for myself. i am sure that in given time the right one is going to come along for you and for me. YOu have been broken for a year now and I would say that this is the right time to start dating with a clear head, do not dwell in despair, eveything is going to work out fine... Best of luck
radiodarcy Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 *sigh* i know what you mean, Broken-and-Lost. for me it's evenings. i guess because my mind is tired and it gets harder to fend off the thoughts. only now it's not abt my ex. it's abt someone i met on a dating website. i really liked him a lot and he seemed perfect for me in every way only he is still in love with his ex girlfriend. so i had to cut off communications because shortly after us meeting for tea and having only spoken for a week he started pressuring me for sex. so i had a strong feeling he was setting me up to be a rebound. which i did *not* want. but even after only being in contact for a week, i still find myself thinking about him often. i hate it. i shouldn't be having such intense feelings for someone i only had contact with for one week! but feelings are what they are. so i just need to let them run their course. the good news in all of this is that a.) i know now i a capable of having feelings for another person besides my ex and b.) i didn't run crying to him because things didn't work out with this latest guy. as that was a worry that held me back from dating for some time. so am i very proud of myself for not doing that.
PegNosePete Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Dude you're going about it all wrong. If I tell you not to think of elephants what is the first thing you think of? You cannot forget someone by trying to forget them. You have to NOT TRY. Give up. Just accept the feelings and acknowledge them. In time it will get better. But the harder you try, the harder it gets!
Author broken-and-lost Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 Dude you're going about it all wrong. If I tell you not to think of elephants what is the first thing you think of? You cannot forget someone by trying to forget them. You have to NOT TRY. Give up. Just accept the feelings and acknowledge them. In time it will get better. But the harder you try, the harder it gets! lol that's actually true in a strange way a good friend of mine told me to just feel the pain instead of trying to always be looking for ways to cover it thought he was mad at the time as i was i want to make it stop not feel it more
Author broken-and-lost Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 *sigh* i know what you mean, Broken-and-Lost. for me it's evenings. i guess because my mind is tired and it gets harder to fend off the thoughts. only now it's not abt my ex. it's abt someone i met on a dating website. i really liked him a lot and he seemed perfect for me in every way only he is still in love with his ex girlfriend. so i had to cut off communications because shortly after us meeting for tea and having only spoken for a week he started pressuring me for sex. so i had a strong feeling he was setting me up to be a rebound. which i did *not* want. but even after only being in contact for a week, i still find myself thinking about him often. i hate it. i shouldn't be having such intense feelings for someone i only had contact with for one week! but feelings are what they are. so i just need to let them run their course. the good news in all of this is that a.) i know now i a capable of having feelings for another person besides my ex and b.) i didn't run crying to him because things didn't work out with this latest guy. as that was a worry that held me back from dating for some time. so am i very proud of myself for not doing that. radiodarcy sorry your feeling in a similar position but at least you can have feelings for others and when it goes wrong not want to turn to your ex that progress in many ways you should take heart in that. i'm not really able to do that. I don't turn to the ex but every time i've walked away from the girls i've dated recently it always makes me think about whats been lost rather then the girl i've currently been with i'm not sure if that's just because they have only been a month here and there but i haven't been able to bond with anyone else
samphs Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Yup same here, I wake up with all this anxiety thinking abut how he is gone. Its only been 3 weeks for me and it never stops....
Author broken-and-lost Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 It is not all lost and gone man, I am kinda in the same boat but I just wont give up that easy. I just turned 36, my ex is 35 and she was previously married so damaged goods so to speak. I think this is more damaging to her than to me as we were in a 5 year relationship when she broke up with me. People are just messed up like that. I would suggest you use this opportunity to get better figure what you want and change for better. In a given time the right one will show up, learn from your mistakes and do something about it. For me it has been 4 months now and I still have her on my mind the first thing I wake up, but I am not going to allow it. I just get busy and use this extra time I have for myself. i am sure that in given time the right one is going to come along for you and for me. YOu have been broken for a year now and I would say that this is the right time to start dating with a clear head, do not dwell in despair, eveything is going to work out fine... Best of luck hey immitable is nice to see you've got such a positive out look on a sad situation gives me hope seeing as your in a similar boat good luck to you too really hope you find that happiness everyone seems to look for in life
Author broken-and-lost Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone for their replies today it's be really appreciated to get different peoples views on this and to know other people have similar experiences that we are all trying hard to cope with
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