SCG_Sasa1111 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Me and my ex of 4.5 yrs broke up in september of last year at this time (we are both 21 now) a month and a half later and we are still talkin 2 each other "trying to fix" things until november came and i came 2 her place only 2 find the guy she told me she had feelings for previously at her house.....worst day of my life by far...it hit me like a ton of bricks..she mentioned she was starting to develop feelings for this kid and this all happeend when I left for my country for 15 days. during this period she was depressed without me and she lost a lot of weight but she ended up attaching herself to him when i was gone, when I came back i could sense things were different between us and eventually 2-3 months later September came and I could tell things were not going to get better. She ended up leaving me for him. the stupid thing about all of this is...she came back to me twice in a span of 2 months crying saying she made a mistake.using me as comfort when in the end she could not break up with him..what i dont understand is..how can someone you date for 4.5 years..COMPLETLEY go to someone else after so long just like that?????....IS she this messed up in the head????? how did i not see this coming from her???....HOW DOES Someone leave you for someone else right after..and just forget about you like that?? ITs been almost a year since it happend and here i am still feeling the pain still to this day. CAN i date someone else after this??? no...not even a year later....like I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS....I had a fling in the summer with a girl for 2 weeks and I CAN tell you all it felt really really weird..its like i was dating again...it was all too soon i couldn't do it....i couldn't take that akward feeling inside knowing what I was doing. it just didn't feel right....how can they just seemingly get on with their so called lives..knowing they aren't living a lie..SHE Didnt even have time to GET OVER ME..she got with him right away?? like what does this say about her than??............ I am over her...i would never get back with her after what she put me through the only thing I AM HAVING TROUBLE WITH is the pain that after 4.5 years someone can just do that to you and how PEOPLE ARE SO SELFISH and only care about themselves..the pain from the breakup is still there..i have GROWN a lot physically and mentally since it all happeend I AM much stronger than I have ever beeen but I am scared that it has made me a completley bitter individual because at one point in my life she was my best friend...lover and only person I truly Gave MY ALL to. 100 percent trust..and she completley threw that away..that is what gets me to this day..it really makes you question the integrity of humans in general.....PLZ insight would be appreciated. What also is sad is that I don't know how you can go from one relationship to the other just like that? I can't seem my self dating for another good 2-3 years most likely who knows..i cant even stand the thought of dating again let alone being in a relationship with someone.......can anyone explain this?
Author SCG_Sasa1111 Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 The fact that I am still posting on here after a year really gets to me..how can someone have this much of an impact on you? YES we were together for 4.5 yrs..yes shes my first serious relationship..yes i came to her place to see that guy which was the worst thing i have ever experienced...yes she put me through helll but she DOESNT DESERVE FOR ME TO FEEL THIS MUCH pAIN over her..i understand these moments are all significant and take time to get over..but i mean a year is SUCH A LONG TIME but it alsoooooooo isnt:S..........
wilsonx Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 The problem is you stayed in contact with her. You never allowed yourself to emotionally detach from her. You can lie and fool yourself that you are "over" her but you arent. Thats why this forum preaches NC so that you can separate yourself from them. It doesnt matter about her anymore. Stop focusing on her and start focusing on you
mike111 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 The fact that I am still posting on here after a year really gets to me..how can someone have this much of an impact on you? I was the same way. It took me 3.5 years to get over my love of 5.5 years. I lost everthing at that time (10 years ago) including all my finances, my home, my belongings and my mind. I was fit to be tied, suicidal, physically ill, living off a credit card, and I had gone a tad nuts. But you know what? One day you'll wake up and things are good again. You'll see that to be a fact. I (MYSELF) just have to learn not to do it again! Take care. And it WILL be ok again. Just give it more time, and manage your time wisely mike
mike111 Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 Thats why this forum preaches NC so that you can separate yourself from them. If at all possible, yeah, the NC (no contact) thing is EXTREMELY important. I am proceeding quite well in my most recent NC event. I plan to stick with it, because it works! And it makes the time for healing so much quicker.
reimeivn Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 i am sorry that you feel this way. i am just going to say this, hope it will help, shes gone already. be happy that she is not here with you anymore, rather than in like 5 years into the future. thats what i tell myself.
shortee143 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I an NOT in NC with my ex. Def has made it SO much harder. I know, see, hear...way too much so I get hurt over and over. Sadly i dont really have a *choice* (we are in the same very tight knit social circle..so avoiding each other is darn near impossible). I can say I am "over" it, but I'm not. I know how you feel though- about carrying the anger/pain, etc. That is my issue still- I am battling so much hurt, I cant believe he put me thru so much post breakup. In your case, 4.5 years is a lengthy relationship, so I can understand why you are still hurting....it is hard, that damage goes deep...and I dont think our dumpers even realize it. I also understand why you are frustrated, I too want to move on and feel good! It is exhausting still feeling something...whether that be love, hurt, anger, etc towards the ex. The only option hear is to just keep moving forward, it hurts, it sucks, it is frustrating...
Author SCG_Sasa1111 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 thank you everyone for replying. i appreciate it! just gotta keep on going through it
fuzzbella Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 The thing that got me when it ended, wasnt that he left me for someone else, its that you had made plans, you invested so much into a future you were so sure you were going to get it because you could never let the thought of 'what if i dont' enter your mind. One minute they are telling you your there world then they are gone, and some how they can erase you out of there life like you never existed? I never went no contact and it made it so much harder, you tell yourself your over it but if that person can still make you care and hurt like you do then your still on step one. I was never angry with him, i was angry with myself for still wanting all these things even thou he hurt me so much. I dont know how they can pick you up and drop you like you mean nothing, but youve just got to thank them for saving you from spending your future with the wrong person? It really does get better the longer you stay in no contact.
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